March movie reviews

In theaters:

MICKEY 17

Bong Joon-Ho's first film since the brilliant best picture winner Parasite is a classic blank check movie. He was given a huge budget for this deliberately oddball sci-fi movie with Robert Pattinson as a guy who keeps dying and then being copied. This thing is maniacally entertaining in spots, and sometimes grates (Mark Ruffalo is really bad), but even though it is unquestionably an unholy mess, I'm glad it exists. 

LAST BREATH

This movie about deep sea divers getting stuck under the water barely has enough material to even make it to feature length, but that middle section under the water is undeniably gripping. 

THE MONKEY

Last summer director, Osgood Perkins had a big hit with Longlegs, a horror oddity that I really didn't like. I liked this one a lot more. It's much more of a horror comedy, with crazy elaborate death scenes. I laughed a lot at this. 

NOVOCAINE

This action comedy about an ordinary guy (the suddenly everywhere Jack Quaid) who can't feel pain is fairly entertaining, but given its premise, it felt weirdly restrained. I kept wanting it to be more outrageous. 

BLACK BAG

Steven Soderbergh's icy cold spy drama has suitably solid performances by Cate Blanchett and Michael Fassbender. And of course, it is well made, and the story never becomes one of those impossibly elaborate puzzles. But it's icy to a fault. No sizzle. 

THE ASSESSMENT

Cerebral sci-fi drama set in a future where couples must go through a rigorous assessment process in order to be allowed to have a child. Elizabeth Olsen and her husband are evaluated by Alicia Vikander. The film begins very quiet and sterile, then goes to some wild, occasionally dark places. Olsen is great, but the showstopper here is Vikander in an incredibly original and physical performance. What a reminder that she is a powerhouse actress. 

ASH

Pretty cool, unsettling sci-fi film that never lets you get comfortable. Outstanding score. Cool visuals for a small budget. Eiza Gonzalez gets her Ripley on.

OPUS

The only way this movie could have been worse is if John Malkovich were replaced by a CGI monkey. From concept to casting to script to execution, one of the most thorough failures I have seen in some time. And it carries this unearned smugness throughout, as if it is a movie that's got something to SAY. Ludicrous.

BOB TREVINO LIKES IT

It might be too early in the year to say this, but this might wind up in my top 5 for the year. It's a wonderful film, the very best kind of tearjerker, one that charms the hell out of you and makes you happy even as it is crushing you (but in that good way). Barbie Ferreira befriends John Leguizamo over Facebook, who becomes a better dad to her than her real dad. Their bond is so sweet and engaging. The inimitable Ferreira is magnetic, and needs to be a major thing. She is an unbelievably effective crier. And in a long career of varied stellar work, this might be my favorite Leguizamo performance. This film definitely got me a few times. 

DEATH OF A UNICORN

Neat seeing Paul Rudd in an A24 movie, and Jenna Ortega adds to her list of entertaining surly teen roles. Aside from the catalyst being a dead unicorn, this movie covers a lot of material that has been done better recently. It's an entertaining watch, though. Will Poulter has some funny lines. 

Everything else: 

HORIZON: AN AMERICAN SAGA: CHAPTER 1

Wait, this is...not bad? It's actually quite great in spots, albeit frustratingly incomplete to its detriment. But I would absolutely watch the rest of these if they ever get released.

UNSTOPPABLE

Most sports movies follow a formula, but it's been a while since I've seen one play the beats as effectively as this one, about a one-legged wrestler. I'd probably like it more if wrestling mattered at all to me. Legitimately excellent Jennifer Lopez performance here. 

YOU'RE CORDIALLY INVITED

A Will Ferrell/Reese Witherspoon comedy that amused me in spots for about half its runtime, then just started to become increasingly broad and annoying. This needed to pick a lane and either be meaner or sweeter. 

TOTALLY KILLER

Back to the Future meets Happy Death Day and lots of fun. Kiernan Shipka was born to play a sarcastic horror heroine. This should have been a theatrical release.

DIE HART/DIE HART 2: DIE HARTER

A couple of meta goofs starring Kevin Hart as himself, trying to re-brand as an action star. The first one has a bizarre John Travolta. Both have the luscious Nathalie Emmanuel. Both were re-worked from TV show to movie. I got some chuckles from each, more so the 1st one.  

SEXY EVIL GENIUS

Watched this cause it had Michelle Trachtenberg in it. It also has Seth Green, but the Buffy connection is more interesting than the film, a colossal bore all set in a darkly lit bar. Not one single interesting thing happens.