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June movie reviews

In theaters: KARATE KID: LEGENDS This movie is a little bit of a bait and switch. It's marketed as being a merging of new and old KK movies, with Jackie Chan and Ralph Macchio teaming up to help teach a kid to fight. But it only becomes that late in the film. The rest of the movie is unceasingly formulaic but charming enough. Made me very hungry for pizza, too.  BALLERINA Do we need a John Wick spinoff? Not really. But do we need Ana de Armas in everything? Oh yes! This movie is more of the same from this franchise, so it's more elaborate action scenes with lots of gun-fu. More assassin underworld world building. And like the 1st Wick, it's a straight-up revenge story. I would say that the freshness isn't there, but the action delivers big time, including a glorious finale involving flamethrowers. And de Armas is a fucking star. I don't know how that could be disputed. I'm not quite sure this did well enough to keep it going, but I need more of her in action mov...
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The Patriots are the luckiest dynasty ever

We are days away from the Patriots likely winning their sixth title in 18 seasons of Brady and Belichick. It has been horrible. It has been lucky as hell. Lucky. As. Hell. There is not a single Patriots fan who accepts the slightest argument that the last 18 years have been what they are for any other reason than "Brady's the GOAT. Belichick is the GOAT. Best franchise ever! If you disagree you're just a jealous hater." Reasoning with these people is impossible. Sure, not everything has been luck. I grudgingly admit they're very good. But my god, no franchise has EVER had such a long, lengthy run of stupendous good fortune, or luck. It begins in the very game that kicked this whole thing off...the tuck rule game in January 2002. Oakland outplays the Pats in the snow, and late in the game they get a strip sack of Brady and a game-clinching fumble recovery. Game over. Except a replay somehow overturns the call due to an unknown rule that was also interpreted w...
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Message Board Classics: 2007 NFL Season

8/11/07--preseason post: Now, onto some football, since I went to the Vikings preseason opener last night. I only went cause I had the ticket, and I only had that cause I had to buy one with a ticket to the Packer game. Anyway, it was a colossal bore, but I found the play of T Jack somewhat encouraging. I'm pulling for the guy, and hope for the best. Bobby Wade looked pretty good too. As usual I will save my predictions for just before the season, but I will reveal that I think the Patriots will win it all. I am only able to deal with this because I got to see the Steelers and Colts get theirs the last 2 seasons. And there's always that hope that the playboy wannabe Brady will get his knee ligaments shredded at some point. Season Predictions: AFC EAST 1. Patriots (14-2) Yes, sadly I see the dark times returning. Not cause of Moss. He's actually the lone hope. Maybe he'll destroy the team from within. But the Adalius Thomas signing and the other professional receivers ha...
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