Message Board Classics: Movies, Movies, and More Movies pt. 4
1/3/06
SOMETHING NEW
A pleasant, but entirely forgettable romantic comedy about an uptight black woman (the ever gorgeous Sanaa Lathan) who falls for a charming white guy (charming Simon Baker). There's nothing in it I hated, and nothing in it I loved.
OK, I'm sure I've forgotten a lot, but here's some of what's coming in the '06:
Superman Returns
X3
Mission Impossible 3
V For Vendetta, Goya's Ghosts and Free Zone--it's a Nat bonanza!!!
The Da Vinci Code
Miami Vice
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Grindhouse, with half directed by Quentin and the other half directed by Robert Rodriguez!!!
Lady In The Water, from M. Night Shyamalan
sequels and new installments to Scary Movie, Final Destination, Basic Instinct, Big Momma's House (be afraid), Garfield, Fast & The Furious, The Grudge, Underworld, Saw and Jackass
Possibly Kevin Smith's Passion Of The Clerks as well
a Poseidon Adventure remake
a Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel
Hilary & Haylie Duff in Material Girls-I'm helpless!!!
Idlewild, an Outkast musical!!!
Nic Cage in Ghost Rider
Spike Lee's Inside Man, with Denzel, Jodie and Clive
Richard Linklater's A Scanner Darkly, with Keanu
American Dreamz, from whichever Weitz guy (I forget)--looks really good
Mike Judge's Idiocrazy
Sofia Coppolla's Marie Antoinette w/Kirsten Dunst
Cars, the last Disney/Pixar film
Art School Confidential, directed by Terry Zwigoff
Justin Timberlake is in Alpha Dog and Edison (cue vomit)
Mel Gibson goes nuts again with Apocalypto
Awake w/my future wife Jessica Alba
Oliver Stone's World Trade Center--expect lots of controversy
Bond returns in Casino Royale
Dreamgirls, a musical w/Jamie Foxx and Beyonce (and Eddie Murphy too, I think)
Martin Scorsese's The Departed, with Leo, Matt and DeNiro
David Fincher's Zodiac
Christopher Nolan's The Prestige
Clint Eastwood's Flags Of Our Fathers
Superman Returns
X3
Mission Impossible 3
V For Vendetta, Goya's Ghosts and Free Zone--it's a Nat bonanza!!!
The Da Vinci Code
Miami Vice
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Grindhouse, with half directed by Quentin and the other half directed by Robert Rodriguez!!!
Lady In The Water, from M. Night Shyamalan
sequels and new installments to Scary Movie, Final Destination, Basic Instinct, Big Momma's House (be afraid), Garfield, Fast & The Furious, The Grudge, Underworld, Saw and Jackass
Possibly Kevin Smith's Passion Of The Clerks as well
a Poseidon Adventure remake
a Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel
Hilary & Haylie Duff in Material Girls-I'm helpless!!!
Idlewild, an Outkast musical!!!
Nic Cage in Ghost Rider
Spike Lee's Inside Man, with Denzel, Jodie and Clive
Richard Linklater's A Scanner Darkly, with Keanu
American Dreamz, from whichever Weitz guy (I forget)--looks really good
Mike Judge's Idiocrazy
Sofia Coppolla's Marie Antoinette w/Kirsten Dunst
Cars, the last Disney/Pixar film
Art School Confidential, directed by Terry Zwigoff
Justin Timberlake is in Alpha Dog and Edison (cue vomit)
Mel Gibson goes nuts again with Apocalypto
Awake w/my future wife Jessica Alba
Oliver Stone's World Trade Center--expect lots of controversy
Bond returns in Casino Royale
Dreamgirls, a musical w/Jamie Foxx and Beyonce (and Eddie Murphy too, I think)
Martin Scorsese's The Departed, with Leo, Matt and DeNiro
David Fincher's Zodiac
Christopher Nolan's The Prestige
Clint Eastwood's Flags Of Our Fathers
1/7/06
THE PRODUCERS
Just a fun time. I liked most of the musical numbers, even if some went on a bit too long. Plenty of laughs. Natahan Lane is fantastic, Matthew Broderick is funny too, Will Ferrell is his funniest since Anchorman, and Uma Thurman is yummy as can be.
11:14
In the vein of Magnolia or Crash, with lots of characters intersecting over a given night. This one's really well done, but it has no real big statement to make, so it's a little lesser. A quality cast, with Hilary Swank, Patrick Swayze, and the never hotter Rachael Leigh Cook. RLC does quite the mean bad girl. One scene in this film almost made me vomit though. Guys, do NOT piss out the window of a moving vehicle, cause if that window were to suddenly slam shut....(screams)
HAVOC
Films about white people who wanna be black always bug me, cause it's always done too much like a caricature. That's true here too, which is surprising cause it's written by Stephen Gaghan. Anne Hathaway is crazy hot (and quite nude on occasion!) and actually does a pretty damn good job of rescuing an annoying character. My future wife Shiri Appleby has a small part. But why oh why does Bijou Phillips continue to get acting roles? She is atrocious!
GLORY ROAD
The story of the Texas Western basketball team that won the title with an all black starting five. This story has tons of familiar stuff in it, but I continue to like how these fact based Disney sports films manage to be smart AND PG at the same time. Sure, this story may be watered down, but it's well told and the big game at the end is exciting. Josh Lucas is kinda bland in the lead, but all the lesser known actors are strong.
Just a fun time. I liked most of the musical numbers, even if some went on a bit too long. Plenty of laughs. Natahan Lane is fantastic, Matthew Broderick is funny too, Will Ferrell is his funniest since Anchorman, and Uma Thurman is yummy as can be.
11:14
In the vein of Magnolia or Crash, with lots of characters intersecting over a given night. This one's really well done, but it has no real big statement to make, so it's a little lesser. A quality cast, with Hilary Swank, Patrick Swayze, and the never hotter Rachael Leigh Cook. RLC does quite the mean bad girl. One scene in this film almost made me vomit though. Guys, do NOT piss out the window of a moving vehicle, cause if that window were to suddenly slam shut....(screams)
HAVOC
Films about white people who wanna be black always bug me, cause it's always done too much like a caricature. That's true here too, which is surprising cause it's written by Stephen Gaghan. Anne Hathaway is crazy hot (and quite nude on occasion!) and actually does a pretty damn good job of rescuing an annoying character. My future wife Shiri Appleby has a small part. But why oh why does Bijou Phillips continue to get acting roles? She is atrocious!
GLORY ROAD
The story of the Texas Western basketball team that won the title with an all black starting five. This story has tons of familiar stuff in it, but I continue to like how these fact based Disney sports films manage to be smart AND PG at the same time. Sure, this story may be watered down, but it's well told and the big game at the end is exciting. Josh Lucas is kinda bland in the lead, but all the lesser known actors are strong.
1/19/06
THE.MATADOR
Will Pierce Brosnan have a career after Bond? I think this movie shows that he will. He's whip-smart and sharp and funny in this film, playing a burned out loner hitman.
The film itself is the definition of a trifle. It is decent enough to sit through. There are a few good laughs, though mostly the film only earns smiles. There are solid characters, as this is not some idiotic comedy like The Ringer or its ilk. But nothing about it stands out, aside from it being maybe the 1st time I've ever been able to tolerate Hope Davis. She cracks a smile in this, something I thought was impossible.
5/10
The film itself is the definition of a trifle. It is decent enough to sit through. There are a few good laughs, though mostly the film only earns smiles. There are solid characters, as this is not some idiotic comedy like The Ringer or its ilk. But nothing about it stands out, aside from it being maybe the 1st time I've ever been able to tolerate Hope Davis. She cracks a smile in this, something I thought was impossible.
5/10
1/23/06
MATCH POINT
The hype and acclaim directed at Woody Allen's latest comeback film is mostly deserved. I'm not sure it's the second coming, but it's an impeccably made, written and acted film. It's just not terribly original, that's the only complaint.
We've seen most of this material before, but Allen does make it quite fresh. I am partial to the one-liner style of his, but his dialogue is great here too, and it does have some viciously funny lines.
Johnathan Rhys Meyers is excellent. It's hard to make me enjoy a cheating bastard character, but he does it. He's got charisma to spare and I demand he loans me some. Emily Mortimer is maybe the best she's ever been. I loved seeing Spud from Trainspotting as one of the detectives. And if I don't make Scarlett Johansson my future wife then life just will never be complete. Good lawd!! It takes a little while for her performance (and the whole film) to get rolling, but she gets better as the film goes along.
I guess I missed where this is some edge of your seat thriller. I didn't see that in it. I liked the film as a drama, mixed with some dark comedy. Gotta love the ending and how it comes to that.
8/10
UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION
I'd really looked forward to the original Underworld in 2003. Great look, vampires and werewolves, Kate Beckinsale in a tight leather outfit...what more could you ask for? Well, the film was rather underwhelming. It wasn't bad, but fell far short of its potential.
The sequel improves on the original. It's more epic, not quite as grim, and has Kate out of that tight leather outfit! Genre films always heave a lot of backstory at the viewer, cause you've always got a lot of mythology involved, and I thought that material here was more interesting than the norm. The look of the film remains great. It doesn't have that cheap look a lot of horror flicks do. Kate is GORGEOUS, and because the director is her husband (grr), he was able to get her to do a lovably gratuitous sex scene! Overall I think Kate's been one of the best action star females of all these recent films and shows. Scott Speedman is a little less of a blank and wuss this time out.
The film is a little short on action most of the way, but then explodes with one of the best climactic action/fight sequences since Kill Bill. You also get one of the coolest big bad dispatchings in recent memory.
7/10
some recent trailers (ok, the ones at Underworld):
Slither: Looks like Eight Legged Freaks with slugs this time...but I LIKED Eight Legged Freaks. And it has Captain Reynolds!
Silent Hill: Radha Mitchell happens upon a town that's deserted and covered in ash. Not a great trailer, but the look is unique.
Stay Alive: A group of people are offed by a video game. Looks cruddy, but it stars Sophia Bush and Samaire Armstrong, who are 2 of my future wives, so I feel compelled.
She's The Man: Amanda Bynes dresses up like a guy. Amanda is cute (even in her ridiculously unconvincing man gear), but my god this looks dreadful. I'd rather watch Juwanna Man!
X3: I'm still hard from it!!!
Ultraviolet: At first I thought this was a teaser for Resident Evil 3. Instead this looks like Milla Jovovich doing her best Aeon Flux, in a film that looks almost entirely CGI.
Changing subjects drastically, rest in peace to Chris Penn. While he was not a favorite of mine, he was in Reservoir Dogs, which is one of the most important films of the last 15 years. He was also in Rush Hour and a bunch of other films.
We've seen most of this material before, but Allen does make it quite fresh. I am partial to the one-liner style of his, but his dialogue is great here too, and it does have some viciously funny lines.
Johnathan Rhys Meyers is excellent. It's hard to make me enjoy a cheating bastard character, but he does it. He's got charisma to spare and I demand he loans me some. Emily Mortimer is maybe the best she's ever been. I loved seeing Spud from Trainspotting as one of the detectives. And if I don't make Scarlett Johansson my future wife then life just will never be complete. Good lawd!! It takes a little while for her performance (and the whole film) to get rolling, but she gets better as the film goes along.
I guess I missed where this is some edge of your seat thriller. I didn't see that in it. I liked the film as a drama, mixed with some dark comedy. Gotta love the ending and how it comes to that.
8/10
UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION
I'd really looked forward to the original Underworld in 2003. Great look, vampires and werewolves, Kate Beckinsale in a tight leather outfit...what more could you ask for? Well, the film was rather underwhelming. It wasn't bad, but fell far short of its potential.
The sequel improves on the original. It's more epic, not quite as grim, and has Kate out of that tight leather outfit! Genre films always heave a lot of backstory at the viewer, cause you've always got a lot of mythology involved, and I thought that material here was more interesting than the norm. The look of the film remains great. It doesn't have that cheap look a lot of horror flicks do. Kate is GORGEOUS, and because the director is her husband (grr), he was able to get her to do a lovably gratuitous sex scene! Overall I think Kate's been one of the best action star females of all these recent films and shows. Scott Speedman is a little less of a blank and wuss this time out.
The film is a little short on action most of the way, but then explodes with one of the best climactic action/fight sequences since Kill Bill. You also get one of the coolest big bad dispatchings in recent memory.
7/10
some recent trailers (ok, the ones at Underworld):
Slither: Looks like Eight Legged Freaks with slugs this time...but I LIKED Eight Legged Freaks. And it has Captain Reynolds!
Silent Hill: Radha Mitchell happens upon a town that's deserted and covered in ash. Not a great trailer, but the look is unique.
Stay Alive: A group of people are offed by a video game. Looks cruddy, but it stars Sophia Bush and Samaire Armstrong, who are 2 of my future wives, so I feel compelled.
She's The Man: Amanda Bynes dresses up like a guy. Amanda is cute (even in her ridiculously unconvincing man gear), but my god this looks dreadful. I'd rather watch Juwanna Man!
X3: I'm still hard from it!!!
Ultraviolet: At first I thought this was a teaser for Resident Evil 3. Instead this looks like Milla Jovovich doing her best Aeon Flux, in a film that looks almost entirely CGI.
Changing subjects drastically, rest in peace to Chris Penn. While he was not a favorite of mine, he was in Reservoir Dogs, which is one of the most important films of the last 15 years. He was also in Rush Hour and a bunch of other films.
JUNEBUG
Amy Adams has a good chance at a supporting actress nod on Tuesday and I can see why. She lights up the screen here. So cheerful and optimistic, but not in a naive way. This film has the same kind of storyline as The Family Stone did, with the guy bringing his new woman home (in this case his wife), but this film is better cause Embeth Davidtz is much much better than Sarah Jessica Parker. The only major false note is The OC's Ben McKenzie, all one note as Amy's near mute, angry husband. But this is a very good little film.
7/10
DEVOUR
A neat premise for this horror flick. Satan uses an online game to possess people and make them do things (I assume this is how Hostel opened at #1). But the premise is kind of wasted, and it isn't scary. Nice to see Dominique Swain is still giving Bijou Phillips a run for the title of cinema's biggest skank. Shannyn Sossamon's pretty cool, as she always is. Too bad her career hasn't gone farther than dtv horror.
4/10
ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW
This film was mostly the good kind of quirky, but man did it have a couple parts that were just beyond weird. The thing with the kid and the woman online was just disturbing. And, uh, where is this parallel universe where anyone like those 2 hot young girls exist? I'd like to go there. But aside from that, the film is good. I loved the Miranda July-John Hawkes material. Hawkes has been one of my favorite character actors for a long time now, and it was great to see him in a leading role! July's weird as a writer, but at the very least this film shows lots of promise.
6/10
Amy Adams has a good chance at a supporting actress nod on Tuesday and I can see why. She lights up the screen here. So cheerful and optimistic, but not in a naive way. This film has the same kind of storyline as The Family Stone did, with the guy bringing his new woman home (in this case his wife), but this film is better cause Embeth Davidtz is much much better than Sarah Jessica Parker. The only major false note is The OC's Ben McKenzie, all one note as Amy's near mute, angry husband. But this is a very good little film.
7/10
DEVOUR
A neat premise for this horror flick. Satan uses an online game to possess people and make them do things (I assume this is how Hostel opened at #1). But the premise is kind of wasted, and it isn't scary. Nice to see Dominique Swain is still giving Bijou Phillips a run for the title of cinema's biggest skank. Shannyn Sossamon's pretty cool, as she always is. Too bad her career hasn't gone farther than dtv horror.
4/10
ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW
This film was mostly the good kind of quirky, but man did it have a couple parts that were just beyond weird. The thing with the kid and the woman online was just disturbing. And, uh, where is this parallel universe where anyone like those 2 hot young girls exist? I'd like to go there. But aside from that, the film is good. I loved the Miranda July-John Hawkes material. Hawkes has been one of my favorite character actors for a long time now, and it was great to see him in a leading role! July's weird as a writer, but at the very least this film shows lots of promise.
6/10
1/30/06
LOOKING FOR COMEDY IN THE MUSLIM WORLD
Albert Brooks is one of the funniest comedians on the planet, but this film was an even bigger clunker than The Muse (and that's really saying something. The premise had promise, with Brooks being sent by the government to discover what makes Muslims laugh. But the plot is woefully underdeveloped. it doesn't go anywhere. And nobody in the film laughs at Brooks, and they shouldn't, cause he's not funny here. Bad comedy routines are not inherently funny just because the performer knows it's bad. This film's ratio of laughs to clunkers is way too lopsided. I sure liked Sheetal Sheth. She plays Brooks' Hindu assistant and is hands down one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen. But you know a film stinks when its closing joke is actually something that could not be considered funny by anyone.
3/10
URBAN LEGENDS: BLOODY MARY
The first 2 Urban Legend movies were each solid. They were Scream wannabes, but were fun. i can see why this one went straight to dvd though. It's barely even about urban legends. This installment seems more interested in ripping off these Ring/Grudge flicks, with a ghost having unfinished business. I guess the deaths are based on urban legends, but if so they aren't very cool. There's one really cool death, where spiders hatch from inside a girl's face. Kate Mara is cute as the scream queen, but she has no screen prescence, and the story makes no sense.
3/10
Albert Brooks is one of the funniest comedians on the planet, but this film was an even bigger clunker than The Muse (and that's really saying something. The premise had promise, with Brooks being sent by the government to discover what makes Muslims laugh. But the plot is woefully underdeveloped. it doesn't go anywhere. And nobody in the film laughs at Brooks, and they shouldn't, cause he's not funny here. Bad comedy routines are not inherently funny just because the performer knows it's bad. This film's ratio of laughs to clunkers is way too lopsided. I sure liked Sheetal Sheth. She plays Brooks' Hindu assistant and is hands down one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen. But you know a film stinks when its closing joke is actually something that could not be considered funny by anyone.
3/10
URBAN LEGENDS: BLOODY MARY
The first 2 Urban Legend movies were each solid. They were Scream wannabes, but were fun. i can see why this one went straight to dvd though. It's barely even about urban legends. This installment seems more interested in ripping off these Ring/Grudge flicks, with a ghost having unfinished business. I guess the deaths are based on urban legends, but if so they aren't very cool. There's one really cool death, where spiders hatch from inside a girl's face. Kate Mara is cute as the scream queen, but she has no screen prescence, and the story makes no sense.
3/10
2/4/06
WHEN A STRANGER CALLS
The horror genre has nowhere to go but up after its 2005 output. This film's still pretty weak though. It's a thoroughly uninspired remake, one with no ambition to do anything creative or distinctive...basically anything that would justify its own existence. The director is Simon West, whose career has been filled with loud blockbusters. This guy has NO subtlety, which, uh, you kinda need to do a suspense thriller like this. This film's about as subtle as a shovel to the face. The score is ridiculously over the top. There's a black cat running around. The creepy bad guy makes Jason Voorhees look like a fountain of personality. Does the film do anything right? Yes, and it can be summed up in 2 words: Camilla Belle. My future wife is very good here. She's got that smart but vulnerable act down that Neve Campbell all but perfected in Scream. She's been able to make strong impressions in inferior films so far, so that bodes well for her future.
4/10
THE TRUTH ABOUT LOVE
Jennifer Love Hewitt should've been a major movie star for years now, but why isn't she? Well, she does shit films like this nearly unwatchable romantic comedy. It's insufferable. The female characters are like Sex and the City's vapid bitches, only worse and dumber. J Love's character is english, and her accent saps the life out of her. Much of the dialogue sounds like it was recorded inside a cave. It isn't funny. The movie is supposed to be about the Dougray Scott character's secret crush on J Love, but that's barely even touched on until the very end. The predictable ending is marginally sweet, but not enough to save this turkey.
2/10
The horror genre has nowhere to go but up after its 2005 output. This film's still pretty weak though. It's a thoroughly uninspired remake, one with no ambition to do anything creative or distinctive...basically anything that would justify its own existence. The director is Simon West, whose career has been filled with loud blockbusters. This guy has NO subtlety, which, uh, you kinda need to do a suspense thriller like this. This film's about as subtle as a shovel to the face. The score is ridiculously over the top. There's a black cat running around. The creepy bad guy makes Jason Voorhees look like a fountain of personality. Does the film do anything right? Yes, and it can be summed up in 2 words: Camilla Belle. My future wife is very good here. She's got that smart but vulnerable act down that Neve Campbell all but perfected in Scream. She's been able to make strong impressions in inferior films so far, so that bodes well for her future.
4/10
THE TRUTH ABOUT LOVE
Jennifer Love Hewitt should've been a major movie star for years now, but why isn't she? Well, she does shit films like this nearly unwatchable romantic comedy. It's insufferable. The female characters are like Sex and the City's vapid bitches, only worse and dumber. J Love's character is english, and her accent saps the life out of her. Much of the dialogue sounds like it was recorded inside a cave. It isn't funny. The movie is supposed to be about the Dougray Scott character's secret crush on J Love, but that's barely even touched on until the very end. The predictable ending is marginally sweet, but not enough to save this turkey.
2/10
2/6/06
SUPER BOWL MOVIE COMMERCIALS
Man do I miss the days when studios made cool, game specific movie previews. That ID4 one was a classic, as was the Armageddon one. This year we had:
V for Vendetta: Showed nothing new.
Pirates Of The Caribbean 2: Looks like fun. Empty fun.
Mission Impossible 3: Same as the trailer, just shorter.
Cars: Looks lame, but I trust Pixar implicitly.
Poseidon: Big wave? Big ship? Hmm, never seen those before! But it might be fun, and Emmy is in it.
16 Blocks: Shorter trailer. Most intrigued cause of Mos Def.
Click: Actual trailer is funny.
Running Scared: Paul Walker couldn't get a hit when he had a bikini-clad Jessica Alba as his co-star. This has NO chance.
Man do I miss the days when studios made cool, game specific movie previews. That ID4 one was a classic, as was the Armageddon one. This year we had:
V for Vendetta: Showed nothing new.
Pirates Of The Caribbean 2: Looks like fun. Empty fun.
Mission Impossible 3: Same as the trailer, just shorter.
Cars: Looks lame, but I trust Pixar implicitly.
Poseidon: Big wave? Big ship? Hmm, never seen those before! But it might be fun, and Emmy is in it.
16 Blocks: Shorter trailer. Most intrigued cause of Mos Def.
Click: Actual trailer is funny.
Running Scared: Paul Walker couldn't get a hit when he had a bikini-clad Jessica Alba as his co-star. This has NO chance.
SOMETHING NEW
A pleasant, but entirely forgettable romantic comedy about an uptight black woman (the ever gorgeous Sanaa Lathan) who falls for a charming white guy (charming Simon Baker). There's nothing in it I hated, and nothing in it I loved.
2/11/06
FINAL DESTINATION 3
*death spoilers*
This franchise is now a perfect 3-for-3. The formula is still clicking. We've got another dandy of an opening grabber, as our VERY cute heroine has a vision of a deadly rollercoaster accident, freaks out and gets off in time, along with several others, only to see the accident actually happen.
Then here come those elaborately staged death scenes for the "survivors." I've figured out that this is why the series appeals to me. It says that even if you've got an awful fate and are somehow able to avoid it, that reprieve will not last. In fact, now your fate will be even WORSE than before! Sounds like my life!![]()
These deaths are always so well done. You know these took a lot of thought to pull off. I LOVED seeing the 2 stupid, shallow bitches burned to a crisp in a tanning booth. The nail gun through the head was brutal! That girl was really hot too. Propellor to the skull? Awesome! Impaling, smashing, blood, guts. This film took a more somber approach to this, like FD1, and I liked that, not that FD2 wasn't great too. And it has hands down the best ending of the series so far.
The series can keep going. Death is not a villain you need to rationalize into existence, like Jason or Freddy. As long as the formula holds and they keep displaying a suitable interest in story and character, which they do here, there's no reason that Final Destination 4-Warned shouldn't be coming soon.
8/10
THE PINK PANTHER
Another "why bother?" remake. This film does a lot of the old fashioned farcical comedy, and some of it is amusing, but mostly it's kind of just a mild "heh." Steve Martin gives it his all, but as a co-writer he didn't give himself much to do, and the story itself couldn't be less interesting. Beyonce looks terrific, but her performance couldn't be more mannequin-like if she was holding up a price sign. I did like Jean Reno as the guy assigned to follow Martin around. The next time I watch Leon I expect to picture him dancing in tights! I respect the decision to not modernize things too much, but I want to laugh at a comedy, not respect it.
4/10
CRY WOLF
A bunch of thoroughly unlikable prep school kids make up a serial killer, who then becomes real...or does he? This film cheats to stay mysterious, and never becomes scary. I hated every character. I can't imagine why Jon Bon Jovi was in this. Chalk up yet another 2005 horror dud.
2/10
*death spoilers*
This franchise is now a perfect 3-for-3. The formula is still clicking. We've got another dandy of an opening grabber, as our VERY cute heroine has a vision of a deadly rollercoaster accident, freaks out and gets off in time, along with several others, only to see the accident actually happen.
Then here come those elaborately staged death scenes for the "survivors." I've figured out that this is why the series appeals to me. It says that even if you've got an awful fate and are somehow able to avoid it, that reprieve will not last. In fact, now your fate will be even WORSE than before! Sounds like my life!
These deaths are always so well done. You know these took a lot of thought to pull off. I LOVED seeing the 2 stupid, shallow bitches burned to a crisp in a tanning booth. The nail gun through the head was brutal! That girl was really hot too. Propellor to the skull? Awesome! Impaling, smashing, blood, guts. This film took a more somber approach to this, like FD1, and I liked that, not that FD2 wasn't great too. And it has hands down the best ending of the series so far.
The series can keep going. Death is not a villain you need to rationalize into existence, like Jason or Freddy. As long as the formula holds and they keep displaying a suitable interest in story and character, which they do here, there's no reason that Final Destination 4-Warned shouldn't be coming soon.
8/10
THE PINK PANTHER
Another "why bother?" remake. This film does a lot of the old fashioned farcical comedy, and some of it is amusing, but mostly it's kind of just a mild "heh." Steve Martin gives it his all, but as a co-writer he didn't give himself much to do, and the story itself couldn't be less interesting. Beyonce looks terrific, but her performance couldn't be more mannequin-like if she was holding up a price sign. I did like Jean Reno as the guy assigned to follow Martin around. The next time I watch Leon I expect to picture him dancing in tights! I respect the decision to not modernize things too much, but I want to laugh at a comedy, not respect it.
4/10
CRY WOLF
A bunch of thoroughly unlikable prep school kids make up a serial killer, who then becomes real...or does he? This film cheats to stay mysterious, and never becomes scary. I hated every character. I can't imagine why Jon Bon Jovi was in this. Chalk up yet another 2005 horror dud.
2/10
2/14/06
PRETTY PERSUASION
This film, iirc, got pretty bad reviews when it came out last year. I don't see why. I thought this film was pretty excellent, a rare black comedy that doesn't go soft at all. This film is also laugh out loud funny a few times, especially the first couple scenes with James Woods! I do kinda wonder how they could get away with having the underaged Evan Rachel Wood simulating oral sex on film. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Why do I suspect admitting that will put me on some kind of list?
Anyway, Evan is fantastic. This performance is the match of hers from Thirteen.
8/10
CINDERELLA MAN
You may now count me among the many people questioning why this film was neither a box office hit nor an Oscar nominee for best picture. This is definitely one of the best films Ron Howard has ever made. It has some of the absolute best period detail I have ever seen. Russell Crowe's performance should've garnered him not only a nomination, but probably frontrunner status. The fights are excellent, with the final one against Max Baer ranking up there with the best screen fights ever. Renee Zellweger's performance is kind of ordinary, but that's the lone major blight. Definitely one of 2005's best films.
9/10
This film, iirc, got pretty bad reviews when it came out last year. I don't see why. I thought this film was pretty excellent, a rare black comedy that doesn't go soft at all. This film is also laugh out loud funny a few times, especially the first couple scenes with James Woods! I do kinda wonder how they could get away with having the underaged Evan Rachel Wood simulating oral sex on film. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Why do I suspect admitting that will put me on some kind of list?
Anyway, Evan is fantastic. This performance is the match of hers from Thirteen.
8/10
CINDERELLA MAN
You may now count me among the many people questioning why this film was neither a box office hit nor an Oscar nominee for best picture. This is definitely one of the best films Ron Howard has ever made. It has some of the absolute best period detail I have ever seen. Russell Crowe's performance should've garnered him not only a nomination, but probably frontrunner status. The fights are excellent, with the final one against Max Baer ranking up there with the best screen fights ever. Renee Zellweger's performance is kind of ordinary, but that's the lone major blight. Definitely one of 2005's best films.
9/10
I think that whole incident with Russell Crowe throwing a phone at that guy also contributed to his snub in particular. Crowe may be a prick, but he's indisputably one of the great actors working today, and if he keeps this up he's gonna go down as one of the all time greats.
2/20/06
In theaters:
EIGHT BELOW
It's too bad that not all family films can be intelligent like this one is. I normally don't go see films like this, but I had a hunch from the trailer this would be good, and I was right. A team of sled dogs are left stranded in Antartica, and Paul Walker tries to get back to save them. Animals in movies are usually there just for comic relief, but here these dogs (as silly as this may sound) have to carry off scenes of true drama and emotion...and they DO it! The trainers deserve special praise for their work. There's even a really exciting scene where the dogs take on a leopard seal.
The humans are good too. This is a very good role for Walker, a limited actor, but one of the easiest guys to like. Jason Biggs is good comic relief. Bruce Greenwood skillfully avoids becoming a villain, and Moon Bloodgood is a yummy love interest.
7/10
FREEDOMLAND
I've never been a fan of Julianne Moore, and now I have a new example to explain why. Her performance here, as a woman who allegedly is carjacked, and with the jacker driving off with her son in the car, is absolutely HORRIBLE! I could rant for hours about how bad she is here. I lack the verbal skills to convey the nails-on-blackboard effect of her twitchy, loud overacting in this film. Plus I don't know what she was doing with her mouth, but she insisted on keeping her upper lip raised the whole time and it drove me fucking NUTS!. Every moment she was speaking, I wanted to leave the theater
Mercifully, on the other end of the spectrum, we have the great Samuel L. Jackson, whose maddening inconsistency of projects the last several years has threatened to ruin his career. But he's back on his A game here (well, maybe a high B), with a calm, smart performance that is almost totally free of that Shaft-like badass cool he's skated by on a few times. It's a performance of substance, and he NEEDED it.
In between these two performances is a film that's quite a mess. There are a couple other strong performances (Edie Falco, William Forsythe) and a bad one (Ron Eldard, whose character makes NO sense). There are a LOT of ideas in the film, written by the excellent Rchard Price, but you can tell this is one of those book adaptations that struggles to take a long book (Price's too) and compress it into 2 hours. Joe Roth is not much of a director, but this is his first passable film. A true filmmaker like Spike Lee would've made this a classic.
6/10
DATE MOVIE
This movie has one of the great endings of any movie in YEARS! In a parody of King Kong, Carmen Electra plays the Naomi Watts role...and Kong FLATTENS HER!!! Seeing this stupid, talentless skank DIE is a joy to behold! She should die in every movie!
Sadly, the movie that preceded it was a complete turkey.
Now, I adore the parody genre. I worship it, and it is pretty much my favorite style of writing myself. Naked Gun, Hot Shots, Airplane, Scary Movie 1, Spaceballs...these are brilliantly funny movies. Any 5 minutes of any of those films has more laughs than Date Movie. I laughed more at most of the movies this one pointlessly mocks.
Just on a basic level it can't work. What is the point of spoofing Meet The Parents, with Eddie Griffin in the DeNiro role? Did anyone actually beleve Griffin would prove funnier in the role??? Nothing wrong on paper with the idea of casting Fred Willard and Stifler's mom in the Hoffman and Streisand roles, but WHY DO IT? Why are they trying to spoof the FUNNY parts of FUNNY movies???
Romantic comedies are very worthy targets of parody, but the cliches and cheesy parts of that genre aren't even touched on here. Instead it's just a steady parade of references that are NOT funny. And by the way, why must EVERY single reference be made so obviously? At one point, Alyson Hannigan gets the ability to read peoples thoughts, and then says "it's like I'm in a bad Mel Gibson movie." Gee thanks, like we didn't know what movie was getting mocked! My GOD! Good parodies require some effort to get the jokes, they make you think about em sometimes. This movie makes a bad joke, then stops dead to let the presumed idiot audience catch up.
And the writers (clearly the 2 worst of the Scary Movie guys) are under the impression that simply referencing another movie is automatically funny. Someone explain to me what was supposed to be funny about the Napoleon Dynamite gag? Oh, his shirt is different. Haha! Why make a guy up like Owen Wilson just to make a joke-free Wedding Crashers reference? There's a Lord Of The Rings joke here that is just pathetic. FOX, pay ME! I could have written you a dozen actual jokes for that scene! I've parodied that famous Say Anything scene and did it funnier! Having this movie's Hitch be a midget is a one second joke that never ends. Yes, there's a Star Wars joke, and it's one of the few chuckles there is here. I also liked an unexpected Kill Bill joke, but then they have it go on forever and it becomes annoying.
Alyson Hannigan deserves better. She's a delight, but here she's given nothing to do but deliver fat jokes. And I'm no prude, but this movie's reliance on grossout jokes is just irritating. Not one of those gags here (pun intended) is funny.
It isn't often I see a movie and know I could do better, but in this case I already HAVE done better!
2/10
(hey, Carmen dies, so it can't be a 1)
On DVD:
UNDISCOVERED
Most notable for co-starring Ashlee Simpson (whose new Elle shoot proves conclusively how gorgeous she is as a blonde), it's mostly about this bland hot guy singer-songwriter whose trying for his big break, and then because he's hot this girl helps him get a record deal. I've already forgotten what happens. It's not an ordeal to sit through. It's interesting to observe just how gross Carrie Fisher has become. Princess Leia has had a sex change, I know it! The sexalicious Shannyn Sossamon dons a ridiculous Brazilian accent. Ashlee's very good (she WAS an actress first), but she's absent for huge stretches of the film.
4/10
ROLL BOUNCE
Surprisingly enjoyable, although maybe it shouldn't be a surprise since it's from the same folks who made Barbershop and Soul Food. It's another clean, primarily black-cast film that doesn't involve gangs and drugs and all that. Its main story about a kind of rollerskating battle is silly, and I didnt care that much. But all the stuff surrounding it is good. Bow Bow, hey, he's not a bad actor. He holds his own with Chi McBride (a VERY good actor) in a couple of rather heavy dramatic scenes. He might wanna change his stage name though if he wants respect. My future wife Meagan Good pops up as his love interest. Honestly, if there's a more perfect specimen of womanhood out there, clue me in, cause right now I've got Meagan at the top! And her onetime Eve's Bayou co-star Jurnee Smollett pops up here, and she's cute too. I'd totally forgotten about her! And you cannot beat the soundtrack, since this is set around the late 70's.
7/10
MY DATE WITH DREW
This guy did a documentary chronicling his quest to get a date with longtime crush Drew Barrymore. I enjoyed this movie, but it's not very well made, and it is WAY too long for a doc with such a simple idea. The guy is likable though, and when he finally has his date, it is pretty fun.
6/10
EIGHT BELOW
It's too bad that not all family films can be intelligent like this one is. I normally don't go see films like this, but I had a hunch from the trailer this would be good, and I was right. A team of sled dogs are left stranded in Antartica, and Paul Walker tries to get back to save them. Animals in movies are usually there just for comic relief, but here these dogs (as silly as this may sound) have to carry off scenes of true drama and emotion...and they DO it! The trainers deserve special praise for their work. There's even a really exciting scene where the dogs take on a leopard seal.
The humans are good too. This is a very good role for Walker, a limited actor, but one of the easiest guys to like. Jason Biggs is good comic relief. Bruce Greenwood skillfully avoids becoming a villain, and Moon Bloodgood is a yummy love interest.
7/10
FREEDOMLAND
I've never been a fan of Julianne Moore, and now I have a new example to explain why. Her performance here, as a woman who allegedly is carjacked, and with the jacker driving off with her son in the car, is absolutely HORRIBLE! I could rant for hours about how bad she is here. I lack the verbal skills to convey the nails-on-blackboard effect of her twitchy, loud overacting in this film. Plus I don't know what she was doing with her mouth, but she insisted on keeping her upper lip raised the whole time and it drove me fucking NUTS!. Every moment she was speaking, I wanted to leave the theater
Mercifully, on the other end of the spectrum, we have the great Samuel L. Jackson, whose maddening inconsistency of projects the last several years has threatened to ruin his career. But he's back on his A game here (well, maybe a high B), with a calm, smart performance that is almost totally free of that Shaft-like badass cool he's skated by on a few times. It's a performance of substance, and he NEEDED it.
In between these two performances is a film that's quite a mess. There are a couple other strong performances (Edie Falco, William Forsythe) and a bad one (Ron Eldard, whose character makes NO sense). There are a LOT of ideas in the film, written by the excellent Rchard Price, but you can tell this is one of those book adaptations that struggles to take a long book (Price's too) and compress it into 2 hours. Joe Roth is not much of a director, but this is his first passable film. A true filmmaker like Spike Lee would've made this a classic.
6/10
DATE MOVIE
This movie has one of the great endings of any movie in YEARS! In a parody of King Kong, Carmen Electra plays the Naomi Watts role...and Kong FLATTENS HER!!! Seeing this stupid, talentless skank DIE is a joy to behold! She should die in every movie!
Sadly, the movie that preceded it was a complete turkey.
Now, I adore the parody genre. I worship it, and it is pretty much my favorite style of writing myself. Naked Gun, Hot Shots, Airplane, Scary Movie 1, Spaceballs...these are brilliantly funny movies. Any 5 minutes of any of those films has more laughs than Date Movie. I laughed more at most of the movies this one pointlessly mocks.
Just on a basic level it can't work. What is the point of spoofing Meet The Parents, with Eddie Griffin in the DeNiro role? Did anyone actually beleve Griffin would prove funnier in the role??? Nothing wrong on paper with the idea of casting Fred Willard and Stifler's mom in the Hoffman and Streisand roles, but WHY DO IT? Why are they trying to spoof the FUNNY parts of FUNNY movies???
Romantic comedies are very worthy targets of parody, but the cliches and cheesy parts of that genre aren't even touched on here. Instead it's just a steady parade of references that are NOT funny. And by the way, why must EVERY single reference be made so obviously? At one point, Alyson Hannigan gets the ability to read peoples thoughts, and then says "it's like I'm in a bad Mel Gibson movie." Gee thanks, like we didn't know what movie was getting mocked! My GOD! Good parodies require some effort to get the jokes, they make you think about em sometimes. This movie makes a bad joke, then stops dead to let the presumed idiot audience catch up.
And the writers (clearly the 2 worst of the Scary Movie guys) are under the impression that simply referencing another movie is automatically funny. Someone explain to me what was supposed to be funny about the Napoleon Dynamite gag? Oh, his shirt is different. Haha! Why make a guy up like Owen Wilson just to make a joke-free Wedding Crashers reference? There's a Lord Of The Rings joke here that is just pathetic. FOX, pay ME! I could have written you a dozen actual jokes for that scene! I've parodied that famous Say Anything scene and did it funnier! Having this movie's Hitch be a midget is a one second joke that never ends. Yes, there's a Star Wars joke, and it's one of the few chuckles there is here. I also liked an unexpected Kill Bill joke, but then they have it go on forever and it becomes annoying.
Alyson Hannigan deserves better. She's a delight, but here she's given nothing to do but deliver fat jokes. And I'm no prude, but this movie's reliance on grossout jokes is just irritating. Not one of those gags here (pun intended) is funny.
It isn't often I see a movie and know I could do better, but in this case I already HAVE done better!
2/10
(hey, Carmen dies, so it can't be a 1)
On DVD:
UNDISCOVERED
Most notable for co-starring Ashlee Simpson (whose new Elle shoot proves conclusively how gorgeous she is as a blonde), it's mostly about this bland hot guy singer-songwriter whose trying for his big break, and then because he's hot this girl helps him get a record deal. I've already forgotten what happens. It's not an ordeal to sit through. It's interesting to observe just how gross Carrie Fisher has become. Princess Leia has had a sex change, I know it! The sexalicious Shannyn Sossamon dons a ridiculous Brazilian accent. Ashlee's very good (she WAS an actress first), but she's absent for huge stretches of the film.
4/10
ROLL BOUNCE
Surprisingly enjoyable, although maybe it shouldn't be a surprise since it's from the same folks who made Barbershop and Soul Food. It's another clean, primarily black-cast film that doesn't involve gangs and drugs and all that. Its main story about a kind of rollerskating battle is silly, and I didnt care that much. But all the stuff surrounding it is good. Bow Bow, hey, he's not a bad actor. He holds his own with Chi McBride (a VERY good actor) in a couple of rather heavy dramatic scenes. He might wanna change his stage name though if he wants respect. My future wife Meagan Good pops up as his love interest. Honestly, if there's a more perfect specimen of womanhood out there, clue me in, cause right now I've got Meagan at the top! And her onetime Eve's Bayou co-star Jurnee Smollett pops up here, and she's cute too. I'd totally forgotten about her! And you cannot beat the soundtrack, since this is set around the late 70's.
7/10
MY DATE WITH DREW
This guy did a documentary chronicling his quest to get a date with longtime crush Drew Barrymore. I enjoyed this movie, but it's not very well made, and it is WAY too long for a doc with such a simple idea. The guy is likable though, and when he finally has his date, it is pretty fun.
6/10
2/22/06
ONG-BAK
This kung-fu flick pretty much delivers the goods. Tony Jaa doesn't have much presence, but I did like how his stunts and fights seemed to be an almost 50-50 mix of Bruce Lee's hard fighting and Jackie Chan's nifty stuntwork. There are some really great stunts here, though I wish the filmmakers hadn't used an instant replay on so many of them. The story is non-existent even by this genre's standards.
6/10
VIRGIN
A rebellious young girl believes she's carrying the second coming. I couldn't even watch more than about 30 minutes of this film. One, it was dreadfully boring. Two, it was shot with the worst digital video I have ever seen.
0/10
NOVEMBER
A strange experiment of a film. Courteney Cox's boyfriend is killed in a store holdup, and then we see the aftermath from different points of view. It's confusing as hell, and I honestly do not know what the overall point was supposed to be. I did like that it was such a downer of a film. Cox gives a very strong performance too.
5/10
WHY WE FIGHT
A very well made, interesting and absorbing documentary about America's obsession with war. For those who hate the one-sided approach of a Michael Moore, they'll like this one that looks at pretty much every viewpoint without judgment.
8/10
This kung-fu flick pretty much delivers the goods. Tony Jaa doesn't have much presence, but I did like how his stunts and fights seemed to be an almost 50-50 mix of Bruce Lee's hard fighting and Jackie Chan's nifty stuntwork. There are some really great stunts here, though I wish the filmmakers hadn't used an instant replay on so many of them. The story is non-existent even by this genre's standards.
6/10
VIRGIN
A rebellious young girl believes she's carrying the second coming. I couldn't even watch more than about 30 minutes of this film. One, it was dreadfully boring. Two, it was shot with the worst digital video I have ever seen.
0/10
NOVEMBER
A strange experiment of a film. Courteney Cox's boyfriend is killed in a store holdup, and then we see the aftermath from different points of view. It's confusing as hell, and I honestly do not know what the overall point was supposed to be. I did like that it was such a downer of a film. Cox gives a very strong performance too.
5/10
WHY WE FIGHT
A very well made, interesting and absorbing documentary about America's obsession with war. For those who hate the one-sided approach of a Michael Moore, they'll like this one that looks at pretty much every viewpoint without judgment.
8/10
3/4/06
OSCAR PICKS:
I'll just do the major categories.
BEST PICTURE:
Will win: Brokeback Mountain. This has been seemingly set in stone for 2 or 3 months now, and I don't buy the idea of a Crash upset...
Should win: Crash. ...but I wouldn't mind seeing it. These 2 films are easily my faves of the bunch, and I had Crash a few spots higher.
BEST DIRECTOR:
Will win: Ang Lee. The academy passed him over for CTHD, and now he gets his award.
Should win: Ang Lee. Lee directed his film with an expert touch that cannot be denied.
BEST ACTOR:
Will win: Philip Seymour Hoffman. Close to a lock. He's won everything so far, and he's a long-respected actor who's never won an Oscar.
Should win: Heath Ledger. Not often does one performance completely alter the trajectory of a career. 6 months ago this guy's career was gone!
BEST ACTRESS:
Will win: Reese Witherspoon. Felicity Huffman doesn't have near the buzz of Charlize a couple years ago, leaving Reese the runaway winner.
Should win: Charlize Theron. I loved Reese, but fact is Charlize would be a near lock had North Country been a box office hit.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Will win: George Clooney. This a real close race with him and Giamatti. But Clooney's a multiple nominee this year, and I don't see him leaving empty-handed.
Should win: Jake Gyllenhaal. Very underrated considering the film's overall acclaim.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Will win: Rachel Weisz. Winning nearly all awards so far, and it's a way to reward a largely snubbed film too.
Should win: Michelle Williams. This was the best performance in the film. Rachel's right behind her though, and an Amy Adams upset would be wonderful too.
BEST PICTURE:
Will win: Brokeback Mountain. This has been seemingly set in stone for 2 or 3 months now, and I don't buy the idea of a Crash upset...
Should win: Crash. ...but I wouldn't mind seeing it. These 2 films are easily my faves of the bunch, and I had Crash a few spots higher.
BEST DIRECTOR:
Will win: Ang Lee. The academy passed him over for CTHD, and now he gets his award.
Should win: Ang Lee. Lee directed his film with an expert touch that cannot be denied.
BEST ACTOR:
Will win: Philip Seymour Hoffman. Close to a lock. He's won everything so far, and he's a long-respected actor who's never won an Oscar.
Should win: Heath Ledger. Not often does one performance completely alter the trajectory of a career. 6 months ago this guy's career was gone!
BEST ACTRESS:
Will win: Reese Witherspoon. Felicity Huffman doesn't have near the buzz of Charlize a couple years ago, leaving Reese the runaway winner.
Should win: Charlize Theron. I loved Reese, but fact is Charlize would be a near lock had North Country been a box office hit.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Will win: George Clooney. This a real close race with him and Giamatti. But Clooney's a multiple nominee this year, and I don't see him leaving empty-handed.
Should win: Jake Gyllenhaal. Very underrated considering the film's overall acclaim.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Will win: Rachel Weisz. Winning nearly all awards so far, and it's a way to reward a largely snubbed film too.
Should win: Michelle Williams. This was the best performance in the film. Rachel's right behind her though, and an Amy Adams upset would be wonderful too.
3/5/06
INDEPENDENT SPIRIT AWARD WINNERS
Best Feature: Brokeback Mountain
Best Director: Ang Lee-Brokeback Mountain
Best Male Lead: Philip Seymour Hoffman-Capote
Best Female Lead: Felicity Huffman-Transamerica
Best Supporting Male: Matt Dillon-Crash
Best Supporting Female: Amy Adams-Junebug
Best Screenplay: Capote
Best First Feature: Crash
Best First Screenplay: Transamerica
Best Foreign Film: Paradise Now
Best Documentary: Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room
Best Cinematography: Good Night And Good Luck
I now desperately want Sarah Silverman to host the Oscars!! She was SO funny on this!
Adams winning here pretty much eliminates Michelle Williams' hopes of taking the Oscar.
Best Feature: Brokeback Mountain
Best Director: Ang Lee-Brokeback Mountain
Best Male Lead: Philip Seymour Hoffman-Capote
Best Female Lead: Felicity Huffman-Transamerica
Best Supporting Male: Matt Dillon-Crash
Best Supporting Female: Amy Adams-Junebug
Best Screenplay: Capote
Best First Feature: Crash
Best First Screenplay: Transamerica
Best Foreign Film: Paradise Now
Best Documentary: Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room
Best Cinematography: Good Night And Good Luck
I now desperately want Sarah Silverman to host the Oscars!! She was SO funny on this!
Adams winning here pretty much eliminates Michelle Williams' hopes of taking the Oscar.
3/6/06
OSCARS
My predictions were nearly flawless, and the one miss is not one I'd argue. When Jack came out I knew Crash was gonna win, cause Jack's an L.A. guy and Crash is an L.A. film. Crash might be my favorite film to win the big award since probably Titanic. I urge anyone out there who has not seen the film to do so immediately.
Jon Stewart was a pretty good host. I loved those smear campaign ads they did. I liked the gay western montage.
I love that the Hustle & Flow song won! I REALLY love that they got Taraji Henson out there to do the hook! A rap song by a BLACK rapper (or ers) won an Oscar. Now I've seen it all.
Predictable winners mostly, but nothing to quibble about. Reese is a doll and I envy the hell out of Ryan Phillippe!
Once again they have audible applause during the memorial tribute montage. Will they ever stop that?
TONS of gorgeous ladies! It was pretty much the same gals making my jaw drop: Jessica Alba, Ziyi Zhang, Keira, Salma, Michelle Williams, Jennifer Garner, etc. And oooh! A Rachel McAdams sighting!
Don't feel too bad for folks like Paul Giamatti or Joaquin Phoenix. They're in the future "make good" category.
Jon Stewart was a pretty good host. I loved those smear campaign ads they did. I liked the gay western montage.
I love that the Hustle & Flow song won! I REALLY love that they got Taraji Henson out there to do the hook! A rap song by a BLACK rapper (or ers) won an Oscar. Now I've seen it all.
Predictable winners mostly, but nothing to quibble about. Reese is a doll and I envy the hell out of Ryan Phillippe!
Once again they have audible applause during the memorial tribute montage. Will they ever stop that?
TONS of gorgeous ladies! It was pretty much the same gals making my jaw drop: Jessica Alba, Ziyi Zhang, Keira, Salma, Michelle Williams, Jennifer Garner, etc. And oooh! A Rachel McAdams sighting!
Don't feel too bad for folks like Paul Giamatti or Joaquin Phoenix. They're in the future "make good" category.
3/11/06
16 BLOCKS
A modestly entertaining, but completely retarded cop thriller. There are so many huge plot holes in this film that I wouldn't even know where to begin. I'd especially like to note how Bruce Willis' grand plan shifts gears in 3 consecutive scenes at one point!! Willis is solid, and Mos Def is very good (though I suspect his voice may annoy most), but Bruce has done probably a half dozen cop movies way better than this.
DAVE CHAPPELLE'S BLOCK PARTY
Pretty simple. If you like Dave Chappelle (and you SHOULD!), and if you like the musicians in this film (and you REALLY SHOULD!!!), then you will like the film. Best parts: the riffing with Mos Def (yep, him again), the reunion of The Fugees, and Erykah Badu tearing off her fro!
BAND CAMP
The direct to dvd spinoff of American Pie. Not quite as bad as expected, although I have no clue why Eugene Levy is here. Oh, and The Sherminator is a guidance counselor now! The movie centers on Stifler's younger brother...who basically just impersonates Stifler. Oh well. You get a couple creative grossout gags, a little gratuitous nudity, a nerd who scores with a hot girl (always appreciated by me), and a girl who is basically Mandy Moore's twin sister.
VENOM
I'd almost give it a recommendation simply for having Bijou Phillips die horribly, but Venom is still a miss. The plot has a guy being bitten by possessed snakes and becoming a super evil, but the hows and whys are never explained. The last half of the film has everyone inside a house that's supposed to be protected by a spell...but the super evil can still pull it apart with his truck. My future wife Meagan Good is in this, as is my future, um, other wife Agnes Bruckner (we'll work it out), so there's eye candy. I know you've always gotta have the killer come back at the end, but here it makes NO sense! Still, that pain in the ass Bijou DIES!!! HAHA!!!!
THE HILLS HAVE EYES
Don't let horror remake burnout get you before seeing this. This film is BRUTAL! Its combination of disturbing violence and the sheer amount of blood and gore is arguably unmatched (it's no shock to learn the director also helmed High Tension). But this works better than the Saw movies because there's an actual movie here, and not just random sadism stunts. The characters are not shrill assholes who you can really enjoy seeing die (like Bijou Phillips, for example!). I gave a crap about the fates of these people, and when they die brutally and harshly it makes a real impact. And the level of bloody violence here is pummeling. I can see why an NC-17 rating was so hard to avoid. This is the first horror film in a long time to really creep me out.
A modestly entertaining, but completely retarded cop thriller. There are so many huge plot holes in this film that I wouldn't even know where to begin. I'd especially like to note how Bruce Willis' grand plan shifts gears in 3 consecutive scenes at one point!! Willis is solid, and Mos Def is very good (though I suspect his voice may annoy most), but Bruce has done probably a half dozen cop movies way better than this.
DAVE CHAPPELLE'S BLOCK PARTY
Pretty simple. If you like Dave Chappelle (and you SHOULD!), and if you like the musicians in this film (and you REALLY SHOULD!!!), then you will like the film. Best parts: the riffing with Mos Def (yep, him again), the reunion of The Fugees, and Erykah Badu tearing off her fro!
BAND CAMP
The direct to dvd spinoff of American Pie. Not quite as bad as expected, although I have no clue why Eugene Levy is here. Oh, and The Sherminator is a guidance counselor now! The movie centers on Stifler's younger brother...who basically just impersonates Stifler. Oh well. You get a couple creative grossout gags, a little gratuitous nudity, a nerd who scores with a hot girl (always appreciated by me), and a girl who is basically Mandy Moore's twin sister.
VENOM
I'd almost give it a recommendation simply for having Bijou Phillips die horribly, but Venom is still a miss. The plot has a guy being bitten by possessed snakes and becoming a super evil, but the hows and whys are never explained. The last half of the film has everyone inside a house that's supposed to be protected by a spell...but the super evil can still pull it apart with his truck. My future wife Meagan Good is in this, as is my future, um, other wife Agnes Bruckner (we'll work it out), so there's eye candy. I know you've always gotta have the killer come back at the end, but here it makes NO sense! Still, that pain in the ass Bijou DIES!!! HAHA!!!!
THE HILLS HAVE EYES
Don't let horror remake burnout get you before seeing this. This film is BRUTAL! Its combination of disturbing violence and the sheer amount of blood and gore is arguably unmatched (it's no shock to learn the director also helmed High Tension). But this works better than the Saw movies because there's an actual movie here, and not just random sadism stunts. The characters are not shrill assholes who you can really enjoy seeing die (like Bijou Phillips, for example!). I gave a crap about the fates of these people, and when they die brutally and harshly it makes a real impact. And the level of bloody violence here is pummeling. I can see why an NC-17 rating was so hard to avoid. This is the first horror film in a long time to really creep me out.
3/19/06
THE FOG
One of the remake variety. This one fails cause you really can't make fog, even cursed fog, into a scary villain. The backstory of why it's cursed is not interesting. Selma Blair is pretty cool here, and Maggie Grace revs my engines, but the film is pretty boring.
THE CAVE
The legacy of Ed Wood lives on with a film like this, a terrible movie that at least has the decency to cross over into the realm of "so bad it's good." A bunch of idiots go into a remote cave, which is populated by creatures that look almost exactly like the ones from Pitch Black. Luckily Cole Hauser FROM Pitch Black is in this one too. I'm not sure I've ever seen a movie in which LESS happens. Everyone just stands around arguing pretty much, and there's some rock climbing Joel (lol). There are some real howler moments here. My future wife Piper Perabo is here, but at least she gets to die off and not have to be around for the whole sorry film.
SUPERCROSS
I've always kinda liked that motorcross racing ever since I was a kid and would watch it on ESPN. But nostalgia cannot carry such a generic sports movie. It co-stars my future wife Sophia Bush, but I got especially revved up by Cameron Richardson, who resembles Gwyneth Paltrow's much sexier sister. The film's climactic race is approached so casually that I did not even KNOW it was the finale until the credits rolled!
THE BROTHERS GRIMM
A really confused effort from Terry Gilliam. I have no idea what film he was trying to make. It began well enough as a kind of silly fantasy, but then the humor is almost completely abandoned, and we get a far too serious adventure, which doesn't work cause the production design screams comedy. And if you want a serious adventure you do not have such silly costumes and obviously fake sets. And the casting is all wrong. Matt Damon and Heath Ledger are woefully miscast, and it's sad seeing 2 big talents flounder. At least Monica Bellucci seems to be enjoying her villainess role.
TSOTSI
This was the Academy Award winner for best foreign language film. I think Roger Ebert compared this to City Of God, and that's what prompted ME to see it. This film is not that amazing, although the setting is similar. It's a good film though. The premise, where a lowlife thug accidentally kidnaps an infant and through this kind of regains his humanity, is far-fetched, but it's done well, and it's quite an accomplishment to make this awful guy into a rather sympathetic figure. Excellent cinematography and music too.
A TIME FOR DANCING
Remember A Walk To Remember? Take that movie, and substitute ballet dancing for church and you've got this one. Hell, Shane West and Peter Coyote are in BOTH! Ah, but most importantly you've got my enchanting future wife Shiri Appleby, and the mega cuteness that is Larisa Oleynik, who apparently went into witness protection after this film (it was made in 2001 and I can't think of anything she's been in since). Her character is pretty stupid actually. Shiri is supposed to be sullen and mean, but Shiri has always been the warmest actress alive. She CAN'T play mean, and had the other characters not TOLD HER she's mean I never woulda guessed that was part of her character.
One of the remake variety. This one fails cause you really can't make fog, even cursed fog, into a scary villain. The backstory of why it's cursed is not interesting. Selma Blair is pretty cool here, and Maggie Grace revs my engines, but the film is pretty boring.
THE CAVE
The legacy of Ed Wood lives on with a film like this, a terrible movie that at least has the decency to cross over into the realm of "so bad it's good." A bunch of idiots go into a remote cave, which is populated by creatures that look almost exactly like the ones from Pitch Black. Luckily Cole Hauser FROM Pitch Black is in this one too. I'm not sure I've ever seen a movie in which LESS happens. Everyone just stands around arguing pretty much, and there's some rock climbing Joel (lol). There are some real howler moments here. My future wife Piper Perabo is here, but at least she gets to die off and not have to be around for the whole sorry film.
SUPERCROSS
I've always kinda liked that motorcross racing ever since I was a kid and would watch it on ESPN. But nostalgia cannot carry such a generic sports movie. It co-stars my future wife Sophia Bush, but I got especially revved up by Cameron Richardson, who resembles Gwyneth Paltrow's much sexier sister. The film's climactic race is approached so casually that I did not even KNOW it was the finale until the credits rolled!
THE BROTHERS GRIMM
A really confused effort from Terry Gilliam. I have no idea what film he was trying to make. It began well enough as a kind of silly fantasy, but then the humor is almost completely abandoned, and we get a far too serious adventure, which doesn't work cause the production design screams comedy. And if you want a serious adventure you do not have such silly costumes and obviously fake sets. And the casting is all wrong. Matt Damon and Heath Ledger are woefully miscast, and it's sad seeing 2 big talents flounder. At least Monica Bellucci seems to be enjoying her villainess role.
TSOTSI
This was the Academy Award winner for best foreign language film. I think Roger Ebert compared this to City Of God, and that's what prompted ME to see it. This film is not that amazing, although the setting is similar. It's a good film though. The premise, where a lowlife thug accidentally kidnaps an infant and through this kind of regains his humanity, is far-fetched, but it's done well, and it's quite an accomplishment to make this awful guy into a rather sympathetic figure. Excellent cinematography and music too.
A TIME FOR DANCING
Remember A Walk To Remember? Take that movie, and substitute ballet dancing for church and you've got this one. Hell, Shane West and Peter Coyote are in BOTH! Ah, but most importantly you've got my enchanting future wife Shiri Appleby, and the mega cuteness that is Larisa Oleynik, who apparently went into witness protection after this film (it was made in 2001 and I can't think of anything she's been in since). Her character is pretty stupid actually. Shiri is supposed to be sullen and mean, but Shiri has always been the warmest actress alive. She CAN'T play mean, and had the other characters not TOLD HER she's mean I never woulda guessed that was part of her character.
3/26/06
Inside Man is easily the most mainstream film of Spike Lee's career, a big budget heist movie with a superstar cast. Spike's admitted he did this film largely to help him get funding for a planned biopic about boxer Joe Louis. So, not only do we get this excellent film, but hopefully it'll lead to another great film pretty soon from one of the most talented filmmakers on the planet.
This is probably my favorite film of 2006 thus far. It has all the necessary twists for a thriller. Denzel Washington gives one of his best performances (he and Spike always work well together). Clive Owen is effectively sinister, albeit rather one-note. And Jodie Foster is razor sharp in her mystery role.
Spike's style sets this apart, with all the handheld camera shots, and the interrogation scenes that are shot all grimy. I loved the idea of having those included during the film, and not after. Spike does include his trademark dolly shot a couple times, although it's kind of annoying here. Terrence Blanchard does another fantastic score. Spike paces the film almost perfectly though.
Once the main caper ends the film kind of stumbles a tad, with a bunch of stuff resolved in too-short order. It was kind of like the end of Revenge Of The Sith that way. But this is still the best thriller in a long time. If Spike ever runs out of important things to say (I can't wait for his Hurricane Katrina doc), it's good to know his skills translate so well to mainstream Hollywood.
This is probably my favorite film of 2006 thus far. It has all the necessary twists for a thriller. Denzel Washington gives one of his best performances (he and Spike always work well together). Clive Owen is effectively sinister, albeit rather one-note. And Jodie Foster is razor sharp in her mystery role.
Spike's style sets this apart, with all the handheld camera shots, and the interrogation scenes that are shot all grimy. I loved the idea of having those included during the film, and not after. Spike does include his trademark dolly shot a couple times, although it's kind of annoying here. Terrence Blanchard does another fantastic score. Spike paces the film almost perfectly though.
Once the main caper ends the film kind of stumbles a tad, with a bunch of stuff resolved in too-short order. It was kind of like the end of Revenge Of The Sith that way. But this is still the best thriller in a long time. If Spike ever runs out of important things to say (I can't wait for his Hurricane Katrina doc), it's good to know his skills translate so well to mainstream Hollywood.
3/27/06
STAY ALIVE
People play a video game, and when they die in the game they die in the same way in real life. Neat premise, and the filmmakers do a good job with it. It was cool how the characters had to figure out how to not die by using the game. The backstory is ok. There were a couple solid scares. I saw the movie cause it stars TWO of my future wives, Sophia Bush and Samaire Armstrong, and both were good, but even Frankie Muniz is pretty good as a gaming nerd.
THUMBSUCKER
A high school kid still sucks his thumb. Then he stops, and becomes a great debater and gets into college and gets to feel Kelli Garner's boobs. I have NO friggin clue what the point of this film was. It's just a bunch of random stuff happening. Good performances though, by Lou Pucci, Vincent D'Onofrio, and the semi-distracting Keanu Reeves and Vince Vaughn.
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
Sadly, this may be the last Katie Holmes film for quite some time. At least Katie gives a sharp performance as a morally questionable reporter. Overall the film was a bit of a disappointment. This satire of the tobacco industry just wasn't as funny as expected. There are many funny parts, but too often the filmmakers seemed really overly satisfied with themselves. Any South Park episode pushes the envelope more than this (and they did an episode about smoking). The cast really elevates the film. Along with Katie, there's Aaron Eckhart in an endlessly appealing performance as a charming bullshitter. William H. Macy is at the top of his game as a senator from Vermont, who will NOT apologize for the state's cheese. I loved The OC's Adam Brody as a brown-nosing assistant to a slick Hollywood agent (Rob Lowe). I can't get enough of Maria Bello. And Cameron Bright is really good as Eckhart's son, a real chip off the old block.
WALKOUT
An HBO movie detailing the true story of some Mexican-American high schoolers who protested their treatment in school during the late 60's. This film was really well done, not nearly as heavy-handed as this kind of story would usually be. Alexa Vega from Spy Kids is fabulous as kind of the student leader. Crash's Michael Pena is also excellent, and hey! It's Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite!
People play a video game, and when they die in the game they die in the same way in real life. Neat premise, and the filmmakers do a good job with it. It was cool how the characters had to figure out how to not die by using the game. The backstory is ok. There were a couple solid scares. I saw the movie cause it stars TWO of my future wives, Sophia Bush and Samaire Armstrong, and both were good, but even Frankie Muniz is pretty good as a gaming nerd.
THUMBSUCKER
A high school kid still sucks his thumb. Then he stops, and becomes a great debater and gets into college and gets to feel Kelli Garner's boobs. I have NO friggin clue what the point of this film was. It's just a bunch of random stuff happening. Good performances though, by Lou Pucci, Vincent D'Onofrio, and the semi-distracting Keanu Reeves and Vince Vaughn.
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
Sadly, this may be the last Katie Holmes film for quite some time. At least Katie gives a sharp performance as a morally questionable reporter. Overall the film was a bit of a disappointment. This satire of the tobacco industry just wasn't as funny as expected. There are many funny parts, but too often the filmmakers seemed really overly satisfied with themselves. Any South Park episode pushes the envelope more than this (and they did an episode about smoking). The cast really elevates the film. Along with Katie, there's Aaron Eckhart in an endlessly appealing performance as a charming bullshitter. William H. Macy is at the top of his game as a senator from Vermont, who will NOT apologize for the state's cheese. I loved The OC's Adam Brody as a brown-nosing assistant to a slick Hollywood agent (Rob Lowe). I can't get enough of Maria Bello. And Cameron Bright is really good as Eckhart's son, a real chip off the old block.
WALKOUT
An HBO movie detailing the true story of some Mexican-American high schoolers who protested their treatment in school during the late 60's. This film was really well done, not nearly as heavy-handed as this kind of story would usually be. Alexa Vega from Spy Kids is fabulous as kind of the student leader. Crash's Michael Pena is also excellent, and hey! It's Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite!
4/3/06
SLITHER
Jeez, what an inept effort this turkey was! I'd come to expect a fun, funny, intentionally cheesy and insane horror flick. But I waited in vain for the laughter. Shockingly, there weren't even any real attempts at humor until well past the halfway mark of the film. It is not scary at all, cause the filmmakers didn't seem to have their hearts into that either. The setup for this alien slug invasion was ENDLESS! The only time the movie gets anything going is once the small town gets besieged by the slugs. There's one solid scene where this hottie escapes the slugs. That's it. Sure the movie is disgusting, but the most revolting thing about the Slither is how NO effort appears to have been made to make the film entertaining.
2/10 Worst movie of 2006 so far
Jeez, what an inept effort this turkey was! I'd come to expect a fun, funny, intentionally cheesy and insane horror flick. But I waited in vain for the laughter. Shockingly, there weren't even any real attempts at humor until well past the halfway mark of the film. It is not scary at all, cause the filmmakers didn't seem to have their hearts into that either. The setup for this alien slug invasion was ENDLESS! The only time the movie gets anything going is once the small town gets besieged by the slugs. There's one solid scene where this hottie escapes the slugs. That's it. Sure the movie is disgusting, but the most revolting thing about the Slither is how NO effort appears to have been made to make the film entertaining.
2/10 Worst movie of 2006 so far
4/7/06
LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN
This is the best film of 2006 so far, and it is one of the very best of the Pulp Fiction clones that have been around for the last decade.
Stunningly, among a cast that includes Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman and Ben Kingsley, the actor who shines the most is Josh Hartnett! Hartnett is this unlucky guy who gets mistaken for someone who owes big money to some bookies. This leads him into this too complicated to explain deal with a pair of crime bosses (Freeman and Kingsley), a hitman (Willis), a cop (Stanley Tucci), and a lovely coroner (Lucy Liu).
The film is hard to follow most of the way, but the key here is how it all comes together. Inside Man lost points cause the resolution was not as good as what came before it. Here the payoff is fantastic.
The film has tons of that great pulpy dialogue. It isn't at Tarantino level (what is?), but it leads to great moments from everyone on screen. Paul McGuigan does a great job of directing the whole thing, and holding the tone steady.
I can't believe how excellent Josh Hartnett is here. I was a fan of his early on, but then he had lousy performances in lousy movies (Hollywood Homicide, anyone?) and it looked like he was finished. But he's just SO good here, and the role is damn tricky. It may be my favorite performance of the year so far, and that includes Natalie in V For Vendetta!
Obviously Freeman is fantastic. Kingsley is great. Tucci is great. Lucy Liu is SO delightful here. I've never liked her more. Willis has the most enigmatic role, but he's smooth.
This film is a cult classic instantly. I don't know that it'll make a lot of money, but it will be one of those films that will have hardcore fans.
9/10
THE ACCUSED
One of those "I've never seen this before" films. It wasn't very good. I know Jodie Foster won her 1st Oscar for this, but I didn't like her performance at all. Way too mannered. Way too phony. The film is heavy handed (rape is bad? no, really?), and the courtroom scenes bored me.
JUST LIKE HEAVEN
Ok, Reese Witherspoon is so friggin cute here that my head almost popped off. And even bland king Mark Ruffalo is likable. But it's like the film was made out of cotton candy. It's sweet, but totally disposable.
BRICK
The film's gimmick of having a film noir story and character types and even dialogue...but in a high school, is one of the more novel ideas in a while, and the film works really well. It plays it mostly straight, although the few comic asides are pretty funny (like the line about kicking one's homeroom door in). The dialogue is great, the film looks really good too. I even liked the sparse score. Joseph Gordon-Levitt just continues to impress. His coughing fits were one of my few quibbles. I want him to play me in my biopic! My future wife Meagan Good has her juiciest role so far as one of the femme fatales. I liked the other actress, who looks like Rachel Bilson. And Nat's buddy Lukas Haas is surprisingly effective as the main bad guy.
ENRON: THE SMARTEST GUYS IN THE ROOM
This won the best documentary Oscar, and it filled me in on the whole scandal really well. Not much else to say on that.
Stunningly, among a cast that includes Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman and Ben Kingsley, the actor who shines the most is Josh Hartnett! Hartnett is this unlucky guy who gets mistaken for someone who owes big money to some bookies. This leads him into this too complicated to explain deal with a pair of crime bosses (Freeman and Kingsley), a hitman (Willis), a cop (Stanley Tucci), and a lovely coroner (Lucy Liu).
The film is hard to follow most of the way, but the key here is how it all comes together. Inside Man lost points cause the resolution was not as good as what came before it. Here the payoff is fantastic.
The film has tons of that great pulpy dialogue. It isn't at Tarantino level (what is?), but it leads to great moments from everyone on screen. Paul McGuigan does a great job of directing the whole thing, and holding the tone steady.
I can't believe how excellent Josh Hartnett is here. I was a fan of his early on, but then he had lousy performances in lousy movies (Hollywood Homicide, anyone?) and it looked like he was finished. But he's just SO good here, and the role is damn tricky. It may be my favorite performance of the year so far, and that includes Natalie in V For Vendetta!
Obviously Freeman is fantastic. Kingsley is great. Tucci is great. Lucy Liu is SO delightful here. I've never liked her more. Willis has the most enigmatic role, but he's smooth.
This film is a cult classic instantly. I don't know that it'll make a lot of money, but it will be one of those films that will have hardcore fans.
9/10
THE ACCUSED
One of those "I've never seen this before" films. It wasn't very good. I know Jodie Foster won her 1st Oscar for this, but I didn't like her performance at all. Way too mannered. Way too phony. The film is heavy handed (rape is bad? no, really?), and the courtroom scenes bored me.
JUST LIKE HEAVEN
Ok, Reese Witherspoon is so friggin cute here that my head almost popped off. And even bland king Mark Ruffalo is likable. But it's like the film was made out of cotton candy. It's sweet, but totally disposable.
BRICK
The film's gimmick of having a film noir story and character types and even dialogue...but in a high school, is one of the more novel ideas in a while, and the film works really well. It plays it mostly straight, although the few comic asides are pretty funny (like the line about kicking one's homeroom door in). The dialogue is great, the film looks really good too. I even liked the sparse score. Joseph Gordon-Levitt just continues to impress. His coughing fits were one of my few quibbles. I want him to play me in my biopic! My future wife Meagan Good has her juiciest role so far as one of the femme fatales. I liked the other actress, who looks like Rachel Bilson. And Nat's buddy Lukas Haas is surprisingly effective as the main bad guy.
ENRON: THE SMARTEST GUYS IN THE ROOM
This won the best documentary Oscar, and it filled me in on the whole scandal really well. Not much else to say on that.
4/11/06
THE BENCHWARMERS
Please, someone stop me from seeing Rob Schneider movies. What the hell is wrong with me? This thing had him AND David Spade AND that hideous creature Jon Heder. How could it be good?
The thing is made for 12 year old boys, as it is wall-to-wall toilet humor. The laughs only come from the fringes, with Spade's agoraphobic roommate and the still enjoyable Jon Lovitz as highlights. But unless you wish to experience the acting of Sean Salisbury (it's PAINFUL), stay away from this turkey.
Please, someone stop me from seeing Rob Schneider movies. What the hell is wrong with me? This thing had him AND David Spade AND that hideous creature Jon Heder. How could it be good?
The thing is made for 12 year old boys, as it is wall-to-wall toilet humor. The laughs only come from the fringes, with Spade's agoraphobic roommate and the still enjoyable Jon Lovitz as highlights. But unless you wish to experience the acting of Sean Salisbury (it's PAINFUL), stay away from this turkey.
4/16/06
The spoof LIVES!
Scary Movie 4 is not one of the classics of the genre, but I think it's the best of the series since the first one.
It may go unnoticed, but SM4 actually does a pretty ingenious job of weaving its main spoof targets into a decent enough storyline. That is a big step up from the previous couple installments.
SM4 goes after primarily 4 films: Saw, The Grudge, The Village and War Of The Worlds. All are films ripe for parody, and unlike Date Movie, this movie here actually parodies the right things. You really need to have seen these films to appreciate it fully.
The movie opens with the inspired Saw spoof featuring Dr. Phil and Shaq! Aside from that being just so funny on the surface then they go and have their survival hinge on whether or not Shaq can sink a free throw!![]()
The movie then lulls for a while, mostly ripping on The Grudge. Hard not to giggle at the Charlie Sheen cameo.
But the movie really gets going once they start ripping into War Of The Worlds, one of the most deserving targets for mockery of the decade. Craig Bierko is extremely funny in the Tom Cruise role, and they have a little Dakota Fanning clone who gets the crap beat out of her repeatedly! I loved that! Michael Madsen appears briefly in the Tim Robbins role. "We'll build our own tripods. They'll have FOUR legs." LOL
The Village was kind of a joke in itself, so this part lags a bit. For some reason the filmmakers decide to torture us with Chris Elliott playing with his snot and that ugly ho-bag Carmen Electra taking a loud dump. But I liked Bill Pullman in the William Hurt role.
SM4 also has jabs at Brokeback Mountain and Million Dollar Baby. Sadly no Star Wars jokes, although one SW alum does appear. I won't spoil that one![]()
And they have the Tom Cruise on Oprah scene that is just gleefully over the top. And I haven't even mentioned that Leslie Nielsen is back as the president, who when the aliens are attacking insists on remaining in a classroom to find out the fate of a duck. Where DO they come up with such an idea!
Scary Movie 4 is pretty funny stuff. It has plenty of clunkers, as these films always do, but I appreciate this genre as much as anyone, so when there's a good one I know it.
7/10
some flicks I recently saw:
MISSISSIPPI BURNING: Great performance by Gene Hackman. Willem Dafoe looks SO young, and wow was Frances McDormand gorgeous in her younger days. The story is about 3 civil rights workers being killed in the 60's. It's well done, but very heavy handed and preachy.
DEAD END: An irritating so-called horror movie about a family that gets terrorized by something on an empty road at night. It stars 24's VP Ray Wise and the absurdly cute Alexandra Holden, who is the cutest thing ever to come out of Minnesota. Awful movie though, with a tone that is just bizarre.
OPEN WATER: It's still better than this. 2 divers get lost at sea...and float...and float...and float. This is obviously inspired by Blair Witch, but that overhyped film is a 5-star masterpiece compared to this. I don't know that I've ever seen a film so endlessly boring. The 2 actors are fine, but it doesn't matter.
DOOM: I almost admire Doom for its complete disinterest in anything resembling story or character. But even as a mindless shoot-em-up this is a total dud, bringing no inspiration to the genre. The action is all so dark you can't see anything, and when you CAN see, all you see how dismal the CGI is. The Rock's once very promising career pretty much gets incinerated.
Scary Movie 4 is not one of the classics of the genre, but I think it's the best of the series since the first one.
It may go unnoticed, but SM4 actually does a pretty ingenious job of weaving its main spoof targets into a decent enough storyline. That is a big step up from the previous couple installments.
SM4 goes after primarily 4 films: Saw, The Grudge, The Village and War Of The Worlds. All are films ripe for parody, and unlike Date Movie, this movie here actually parodies the right things. You really need to have seen these films to appreciate it fully.
The movie opens with the inspired Saw spoof featuring Dr. Phil and Shaq! Aside from that being just so funny on the surface then they go and have their survival hinge on whether or not Shaq can sink a free throw!
The movie then lulls for a while, mostly ripping on The Grudge. Hard not to giggle at the Charlie Sheen cameo.But the movie really gets going once they start ripping into War Of The Worlds, one of the most deserving targets for mockery of the decade. Craig Bierko is extremely funny in the Tom Cruise role, and they have a little Dakota Fanning clone who gets the crap beat out of her repeatedly! I loved that! Michael Madsen appears briefly in the Tim Robbins role. "We'll build our own tripods. They'll have FOUR legs." LOL
The Village was kind of a joke in itself, so this part lags a bit. For some reason the filmmakers decide to torture us with Chris Elliott playing with his snot and that ugly ho-bag Carmen Electra taking a loud dump. But I liked Bill Pullman in the William Hurt role.
SM4 also has jabs at Brokeback Mountain and Million Dollar Baby. Sadly no Star Wars jokes, although one SW alum does appear. I won't spoil that one
And they have the Tom Cruise on Oprah scene that is just gleefully over the top. And I haven't even mentioned that Leslie Nielsen is back as the president, who when the aliens are attacking insists on remaining in a classroom to find out the fate of a duck. Where DO they come up with such an idea!Scary Movie 4 is pretty funny stuff. It has plenty of clunkers, as these films always do, but I appreciate this genre as much as anyone, so when there's a good one I know it.
7/10
some flicks I recently saw:
MISSISSIPPI BURNING: Great performance by Gene Hackman. Willem Dafoe looks SO young, and wow was Frances McDormand gorgeous in her younger days. The story is about 3 civil rights workers being killed in the 60's. It's well done, but very heavy handed and preachy.
DEAD END: An irritating so-called horror movie about a family that gets terrorized by something on an empty road at night. It stars 24's VP Ray Wise and the absurdly cute Alexandra Holden, who is the cutest thing ever to come out of Minnesota. Awful movie though, with a tone that is just bizarre.
OPEN WATER: It's still better than this. 2 divers get lost at sea...and float...and float...and float. This is obviously inspired by Blair Witch, but that overhyped film is a 5-star masterpiece compared to this. I don't know that I've ever seen a film so endlessly boring. The 2 actors are fine, but it doesn't matter.
DOOM: I almost admire Doom for its complete disinterest in anything resembling story or character. But even as a mindless shoot-em-up this is a total dud, bringing no inspiration to the genre. The action is all so dark you can't see anything, and when you CAN see, all you see how dismal the CGI is. The Rock's once very promising career pretty much gets incinerated.
4/22/06
AMERICAN DREAMZ
While I thoroughly enjoy most comedy that makes fun of George Bush, I think it's maybe reaching the point of burnout. A big aspect of this film is that Dennis Quaid is more or less doing a riff on Bushy. But his performance hits obvious notes that have already been done funnier by the likes of Will Ferrell. It's just too familiar, although I did like Willem Dafoe as Cheney. The titular show is a riff on American Idol, but that too has been mocked in more amusing ways. Hugh Grant's Simon impersonation is ok, but it lacks bite. I did like the storyline about the Arab terrorist who becomes a contestant on the show. Yes, much of this is offensive as hell, but I found it funny, especially the androgynous cousin. Mandy Moore is terrific! She again proves very skilled at playing off her goody girl image. She needs to do a role where she doesn't sing though. And as much as I hate to admit it, Chris Klein is another highlight of the film. He goes back to that affable doofus persona that was so appealing in Election and American Pie.
The film fails though cause as a satire it just isn't that smart or funny.
THE SENTINEL
Ok, so Michael Douglas is about 90 years old, yet he's able to easily overpower expertly trained secret service agants bigger than him, and half his age. I'm willing to let things like that go usually, but come ON!
The Sentinel is one of those slick studio thrillers that have big stars and typically wind up being totally underwhelming.
What I thought would be this film's best asset winds up being its undoing: Kiefer Sutherland. It isn't just that here as opposed to 24 he's just a boring stick in the mud. It's that all his presence does is remind me that 24 serves up more excitement and better twists every week than this film has to offer. When this film reveals all its big secrets, all I did was yawn. And even the "bad" guy isn't a bad guy, although that never even gets resolved.
There are a few decent shootouts. I could gaze at Eva Longoria all day long. Douglas is actually good. But the film is forgettable.
5/10 for both films
While I thoroughly enjoy most comedy that makes fun of George Bush, I think it's maybe reaching the point of burnout. A big aspect of this film is that Dennis Quaid is more or less doing a riff on Bushy. But his performance hits obvious notes that have already been done funnier by the likes of Will Ferrell. It's just too familiar, although I did like Willem Dafoe as Cheney. The titular show is a riff on American Idol, but that too has been mocked in more amusing ways. Hugh Grant's Simon impersonation is ok, but it lacks bite. I did like the storyline about the Arab terrorist who becomes a contestant on the show. Yes, much of this is offensive as hell, but I found it funny, especially the androgynous cousin. Mandy Moore is terrific! She again proves very skilled at playing off her goody girl image. She needs to do a role where she doesn't sing though. And as much as I hate to admit it, Chris Klein is another highlight of the film. He goes back to that affable doofus persona that was so appealing in Election and American Pie.
The film fails though cause as a satire it just isn't that smart or funny.
THE SENTINEL
Ok, so Michael Douglas is about 90 years old, yet he's able to easily overpower expertly trained secret service agants bigger than him, and half his age. I'm willing to let things like that go usually, but come ON!
The Sentinel is one of those slick studio thrillers that have big stars and typically wind up being totally underwhelming.
What I thought would be this film's best asset winds up being its undoing: Kiefer Sutherland. It isn't just that here as opposed to 24 he's just a boring stick in the mud. It's that all his presence does is remind me that 24 serves up more excitement and better twists every week than this film has to offer. When this film reveals all its big secrets, all I did was yawn. And even the "bad" guy isn't a bad guy, although that never even gets resolved.
There are a few decent shootouts. I could gaze at Eva Longoria all day long. Douglas is actually good. But the film is forgettable.
5/10 for both films
4/26/06
MTV movie awards picks:
Best Movie: Sin City's one of the great films I've ever seen!
Best performance: Jake and not Heath, huh? oh well, I'll show some love to my future wife Rachel![]()
Best comedic performance: I hope to see 40 Year Old Virgin soon, but for now I'll go with Vaughn.
Best on screen team: I saw Jessica Alba in there. Don't care about anything else!!!
Best villain: Hayden. It's not his fault his switch to Vadar took place in ONE SCENE!
Breakthrough performance: Taraji broke through 5 years ago in Baby Boy! Nelly? Yeah right. I'll go with Isla Fisher cuz she's cute and funny.
Best hero: Jess! Mmmmm....Jess!!!
Sexiest performance: JESS! (Alba, not the wt skank!)
Best fight: Any attempts to say Anakin vs Obi-Wan was NOT the best one are futile!
Best kiss: I'll go with Rosario and Clive.
Best frightened performance: Carpenter was pretty good, but did she do a strip tease and then get a pole driven through her skull? Nah. PARIS WINS!
review:
FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX
A plane cashes in the desert, and the survivors try to build a new plane to make it out of there. VERY dull, and no real story, so it gets padded with dumb stuff involving sand pirates, and endless bickering. There's also a twist with one character that is one of the most retarded things I've ever seen in a movie.
Best Movie: Sin City's one of the great films I've ever seen!
Best performance: Jake and not Heath, huh? oh well, I'll show some love to my future wife Rachel
Best comedic performance: I hope to see 40 Year Old Virgin soon, but for now I'll go with Vaughn.Best on screen team: I saw Jessica Alba in there. Don't care about anything else!!!
Best villain: Hayden. It's not his fault his switch to Vadar took place in ONE SCENE!
Breakthrough performance: Taraji broke through 5 years ago in Baby Boy! Nelly? Yeah right. I'll go with Isla Fisher cuz she's cute and funny.
Best hero: Jess! Mmmmm....Jess!!!
Sexiest performance: JESS! (Alba, not the wt skank!)
Best fight: Any attempts to say Anakin vs Obi-Wan was NOT the best one are futile!
Best kiss: I'll go with Rosario and Clive.
Best frightened performance: Carpenter was pretty good, but did she do a strip tease and then get a pole driven through her skull? Nah. PARIS WINS!
review:
FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX
A plane cashes in the desert, and the survivors try to build a new plane to make it out of there. VERY dull, and no real story, so it gets padded with dumb stuff involving sand pirates, and endless bickering. There's also a twist with one character that is one of the most retarded things I've ever seen in a movie.
4/29/06
UNITED 93
A MASTERPIECE! This is one of the most perfectly realized films I have ever seen. It succeeds in every single aspect.
Paul Greengrass' film tells the story of United 93, the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania on 9/11 after the passengers attempted to retake the plane from terrorists. But it also focuses on the military command and the air traffic controllers who dealt with the entire situation. The film wisely does not build anything up too much. It just tells the story, and even the obviously made up stuff on the plane is realistic.
The unknown cast is flawless. The pacing and editing of the film is flawless. There's very little music, which is a smart move. The handheld camera makes things all the more visceral and real.
The last 15 or 20 minutes are the film are just beyond words. It's no surprise at all that people were audibly crying in the theater once the screen went black. This is one of the most affecting experiences I have ever had at a film.
10/10
THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN (how's this for a segueway?)
Definitely lived up to its promise. This isn't quite the genius of Anchorman, but I laughed a ton at this. Steve Carell is funny, but the other guys were the greatest part. Paul Rudd is even funnier here than in Anchorman. And for once I actually liked Catherine Keener. And it IS indeed an actual film, with some heart and some surprising points of view.
8/10
DIRTY DEEDS
A limp, uninspired high school comedy. Even by the standards of these films, it's embarrassing how the entire cast looks way too old to be in high school. Some of em look like they're mid-30's!! There's eye candy courtesy of Lacey Chabert, Zoe Saldana and Mandy's twin Arielle Kebbell, and I laughed maybe twice.
2/10
A MASTERPIECE! This is one of the most perfectly realized films I have ever seen. It succeeds in every single aspect.
Paul Greengrass' film tells the story of United 93, the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania on 9/11 after the passengers attempted to retake the plane from terrorists. But it also focuses on the military command and the air traffic controllers who dealt with the entire situation. The film wisely does not build anything up too much. It just tells the story, and even the obviously made up stuff on the plane is realistic.
The unknown cast is flawless. The pacing and editing of the film is flawless. There's very little music, which is a smart move. The handheld camera makes things all the more visceral and real.
The last 15 or 20 minutes are the film are just beyond words. It's no surprise at all that people were audibly crying in the theater once the screen went black. This is one of the most affecting experiences I have ever had at a film.
10/10
THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN (how's this for a segueway?)
Definitely lived up to its promise. This isn't quite the genius of Anchorman, but I laughed a ton at this. Steve Carell is funny, but the other guys were the greatest part. Paul Rudd is even funnier here than in Anchorman. And for once I actually liked Catherine Keener. And it IS indeed an actual film, with some heart and some surprising points of view.
8/10
DIRTY DEEDS
A limp, uninspired high school comedy. Even by the standards of these films, it's embarrassing how the entire cast looks way too old to be in high school. Some of em look like they're mid-30's!! There's eye candy courtesy of Lacey Chabert, Zoe Saldana and Mandy's twin Arielle Kebbell, and I laughed maybe twice.
2/10
5/2/06
SUMMER PREVIEW (ranked 1-10 on must see list)
MAY
>>Mission Impossible 3: 9
The first 2 were each solid, but flawed. This has the best cast of the bunch, and I seem to be about the only human left not hating on Tom.
>>Just My Luck: 7
Lindsay's cute. Come on, I gotta see it.
>>Poseidon: 9
Wolfgang Petersen does big budget films about as reliably as anyone. I don't care about the remake factor. The cast is really excellent. Great trailer.
>>The DaVinci Code: 6
I'm not counting the days, but I'll see it. Ron Howard's coming off a career high. Tom's hair is kooky. I suspect secrets lie within.
>>Over The Hedge: 3
This has the Shrek/Madagascar slot. I frankly think the well is running dry with these animated flicks about mismatched animals.
>>X-Men: The Last Stand: 10
The trailers have removed all doubts for me. Some people act like Brett Ratner is the antichrist. At worst he's a servicable director who is good enough not to screw this up. This and Spiderman are neck and neck for the best Marvel franchises.
JUNE
>>The Break-Up: 5
I'm pro-Aniston. I want her to succeed and I want Pitt to get herpes. Vaughn's usually pretty on. I'll likely see it just cause it's the only film opening that weekend.
>>The Omen: 3
Ehh, not thrilled. Nice to have Julia Stiles in a more adult role, but looks like a mediocre remake.
>>Cars: 10
Eventually the Pixar streak has to end, but until it does I sure as hell ain't gonna predict it.
>>A Prairie Home Companion: 7
This was filmed in St. Paul so there's interest there. Fabulous cast (Lindsay Lohan, Tommy Lee Jones, Meryl Streep, etc.).
>>The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift: 4
Even John Singleton couldn't make the last one better than mediocre.
>>Garfield: A Tale Of Two Kitties: 0
Pray for the children.
>>The Lake House: 6
All signs point to this being this summer's The Notebook. Keanu's good in these roles, and maybe Crash has started a Sandra Bullock revival.
>>Nacho Libre: 1
Um, Jack Black sucks.
>>Click: 8
This Adam Sandler flick seems to be pretty can't miss. Plus you got Kate Beckinsale and Christopher Walken.
>>Waist Deep: 7
This got moved INTO summer, which is intriguing. Oh, and my future wife Meagan Good is in it!!!
>>The Devil Wears Prada: 5
Anne Hathaway is back in a big way. Oh, I'll see Superman first though![]()
>>Superman Returns: 10
I can't find one thing they've done wrong with this project so far.
JULY
>>Little Man: 1
Kill me now.
>>Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: 5
I wasn't blown away by the first one, and Depp's shtick is sure to be less fun this time. But Keira should have a beefed up part.
>>A Scanner Darkly: 7
This animation style was great in Waking Life, and this is unlikely to have such pretentious ramblings.
>>Pathfinder: 0
Ugh! Oh yes, bring us more Karl Urban movies!
>>Pulse: 8
A sleeper pushed into summer. Kristen Bell owns me, and Christina Milian is my future wife.
>>You, Me and Dupree: 6
Kate Hudson's ok with me again, and Owen Wilson looks to be on his A-game.
>>Lady In The Water: 9
Hey, The Village sucked, but Shyamalan's too damn talented to have 2 turkeys in a row.
>>My Super Ex-Girlfriend: 4
Uma's pretty good when she's allowed to be funny, and I always like Luke Wilson. But HOW long since Ivan Reitman's last decent flick?
>>Miami Vice: 6
Michael Mann is the only reason this thing might be good. Foxx and Farrell might just be coasting.
AUGUST
>>Talladega Nights: 10
When Will Ferrell is in the zone, no one is better. Looks like he's in the zone again.
>>World Trade Center: 9
How could anyone not be intrigued by an Oliver Stone 9/11 film?
>>The Reaping: 6
May determine whether Hilary Swank can sustain her Oscar momentum, or if she'll head back to the B-list.
>>Zoom: 0
Someone give Tim Allen another sitcom so he'll stop making movies!!!
>>Clerks 2: 10
Clerks is one of my favorite and most treasured films, so I will be VERY pissed if this is bad. The trailer did not wow me, but I like that it's very low budget. Plus, Kevin Smith has yet to make a movie I did not like.
>>The Night Listener: 5
When Robin Williams gets serious, it's usually good.
>>Snakes On A Plane: 9
Count me among those who can't wait. Sam Jackson's apparently always gonna squander his artistic cred, so why not go all out?![]()
>>Idlewild: 8
An Outkast musical? Hell yeah. just release the damn thing already!
So there you go. Oh, if you were hoping I'd explain what the films all were, then you shouldn't have. I don't do plots. Just follow my numbers!
So enjoy your summer at the movies everyone.
>>Mission Impossible 3: 9
The first 2 were each solid, but flawed. This has the best cast of the bunch, and I seem to be about the only human left not hating on Tom.
>>Just My Luck: 7
Lindsay's cute. Come on, I gotta see it.
>>Poseidon: 9
Wolfgang Petersen does big budget films about as reliably as anyone. I don't care about the remake factor. The cast is really excellent. Great trailer.
>>The DaVinci Code: 6
I'm not counting the days, but I'll see it. Ron Howard's coming off a career high. Tom's hair is kooky. I suspect secrets lie within.
>>Over The Hedge: 3
This has the Shrek/Madagascar slot. I frankly think the well is running dry with these animated flicks about mismatched animals.
>>X-Men: The Last Stand: 10
The trailers have removed all doubts for me. Some people act like Brett Ratner is the antichrist. At worst he's a servicable director who is good enough not to screw this up. This and Spiderman are neck and neck for the best Marvel franchises.
JUNE
>>The Break-Up: 5
I'm pro-Aniston. I want her to succeed and I want Pitt to get herpes. Vaughn's usually pretty on. I'll likely see it just cause it's the only film opening that weekend.
>>The Omen: 3
Ehh, not thrilled. Nice to have Julia Stiles in a more adult role, but looks like a mediocre remake.
>>Cars: 10
Eventually the Pixar streak has to end, but until it does I sure as hell ain't gonna predict it.
>>A Prairie Home Companion: 7
This was filmed in St. Paul so there's interest there. Fabulous cast (Lindsay Lohan, Tommy Lee Jones, Meryl Streep, etc.).
>>The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift: 4
Even John Singleton couldn't make the last one better than mediocre.
>>Garfield: A Tale Of Two Kitties: 0
Pray for the children.
>>The Lake House: 6
All signs point to this being this summer's The Notebook. Keanu's good in these roles, and maybe Crash has started a Sandra Bullock revival.
>>Nacho Libre: 1
Um, Jack Black sucks.
>>Click: 8
This Adam Sandler flick seems to be pretty can't miss. Plus you got Kate Beckinsale and Christopher Walken.
>>Waist Deep: 7
This got moved INTO summer, which is intriguing. Oh, and my future wife Meagan Good is in it!!!
>>The Devil Wears Prada: 5
Anne Hathaway is back in a big way. Oh, I'll see Superman first though
>>Superman Returns: 10I can't find one thing they've done wrong with this project so far.
JULY
>>Little Man: 1
Kill me now.
>>Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: 5
I wasn't blown away by the first one, and Depp's shtick is sure to be less fun this time. But Keira should have a beefed up part.
>>A Scanner Darkly: 7
This animation style was great in Waking Life, and this is unlikely to have such pretentious ramblings.
>>Pathfinder: 0
Ugh! Oh yes, bring us more Karl Urban movies!
>>Pulse: 8
A sleeper pushed into summer. Kristen Bell owns me, and Christina Milian is my future wife.
>>You, Me and Dupree: 6
Kate Hudson's ok with me again, and Owen Wilson looks to be on his A-game.
>>Lady In The Water: 9
Hey, The Village sucked, but Shyamalan's too damn talented to have 2 turkeys in a row.
>>My Super Ex-Girlfriend: 4
Uma's pretty good when she's allowed to be funny, and I always like Luke Wilson. But HOW long since Ivan Reitman's last decent flick?
>>Miami Vice: 6
Michael Mann is the only reason this thing might be good. Foxx and Farrell might just be coasting.
AUGUST
>>Talladega Nights: 10
When Will Ferrell is in the zone, no one is better. Looks like he's in the zone again.
>>World Trade Center: 9
How could anyone not be intrigued by an Oliver Stone 9/11 film?
>>The Reaping: 6
May determine whether Hilary Swank can sustain her Oscar momentum, or if she'll head back to the B-list.
>>Zoom: 0
Someone give Tim Allen another sitcom so he'll stop making movies!!!
>>Clerks 2: 10
Clerks is one of my favorite and most treasured films, so I will be VERY pissed if this is bad. The trailer did not wow me, but I like that it's very low budget. Plus, Kevin Smith has yet to make a movie I did not like.
>>The Night Listener: 5
When Robin Williams gets serious, it's usually good.
>>Snakes On A Plane: 9
Count me among those who can't wait. Sam Jackson's apparently always gonna squander his artistic cred, so why not go all out?
>>Idlewild: 8An Outkast musical? Hell yeah. just release the damn thing already!
So there you go. Oh, if you were hoping I'd explain what the films all were, then you shouldn't have. I don't do plots. Just follow my numbers!
So enjoy your summer at the movies everyone.
5/4/06
HARD CANDY
This may be one of the best films that I NEVER want to see again! A 14 year old girl and an adult male meet on the internet, then meet in real life. They go back to his place, she drugs him and ties him up, and seeks payback on the pedophile. The payback includes hands down one of the 2 or 3 most stomach-churning scenes I have ever witnessed. The girl performs a makeshift castration! There were men gasping in the theater! I almost passed out, both from the idea of it, and the intensity with which it was presented.
This is indeed an intense film experience. It's not really entertaining, but the film is well shot, and the performances by Patrick Wilson and Ellen Page (in a debut that compares favorably to Natalie) are stellar.
KIDS IN AMERICA
A better than average high school movie. Kids rebel against an oppressive principal. This is actually a lot like that HBO film Walkout, but filtered through the teen movie machine. Nicole Richie has a small role as a cheerleader, and doesn't look like a stick figure. Lots of cliches, but there's some smarts too.
This may be one of the best films that I NEVER want to see again! A 14 year old girl and an adult male meet on the internet, then meet in real life. They go back to his place, she drugs him and ties him up, and seeks payback on the pedophile. The payback includes hands down one of the 2 or 3 most stomach-churning scenes I have ever witnessed. The girl performs a makeshift castration! There were men gasping in the theater! I almost passed out, both from the idea of it, and the intensity with which it was presented.
This is indeed an intense film experience. It's not really entertaining, but the film is well shot, and the performances by Patrick Wilson and Ellen Page (in a debut that compares favorably to Natalie) are stellar.
KIDS IN AMERICA
A better than average high school movie. Kids rebel against an oppressive principal. This is actually a lot like that HBO film Walkout, but filtered through the teen movie machine. Nicole Richie has a small role as a cheerleader, and doesn't look like a stick figure. Lots of cliches, but there's some smarts too.
5/5/06
Mission Impossible 3
The summer movie season is off to a very solid start with this, arguably the best Mission film so far (although all 3 are so different they're hard to compare).
JJ Abrams directed this, and after this and Joss Whedon's Serenity, it is clear that these TV juggernauts really do have the chops to do the big screen blockbusers. Each Mission has been stylistically unique, and this is basically just a movie version of Abrams' Alias. So yes, this means that no one will have any clue what is going on, but it looks really slick.
I know it's practically a constitutional requirement to hate on Tom Cruise these days (yet every day I hear that rapist Kobe Bryant lauded over), but he's very good. He was kind of a pain in the last film, but he's back in solid form.
There's almost TOO MANY good actors in the cast. I was quite stunned how small Philip Seymour Hoffman's part is. He's only in maybe 5 scenes. He relishes his villainy though, yet I seriously doubt he could take Tom in a fight.
Ving Rhames is less wasted than last time, and Laurence Fishburne kicks ass as an IMF boss. Abrams imprint is apparent again with the role given to Shaun Of The Dead's Simon Pegg. He's basically playing that tech geek from Alias. And there's Keri Russell (from Abrams' Felicity) as another agent. And Michelle Monaghan is Cruise's honey this time, although she kind of just smiles a lot.
The film delivers some cool action. There's a big shootout and ambush on a bridge that's as good as anything I've seen in a while, and there's also a wicked helicopter chase.
The plot's hampered by some cliched twists. All 3 Mission films have now centered on IMF agents who are secretly bad guys. Maybe those guys should do a better job of screening new hires, eh?
And we get some more of that "oh, they're really wearing a mask" twists, which drove me nuts in MI2.
I'm sure there will be many films better than this in the summer months, but MI3 gives you what you want.
7/10
CHICKEN LITTLE
Completely forgettable. A promising start, but then we get this alien invasion story that is just dull. WAY too many awful songs, and lame pop hits (the aliens attack and here comes "its the end of the world as we know it"-gosh, how clever). The animation and characters are not at all distinctve or memorable. It's cute, and there are a few funny moments, but unless you're 5 years old don't bother watching it.
3/10
The summer movie season is off to a very solid start with this, arguably the best Mission film so far (although all 3 are so different they're hard to compare).
JJ Abrams directed this, and after this and Joss Whedon's Serenity, it is clear that these TV juggernauts really do have the chops to do the big screen blockbusers. Each Mission has been stylistically unique, and this is basically just a movie version of Abrams' Alias. So yes, this means that no one will have any clue what is going on, but it looks really slick.
I know it's practically a constitutional requirement to hate on Tom Cruise these days (yet every day I hear that rapist Kobe Bryant lauded over), but he's very good. He was kind of a pain in the last film, but he's back in solid form.
There's almost TOO MANY good actors in the cast. I was quite stunned how small Philip Seymour Hoffman's part is. He's only in maybe 5 scenes. He relishes his villainy though, yet I seriously doubt he could take Tom in a fight.
Ving Rhames is less wasted than last time, and Laurence Fishburne kicks ass as an IMF boss. Abrams imprint is apparent again with the role given to Shaun Of The Dead's Simon Pegg. He's basically playing that tech geek from Alias. And there's Keri Russell (from Abrams' Felicity) as another agent. And Michelle Monaghan is Cruise's honey this time, although she kind of just smiles a lot.
The film delivers some cool action. There's a big shootout and ambush on a bridge that's as good as anything I've seen in a while, and there's also a wicked helicopter chase.
The plot's hampered by some cliched twists. All 3 Mission films have now centered on IMF agents who are secretly bad guys. Maybe those guys should do a better job of screening new hires, eh?
And we get some more of that "oh, they're really wearing a mask" twists, which drove me nuts in MI2.
I'm sure there will be many films better than this in the summer months, but MI3 gives you what you want.
7/10
CHICKEN LITTLE
Completely forgettable. A promising start, but then we get this alien invasion story that is just dull. WAY too many awful songs, and lame pop hits (the aliens attack and here comes "its the end of the world as we know it"-gosh, how clever). The animation and characters are not at all distinctve or memorable. It's cute, and there are a few funny moments, but unless you're 5 years old don't bother watching it.
3/10
5/13/06
POSEIDON
This mostly delivers the requisite drama and thrills, but it is not a great disaster flick. The friggin wave hits the ship barely 10 or 15 minutes into the film! That's not nearly enough time to develop any characters to the point where we have anything invested in their fates. Yeah, the stuff usually winds up cheesy, but be it Indepedence Day or The Day After Tomorrow or Deep Impact, you simply HAVE to allow a decent chunk of time to the characters. But aside from that major blunder, this is a solid film. The fx are strong. There's a fantastic sequence with the survivors packed into an air vent. A lot of this works on me cause I'm a bit claustrophobic and have a fear of water.
The cast doesn't have much to work with, but they're mostly good. Emmy Rossum is cute, though her voice still bugs me. Josh Lucas and Kurt Russell do the hero thing pretty well. Mia Maestro is beyond gorgeous! And Richard Dreyfuss is wonderful. And Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas dies!
JUST MY LUCK
Lindsay Lohan follows up Herbie with another movie that does her already wavering career no favors. This is one of the more superficial films in some time (no surprise since Missi Pyle is in it). Most of the time Lindsay's character is so shallow and self-absorbed that I hated her. Only later on when she's unlucky and kind of humbled is she likable at all. I did like Chris Pine as her counterpart/obligatory love interest. Basically the movie just tries too damn hard. It is so frantic and loud that it hardly ever funny, and it certainly isn't sweet.
STICK IT
NOT the gymnastics equivalent of Bring It On. This one's totally by the numbers, but barely works as a sports movie, a girl power movie, or as a comedy. The ending is like something out of another draft of the script. They spend 20 minutes complaining about how judges score things. Who cares?? The rock video editing drove me nuts. Jeff Bridges is enjoyable in a rare bit of slumming. Missy Peregrym (who looks like Hilary Swank's kid sister) is hot and spunky and has a shot for stardom, and Vanessa Lengies is absurdly cute! Eye candy is pretty much all this film has.
THE ICE HARVEST
So THAT'S how a film with John Cusack and Billy Bob Thornton can come and go so quietly! This is a dull dud, not funny in the least, with a plot that bore me completely, and with uninspired performances. Only Oliver Platt injects any life into it.
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
NOT my type of film at all. I watched it for Keira and that's all. I found the film to be incredibly boring, the romance to be uncompelling, and some of the performances to be dreadful (can someone rein in Brenda Blethyn? I'm gonna have nightmares about her screeching!). I did like Donald Sutherland, and Keira is lovely and stunning, although her getting nominated shows what a weak year it was for lead actresses.
THREE...EXTREMES
A bizarre trilogy of short films from Japan. Believe the word "extreme" cause this film is crazy. "Dumplings" is like Soylent Green, only with...well, you don't wanna know! "Cut" is a virtuoso bit of brutality, like The King Of Comedy crossed with Saw. And "Box", well, it confused the hell out of me. A weird film, but you won't forget it.
This mostly delivers the requisite drama and thrills, but it is not a great disaster flick. The friggin wave hits the ship barely 10 or 15 minutes into the film! That's not nearly enough time to develop any characters to the point where we have anything invested in their fates. Yeah, the stuff usually winds up cheesy, but be it Indepedence Day or The Day After Tomorrow or Deep Impact, you simply HAVE to allow a decent chunk of time to the characters. But aside from that major blunder, this is a solid film. The fx are strong. There's a fantastic sequence with the survivors packed into an air vent. A lot of this works on me cause I'm a bit claustrophobic and have a fear of water.
The cast doesn't have much to work with, but they're mostly good. Emmy Rossum is cute, though her voice still bugs me. Josh Lucas and Kurt Russell do the hero thing pretty well. Mia Maestro is beyond gorgeous! And Richard Dreyfuss is wonderful. And Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas dies!
JUST MY LUCK
Lindsay Lohan follows up Herbie with another movie that does her already wavering career no favors. This is one of the more superficial films in some time (no surprise since Missi Pyle is in it). Most of the time Lindsay's character is so shallow and self-absorbed that I hated her. Only later on when she's unlucky and kind of humbled is she likable at all. I did like Chris Pine as her counterpart/obligatory love interest. Basically the movie just tries too damn hard. It is so frantic and loud that it hardly ever funny, and it certainly isn't sweet.
STICK IT
NOT the gymnastics equivalent of Bring It On. This one's totally by the numbers, but barely works as a sports movie, a girl power movie, or as a comedy. The ending is like something out of another draft of the script. They spend 20 minutes complaining about how judges score things. Who cares?? The rock video editing drove me nuts. Jeff Bridges is enjoyable in a rare bit of slumming. Missy Peregrym (who looks like Hilary Swank's kid sister) is hot and spunky and has a shot for stardom, and Vanessa Lengies is absurdly cute! Eye candy is pretty much all this film has.
THE ICE HARVEST
So THAT'S how a film with John Cusack and Billy Bob Thornton can come and go so quietly! This is a dull dud, not funny in the least, with a plot that bore me completely, and with uninspired performances. Only Oliver Platt injects any life into it.
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
NOT my type of film at all. I watched it for Keira and that's all. I found the film to be incredibly boring, the romance to be uncompelling, and some of the performances to be dreadful (can someone rein in Brenda Blethyn? I'm gonna have nightmares about her screeching!). I did like Donald Sutherland, and Keira is lovely and stunning, although her getting nominated shows what a weak year it was for lead actresses.
THREE...EXTREMES
A bizarre trilogy of short films from Japan. Believe the word "extreme" cause this film is crazy. "Dumplings" is like Soylent Green, only with...well, you don't wanna know! "Cut" is a virtuoso bit of brutality, like The King Of Comedy crossed with Saw. And "Box", well, it confused the hell out of me. A weird film, but you won't forget it.
8/1/06
Shyamalan's films:
THE SIXTH SENSE
One of the most overrated films ever made. It's well made and all, but it's quite boring.
UNBREAKABLE
Brilliant. One of the most original films in the last 10 years, and also one of the best. You don't even know it's a comic book origin story until the very end. One of Sam Jackson's last REAL performances.
SIGNS
Also quite brilliant. Maybe the perfect Shyamalan film with its quiet tension (the pantry scene kills me!) and perfectly structured story.
THE VILLAGE
Good for a while, but this time the big twist made a joke out of his own story and insulted the audience.
LADY IN THE WATER
Lacks the expert touch of his best work, but is not boring and there's no lame surprise. That said, I see why it didn't work at the box office.
MEL GIBSON
Looks like the South Park guys were right when they made that episode portraying Mel as a complete nutjob. So he's a pathetic drunk and an anti-semite. At least this makes Tom Cruise look a lot better.
Hard to say if it'll hurt his career. POTC made tons of money, so the bigotry won't hurt him. He hasn't been the lead in a film in a long time now. Signs might've been his last film. It'll likely help him that all this is stuff we've only HEAR about. Cruise did a lot of his stuff in public.
THE SIXTH SENSE
One of the most overrated films ever made. It's well made and all, but it's quite boring.
UNBREAKABLE
Brilliant. One of the most original films in the last 10 years, and also one of the best. You don't even know it's a comic book origin story until the very end. One of Sam Jackson's last REAL performances.
SIGNS
Also quite brilliant. Maybe the perfect Shyamalan film with its quiet tension (the pantry scene kills me!) and perfectly structured story.
THE VILLAGE
Good for a while, but this time the big twist made a joke out of his own story and insulted the audience.
LADY IN THE WATER
Lacks the expert touch of his best work, but is not boring and there's no lame surprise. That said, I see why it didn't work at the box office.
MEL GIBSON
Looks like the South Park guys were right when they made that episode portraying Mel as a complete nutjob. So he's a pathetic drunk and an anti-semite. At least this makes Tom Cruise look a lot better.
Hard to say if it'll hurt his career. POTC made tons of money, so the bigotry won't hurt him. He hasn't been the lead in a film in a long time now. Signs might've been his last film. It'll likely help him that all this is stuff we've only HEAR about. Cruise did a lot of his stuff in public.
8/2/06
The new Gibson film is called Apocalypto. It's not a bible movie though. I don't really know the plot. I just know it has no stars and is all in another language.
I'm also hopeful for World Trade Center. It looks shockingly sentimental for an Oliver Stone film.
As for X-Men, that's possibly the last film. There's gonna be a Wolverine movie soon though, probably within the next couple years.
I'm also hopeful for World Trade Center. It looks shockingly sentimental for an Oliver Stone film.
As for X-Men, that's possibly the last film. There's gonna be a Wolverine movie soon though, probably within the next couple years.
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