May movie reviews

In theaters:

FANTASTIC BEASTS: THE SECRETS OF DUMBLEDORE

This thing has been a huge box office flop, so this is likely where this franchise ends. I won't miss it. The first two were exceptionally mediocre. This one is just flat out bad. It barely even has any beasts to speak of. 

FIRESTARTER 

I know I saw the original Firestarter, which starred a very young Drew Barrymore, way back in the 80s. All I really remembered was the end when she goes off on everyone. I will remember nothing about this bland, cheap remake. The performance by the young girl is fine, but this whole thing is by the numbers, and they don't even really show any of the fiery kills. I'm guessing the budget was too low to show it, which begs the question "why bother?" 

MEN

Alex Garland's 1st 2 films were the excellent Ex-Machina and the very good Annihilation. Men is....not good. Despite the presence of the spectacular Jessie Buckley (whose performance is the only thing that is redeemable here) this is one of those annoyingly pretentious films that thinks it has some profound point to make (it's basically about misogyny) but goes about things in the most boring way possible. It has some revolting imagery during the last 20 minutes, but it's all just desperate shock value. No story here. 

THE BOB'S BURGERS MOVIE

I was always surprised they made a movie. I mean, sure, I love this show and have from the start, but I guess I never knew it had enough popularity to get a movie. And the movie is basically a solid episode of the show, just 3 or 4 times longer. It won't sway any non-fans, but that's not a concern for me. The film is a good showcase for the show's particular humor and heart. 

Everything else:

SENIOR YEAR

Rebel Wilson is one of the funniest comedic actresses out there, but her few stabs at a lead in a movie have not stood out. I would say this is her best one, where she plays a cheerleader who wakes up after 20 years in a coma and then returns to high school. The movie is thankfully not just a series of predictable pop culture references. It goes a little deeper than expected. It's never quite as funny as I hoped, but Wilson is terrific. Loved the random recreation of the "You Drive Me Crazy" video. 

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE

So Netflix threw out a new one of these recently, which is now the 3rd film to have this title (oh but it dropped the "the"). This TCM had a couple actresses I liked (Sarah Yarkin, Elsie Fisher from Eighth Grade...which this could play as a demented sequel to) but it is mostly crap, and really goes over the line on having the characters all be incredibly stupid. Be better. They also bring back the 1970s film's final girl (different actress) only to have her be a complete idiot and die quickly and stupidly. If I were a series die hard I might be insulted. Only one gory as hell sequence aboard a bus and a decent shock ending elevate this above those awful recent Halloween reboots. 

THE COLOR OF MONEY

Directed by Martin Scorsese, this was one of Tom Cruise's early big movies. This was at the time more of a Paul Newman show. He won his 1st and only Oscar for the role as an aged pool shark who takes Cruise under his wing. I can see how films like Rounders were very influenced by this. I liked Newman, and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio as Cruise's girlfriend, but tbh I didn't like Cruise that much here. He's kind of a one note smug jerk. 

THE WEEKEND AWAY

Leighton Meester travels to Croatia to spend a vacation with a gal pal, only the gal pal soon goes missing and turns up dead. So there's a whole murder mystery plot, involving some of the dumbest movie cops of all time and a collection of characters who exist just to be red herrings. It's not good, but it breezes by quickly and I'm always an easy sell on Meester. 

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