Minnesota sports pardons

So, pardons are all the rage these days. The outgoing BLOATUS is handing them out like candy. 

So I want to get in on this. As president in my own mind, I will now hand out the following pardons for Minnesota sports figures who have been wrongly accused or convicted in the public eye for far too long. 

1. Gary Anderson. All anyone ever wants to bring up from the 1998 season or the title game is the Gary Anderson miss. You know what? He did not lose them the game. They still had a 7 point lead. They let Chris Chandler drive the length of the field to tie the game. Robert Griffith had a game sealing pick in his grasp and dropped it. We had multiple OT possessions to score, and did nothing. That's a whole lot of shit that happened after Gary missed one kick by just a few feet. Gary, you are hereby pardoned. 

2. Jimmy Butler. This may seem surprising, since I was very harsh on him when he imploded the Timberwolves. But he was right. This franchise is a travesty. Thibs is the guy I still blame for mostly the whole thing anyway. Jimmy, you are hereby pardoned.

3. Clem Haskins. Fuck the NCAA and their selective punishment. Clem led the Gophers to the final four. He did. I was very into that run. I saw the games. I don't care if someone wrote a paper for a player. No Duke player has attended a class for 30 years. Put the damn banners back up. Clem, you are hereby pardoned.

4. Rick Spielman for the Christian Ponder pick. Get over it, people. Every GM ends up with at least 1 poor QB pick. Ponder didn't set the team back. We were onto Teddy in 3 years. Ponder played great against the Packers to get us into the 2012 playoffs in one of the best Vikings games I've ever seen. Rick, you are hereby pardoned.

5. Ron Gardenhire. Yeah he was an embarrassing postseason skipper. But at least he could win a few games at the start. And that disgraceful 18 game losing streak is already close to being more the fault of his successors. Plus the Gardy Twins at least TRIED in October most of the time. Gardy, you are hereby pardoned.

6. Mike Yeo. I used to tweet out #FireYeo as much as anybody. But the Wild haven't even been past the first round since he was canned. Maybe we had it pretty good back then and didn't realize it. Mike, you are hereby pardoned.

7. Kirk Cousins. Wrongly accused, wrongly convicted. Now being falsely blamed for costing us Deshaun Watson. Took less money to come here. Restructured his deal to help our salary cap. Is paid commiserate with his play on the field. Played his ass off to overcome a historically bad defense then got blamed completely for a 7-9 record. The most preposterously disliked athlete possibly in the history of Minnesota sports. Kirk, you are hereby pardoned. YOU LIKE THAT?

8. Norm Green. J/k. Fuck Norm Green. 

Comments

  1. MichelleJanuary 19, 2021 at 9:28 PM

    I was just talking about Gary Anderson at work today. Great minds, friend, great minds.

    ReplyDelete

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