BAH HUMBUG

LIONS 30

VIKINGS 24

Like it could be any other way. 

It took me a long time to catch on to what the 2023 Vikings season was always going to be. I kept thinking something, anything, could go right. I was a fool. That Bengals game broke my spirit, but it also gave me clarity. I knew now with a grim resignation that the season was doomed to fail. 

So I entered US Bank Stadium for this Christmas Eve day game as devoid of hope as I have ever been. Given what a hellscape of a season this has been, how could we NOT suffer the indignity of having the Lions come in here and beat us (in excruciating fashion) to clinch their 1st division title since I was a high school freshman.

Part of the reason for the complete abandonment of hope was how the defense completely imploded late in Cincinnati. And that ineptitude carried over to the start of this game, as the Lions took the opening drive right down the field, chewing up 75 yards and half the quarter for a 7-0 lead. 

The Vikings offense, led again by Nick Mullens, did respond. It was mostly through the air, as Mullens did start sharp. But the rollercoaster was just starting. On 1st and goal at the 1, Mullens had Josh Oliver wide open, but then he not only waited too long to throw, but made a horribly inaccurate throw that only failed to be a pick six because the defender dropped the ball. Given the reprieve, the Vikings did score on a Ty Chandler run. So maybe we were going to be able to match score for score.

 

The defense still wasn't good the next series, but Cam Bynum did force a fumble. But we couldn't cash in, as Mullens nearly fumbled the ball right back (ruled down by contact) and then on 4th and short threw an interception (not his last). 

After a couple 3 and outs, the game's other deciding factor showed up. The Vikings had forced the Lions into what would have been a 3rd and very long...but in comes a horrible phantom roughing the passer call on Patrick Jones. Several plays later, Jordan Hicks blasted Jared Goff and forced a fumble, that Bynum picked up and raced 82 yards for a touchdown. Exactly the kind of massive momentum play we have scarcely had this year. 

But it was not to be, because the review called it an incomplete pass, that Goff's arm was going forward. Bull. Shit. His arm WAS going forward, but he clearly had lost control of the football first. But hey, we can't have the Detroit Darlings in any danger now, can we? The Lions ended up with a field goal because of this, and the 10 point swing loomed over the rest of the game. 

Then Mullens threw another pick, setting up the Lions with a short field and another touchdown. 

I and basically most Vikings fans were perfectly ready to see Jaren Hall in the game at this point. But the Mullens rollercoaster goes up, too. He rode Justin Jefferson for most of the next drive, including a fantastic catch in the endzone that cut the halftime deficit to 3.

The Mullens rollercoaster stayed up to start the 3rd quarter, with a quick 81 yard touchdown drive, again almost entirely through the air, including a big play to KJ Osborn and then Osborn again for the go-ahead touchdown. We were in this. 

The defense didn't hold it. We gave up a long TD drive again, which included giving up a couple 4th downs. Man I wish we could ever keep a team out of short yardage in these spots and force some field goals. At least we blocked the PAT. 

The next drive felt like it settled the game. We gave up another long, clock-consuming TD drive. Included in this misery were a few more dagger 3rd down conversions, and a serious injury to DJ Wonnum. We also lost Jordan Addison, TJ Hockenson and Mehki Blackmon during the game. This has become easily the worst injury season in Vikings history. 

So when the Lions got the TD and bumped the lead to 9, that certainly felt like ballgame.

The refs and Mullens made things worse on the next series, where Ed Ingram got a phantom personal foul call and then Mullens chucked up another reckless arm punt.

But things still had to get close for maximum heartbreak. We forced a 3 and out. And the Vikings hit a couple big plays (a big completion to Justin Jefferson plus a personal foul, a flea-flicker to Johnny Mundt) to get in the redzone. But the drive stalled and we only got a field goal.

I figured the odds of ever even getting the football back were slim. They got slimmer after another phantom penalty gave the Lions a 3rd down conversion. But the defense did finally get a stop around the 2 minute warning. 

So we had a chance. Ah yes, the evergreen tease. Every loss this year except maybe the Philly game provided a chance to either hold a late lead or go win it.

This opportunity looked pretty dead pretty fast as a strip sack on Mullens put us in a deep 3rd and 27 hole. But then, in shades of Buffalo, Mullens launched a desperation ball for Jefferson, who lept and caught it between 2 guys right at the 1st down marker. Then after a spike, Mullens hit Brandon Powell on a crossing route that picked up another 26.

Playoff hopes on the line. Division title still a possibility. This was setting up for one of those all time finishes.

But this is 2023, and I am onto its game, so I knew even as this was happening that it was not going to be. Something bad was going to happen. 

And it did. Despite having Powell almost comically wide open within easy reach of another 20 yards or so, Mullens went for the hero shot, firing a wobbler down the middle for Jefferson, that was picked off for #4 of the game.

I don't know how one play could better summarize the seasons for both teams. The Lions get bailed out. The Vikings never do.

So in the aftermath, as the dipshit Lions fans brag without irony (and celebrate the apparently serious TJ injury), the Vikings are left sitting outside of a playoff spot for the first time in over a month. 

Seattle pulled off a 2nd straight final drive win on the road and are the 7 seed. The Rams are rolling and are the 6. The Vikings sit at 7-8 tied with the Packers, Falcons and Saints. 

The ONLY chance for the Vikings at this point is to win the last 2 games. And either the Rams or Seahawks have to drop a game, against pretty easy schedules.

But this is all irrelevant anyway. The season from hell is not through with us yet. You can bet that in literally the final calendar game of 2023 we will see the Packers come into US Bank Stadium and eliminate us.

Bring on 2024. It can't possibly be worse than this.