Message Board Classics: Movies, Movies, and More Movies pt. 3
7/25/05
Runners up (in order):
Red Eye, Rory O'Shea Was Here, Hostage, Fantastic Four, Coach Carter, Elizabethtown, House Of Wax, High Tension, Just Friends, Waiting
I did not see the following films for varying reasons, but I expect to see most of them one day: Bride & Prejudice, Inside Deep Throat, Diary Of A Mad Black Woman, Ong Bak, Millions, Dear Frankie, In My Country, A Lot Like Love, Mindhunters, Cinderella Man, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Howl's Moving Castle, Dark Water, March Of The Penguins, Bad News Bears, Sky High, Murderball, Last Days, The 40 Year Old Virgin, My Date With Drew, November, Junebug, The Brothers Grimm, The Cave, Undiscovered, Underclassmen, An Unfinished Life, Venom, Cry Wolf, Just Like Heaven, Roll Bounce, Thumbsucker, Pretty Persuasion, Two For The Money, Wallace & Gromit, The Fog, Good Night and Good Luck, Doom, Stay, Capote, Kids In America, Shopgirl, Prime, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Chicken Little, Pride & Prejudice, Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic, Derailed, In The Mix, The Ice Harvest, King Kong, Cheaper By The Dozen 2, The Ringer, Wolf Creek, The Producers
The following films I did not see and never ever plan to: Racing Stripes, Alone In The Dark, The Wedding Date, Son Of The Mask, Because Of Winn-Dixie, The Pacifier, The Ring 2, Sahara, The Interpreter, House Of D, The Honeymooners, The Adventures Of Shark Boy And Lava Girl in 3D, Bewitched, Rebound, Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, Must Love Dogs, The Dukes Of Hazzard, Valiant, The Man, Proof, Corpse Bride, Oliver Twist, In Her Shoes, Dreamer, The Legend Of Zorro, Zathura, Yours, Mine & Ours, The Chronicles Of Narnia, Breakfast On Pluto, Casanova
THE TEN WORST FILMS OF 2005
10. Saw 2 The most annoying cast ever, and it actually chickened out on the gore!
9. Stealth One of the dumbest action movies of all time.
8. Man Of The House This thing had 5 cute actresses in it and STILL was unwatchable.
7. The Longest Yard The worst film of Adam Sandler's career.
6. Monster-In-Law Possibly the worst film of Jennifer Lopez's career.
5. The Devil's Rejects Once upon a time, Fred Durst was gonna direct a film, and I doubt even he could churn something out THIS bad!
4. Land Of The Dead A zombie film that does not even try to be clever or scary or smart or anything.
3. The Chumscrubber In 2 hours you can see everything that can go wrong in independent film.
2. The Amityville Horror A pathetic horror remake.
1. Boogeyman This takes the bottom slot cause I couldn't even finish watching it it was so putrid. This was NOT a good year for horror films.
Runners up (in order):
Herbie: Fully Loaded, Cursed, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, XXX: State Of The Union, Elektra, White Noise, 2046, The Weather Man, Be Cool, Into The Blue
SEED OF CHUCKY
Ok, I thought this series couldn't get any crazier than Bride Of Chucky. I was WRONG! I mean, this movie is complete trash, but it is also about as purely fun a movie as I've seen in a while, and it's way funnier than most comedies. I didn't like the new puppet Glen, but everything else was good. Jennifer Tilly is usually just about the worst thing in the movies, but she is SO in the spirit of this movie and she's so willing to GO there that I leave the movie almost being a fan of hers. But then I remember how crap she is normally (except for the twins!). Redman and John Waters are also completely insane, and Hannah Spearritt is the cutest. Fun gore, a script that mocks Hollywood in a fun way, Jennifer's heaving busom, and Redman having his intestines carved out in gory detail. What a flick!
ARE WE THERE YET?
I'm thinking of doing a remake of this movie, only mine ends with the 2 bratty kids being dumped into a vat of boiling acid. Jeez I hated the kids in this movie. I actually really liked Ice Cube in this one. He really does have a kind of genial charm in this kind of part (just like in the Barbershop movies), and I actually laughed big a couple times. Once he and the kids start getting along the movie is pretty enjoyable, but man does it test one's patience with all the ways Cube gets tortured by the brats.
BOOGEYMAN
I've got a half hour to go with this one, but I'm not sure I have any interest in finishing this. I guess The Amityville Horror might NOT be the year's worst movie. Sheesh! What a borefest. Here is the entire movie so far (I'm about 2/3 through it): Barry Watson walks around a dark location, then gets a stupid look on his face while staring at something, then he gets wiggy and frantically decides to leave where he is. He's done that like 5 or 6 times so far. That's it!
Ok, I thought this series couldn't get any crazier than Bride Of Chucky. I was WRONG! I mean, this movie is complete trash, but it is also about as purely fun a movie as I've seen in a while, and it's way funnier than most comedies. I didn't like the new puppet Glen, but everything else was good. Jennifer Tilly is usually just about the worst thing in the movies, but she is SO in the spirit of this movie and she's so willing to GO there that I leave the movie almost being a fan of hers. But then I remember how crap she is normally (except for the twins!). Redman and John Waters are also completely insane, and Hannah Spearritt is the cutest. Fun gore, a script that mocks Hollywood in a fun way, Jennifer's heaving busom, and Redman having his intestines carved out in gory detail. What a flick!
ARE WE THERE YET?
I'm thinking of doing a remake of this movie, only mine ends with the 2 bratty kids being dumped into a vat of boiling acid. Jeez I hated the kids in this movie. I actually really liked Ice Cube in this one. He really does have a kind of genial charm in this kind of part (just like in the Barbershop movies), and I actually laughed big a couple times. Once he and the kids start getting along the movie is pretty enjoyable, but man does it test one's patience with all the ways Cube gets tortured by the brats.
BOOGEYMAN
I've got a half hour to go with this one, but I'm not sure I have any interest in finishing this. I guess The Amityville Horror might NOT be the year's worst movie. Sheesh! What a borefest. Here is the entire movie so far (I'm about 2/3 through it): Barry Watson walks around a dark location, then gets a stupid look on his face while staring at something, then he gets wiggy and frantically decides to leave where he is. He's done that like 5 or 6 times so far. That's it!
8/2/05
When I saw Revenge Of The Sith on opening midnight, they played the trailer for Stealth...and it got booed off the screen! What a prescient audience that was, as Stealth is easily the biggest turkey of the summer movie season.
Stealth was directed by Rob Cohen. I think it is now safe to say that The Fast and The Furious is one of the great flukes of all time, because this guy made only a few mediocrities before it, and since has bombed out with XXX and now Stealth. Cohen is like what critics THINK Michael Bay is, i.e. all superficial flash and no substance.
Stealth is about a group of Navy pilots who are given a new artificially intelligent wingman, nicknamed Eddie. Eddie, like all other a.i. characters in movie history, talks in a soothingly effeminite voice. Eddie gets hit by lightning and becomes self aware and tries to go around bombing everything in sight.
I don't care that the plot is implausible. Anyone who rips a movie like this for not being realistic is an idiot. Stealth bombs though because of a maddeningly incoherent screenplay, in which character motivations switch on a dime for no reason other than pushing the plot along, and in which secondary storylines are tossed around like a beach ball, and in some cases not even resolved.
In the middle of the film, the pilots are given a vacation, for no other reason than to get Jessica into a bikini (well, I didn't say it was ALL bad!). Oh, and to I guess try to develop a romance that nobody could care about.
Anyone who can watch this movie and tell me what is going on with the commander played by Sam Shepard, let me know. He goes from good guy to bad guy to hapless good guy to honorable bad guy to snake to AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Even Eddie switches motives constantly and he's a robot!
The 3 leads stay pretty consistent, but they're miscast. Jessica Biel is my future wifey, but while she's displayed action chops in Blade: Trinity, she's not convincing as a top level pilot. Josh Lucas can be a terrific bad guy (as he was in Undertow), but as a heroic good guy he's not compelling. He's always got this smug look on his face that pissed me off.
And as for Jamie Foxx, you just know that when he was up accepting his Oscar, he was thinking "why'd I sign on for Stealth?" Now, if you're curious why his role has seemed so small from the ads, you can probably guess why that is. Foxx is alright, but after Ray and Collateral it's still slumming.
Stealth is just a boring movie. It's one of THE most boring action movies that I've seen in a long time. The film really is almost nonstop action, yet it fails to deliver a single memorable action set piece. You get a couple good explosions, but that's it.
And it fails to even cross that line into camp, like a Battlefield Earth. It comes close in the last hour, as Jessica Biel is trapped behind enemy lines and is able to take on the whole Korean army with one gun. And Lucas shows up at some base that's run by goons or something. I don't know WHAT that was!
I'd have walked out if I didn't wanna see what happened to Jessica and her clingy uniform.
Stealth was directed by Rob Cohen. I think it is now safe to say that The Fast and The Furious is one of the great flukes of all time, because this guy made only a few mediocrities before it, and since has bombed out with XXX and now Stealth. Cohen is like what critics THINK Michael Bay is, i.e. all superficial flash and no substance.
Stealth is about a group of Navy pilots who are given a new artificially intelligent wingman, nicknamed Eddie. Eddie, like all other a.i. characters in movie history, talks in a soothingly effeminite voice. Eddie gets hit by lightning and becomes self aware and tries to go around bombing everything in sight.
I don't care that the plot is implausible. Anyone who rips a movie like this for not being realistic is an idiot. Stealth bombs though because of a maddeningly incoherent screenplay, in which character motivations switch on a dime for no reason other than pushing the plot along, and in which secondary storylines are tossed around like a beach ball, and in some cases not even resolved.
In the middle of the film, the pilots are given a vacation, for no other reason than to get Jessica into a bikini (well, I didn't say it was ALL bad!). Oh, and to I guess try to develop a romance that nobody could care about.
Anyone who can watch this movie and tell me what is going on with the commander played by Sam Shepard, let me know. He goes from good guy to bad guy to hapless good guy to honorable bad guy to snake to AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Even Eddie switches motives constantly and he's a robot!
The 3 leads stay pretty consistent, but they're miscast. Jessica Biel is my future wifey, but while she's displayed action chops in Blade: Trinity, she's not convincing as a top level pilot. Josh Lucas can be a terrific bad guy (as he was in Undertow), but as a heroic good guy he's not compelling. He's always got this smug look on his face that pissed me off.
And as for Jamie Foxx, you just know that when he was up accepting his Oscar, he was thinking "why'd I sign on for Stealth?" Now, if you're curious why his role has seemed so small from the ads, you can probably guess why that is. Foxx is alright, but after Ray and Collateral it's still slumming.
Stealth is just a boring movie. It's one of THE most boring action movies that I've seen in a long time. The film really is almost nonstop action, yet it fails to deliver a single memorable action set piece. You get a couple good explosions, but that's it.
And it fails to even cross that line into camp, like a Battlefield Earth. It comes close in the last hour, as Jessica Biel is trapped behind enemy lines and is able to take on the whole Korean army with one gun. And Lucas shows up at some base that's run by goons or something. I don't know WHAT that was!
I'd have walked out if I didn't wanna see what happened to Jessica and her clingy uniform.
8/6/05
RORY O'SHEA WAS HERE
What a terrific movie this was! A brash parapalegic moves into a special home for the disabled, and befriends a guy with cerebral pallsy. They together try to make it out in the real world.
The whole film I'm sitting there, wondering if Steven Robertson, the actor playing Michael (the one with CP), is really disabled. I thought for sure he must've been. NO! He isn't disabled at all. That makes this one of the most convincing performances I've ever seen, cause he never overplays it at all. Plus, I was casual friends with a guy in high school who had CP (not as severe as depicted in this film, mind you), and this film depicts it spot on! The slurred voice, the gestures, all of it.
The film is not a downer, despite some of the subject matter. In actuality it's one of the most uplifting films I've seen in quite some time. It's VERY funny too, especially in the first half. Later on it does get more serious, and you kinda figure it'll have an ending sort of like the one it does.
James McAvoy is no slouch as Rory, making him likeable despite him not being that likeable a lot of the time. And I might have to make the completely beguiling Romola Garai into my Mrs.
What a terrific movie this was! A brash parapalegic moves into a special home for the disabled, and befriends a guy with cerebral pallsy. They together try to make it out in the real world.
The whole film I'm sitting there, wondering if Steven Robertson, the actor playing Michael (the one with CP), is really disabled. I thought for sure he must've been. NO! He isn't disabled at all. That makes this one of the most convincing performances I've ever seen, cause he never overplays it at all. Plus, I was casual friends with a guy in high school who had CP (not as severe as depicted in this film, mind you), and this film depicts it spot on! The slurred voice, the gestures, all of it.
The film is not a downer, despite some of the subject matter. In actuality it's one of the most uplifting films I've seen in quite some time. It's VERY funny too, especially in the first half. Later on it does get more serious, and you kinda figure it'll have an ending sort of like the one it does.
James McAvoy is no slouch as Rory, making him likeable despite him not being that likeable a lot of the time. And I might have to make the completely beguiling Romola Garai into my Mrs.
She was just a gem.
The film makes you feel GOOD, and not many films do that.
The film makes you feel GOOD, and not many films do that.
8/10/05
I think T2 is clearly the peak of the franchise, but I did like T3 quite a bit. I think it may have even made my ten best list from 2003.
James Cameron's absence was definitely felt, but I thought Jonathan Mostow did a solid job of maintaining the series integrity. T3 is not just a big dumb action movie. Stealth is a big dumb action movie. I liked the ideas of fate and all that in the film, even if it was regurgitated some from the other 2 films.
The action was great! The film cost about $170 million iirc, and it was all up there on screen. Arnold's kind of all the way comedic in this one, but hell, he's more of a joke in his current role anyway.![]()
Nick Stahl and Claire Danes were both very good. But how DARE they shadow Kristanna Loken's ass!!
And I loved the ending, which is likely the reason more people in the general public didn't respond. T4 may never be made, but I'd see it if it does get made.
James Cameron's absence was definitely felt, but I thought Jonathan Mostow did a solid job of maintaining the series integrity. T3 is not just a big dumb action movie. Stealth is a big dumb action movie. I liked the ideas of fate and all that in the film, even if it was regurgitated some from the other 2 films.
The action was great! The film cost about $170 million iirc, and it was all up there on screen. Arnold's kind of all the way comedic in this one, but hell, he's more of a joke in his current role anyway.
Nick Stahl and Claire Danes were both very good. But how DARE they shadow Kristanna Loken's ass!!And I loved the ending, which is likely the reason more people in the general public didn't respond. T4 may never be made, but I'd see it if it does get made.
8/10/05
THE CHUMSCRUBBER
Burned out by the big budget idiocy of Stealth, and maybe just looking to ease into the quieter fall slate of films, I was curious to see The Chumscrubber. It looked pretty good from the trailer, like one of those little indie films that turns out to be pretty good.
Um...well then. If Stealth showcases all that can go wrong in mega budget Hollywood, The Chumscrubber is an example of all that can go wrong with independent film. The film is pretentious, it has quirkiness for quirk's sake, and it seems allergic to the very notion of being the least bit entertaining.
The tiny plot it has features Jamie Bell as an alientated suburban teen, whose drug dealer best friend hangs himself. Then some school bully tries to force him to deliver the dead guy's remaining drug stash, through a kidnapping that gets botched.
Where are the adults? Well, they are all totally oblivious cyborgs or Stepford wives. I mean, it is embarrassing to watch some good actors like Ralph Fiennes, Carrie-Anne Moss and Jason Isaacs attampt to bring life to these most ludicrous of characters. Not one second of ANY of the adult storylines holds any interest, especially Rita Wilson's obsession over her wedding (gee, what an original concept) and Fiennes' obsession with dolphin imagery (don't ask).
The lone performances that hold interest are from Bell, who was also good in Undertow, and the mega cute Camilla Belle, who proves that a pretty face can't save every film. Although looking at her in a tank top did keep me from walking out.
The film looks cheap. The screenplay is a pitiful retread of numerous other dark suburban films. Frankly, it isn't even a theatrical release. This is like one of those movies I'd spot on a Blockbuster shelf and maybe rent cause it has an actor or two of interest. I've rented plenty of indie films that went straight to video, some good and some bad, but this one is one of the worst. I can't believe this was able to snag a multiplex screen here in town.
For the record, The Chumscrubber refers to a video game character shown in the movie. They should've just admitted the truth and titled this film The Bottom Feeder.
Burned out by the big budget idiocy of Stealth, and maybe just looking to ease into the quieter fall slate of films, I was curious to see The Chumscrubber. It looked pretty good from the trailer, like one of those little indie films that turns out to be pretty good.
Um...well then. If Stealth showcases all that can go wrong in mega budget Hollywood, The Chumscrubber is an example of all that can go wrong with independent film. The film is pretentious, it has quirkiness for quirk's sake, and it seems allergic to the very notion of being the least bit entertaining.
The tiny plot it has features Jamie Bell as an alientated suburban teen, whose drug dealer best friend hangs himself. Then some school bully tries to force him to deliver the dead guy's remaining drug stash, through a kidnapping that gets botched.
Where are the adults? Well, they are all totally oblivious cyborgs or Stepford wives. I mean, it is embarrassing to watch some good actors like Ralph Fiennes, Carrie-Anne Moss and Jason Isaacs attampt to bring life to these most ludicrous of characters. Not one second of ANY of the adult storylines holds any interest, especially Rita Wilson's obsession over her wedding (gee, what an original concept) and Fiennes' obsession with dolphin imagery (don't ask).
The lone performances that hold interest are from Bell, who was also good in Undertow, and the mega cute Camilla Belle, who proves that a pretty face can't save every film. Although looking at her in a tank top did keep me from walking out.
The film looks cheap. The screenplay is a pitiful retread of numerous other dark suburban films. Frankly, it isn't even a theatrical release. This is like one of those movies I'd spot on a Blockbuster shelf and maybe rent cause it has an actor or two of interest. I've rented plenty of indie films that went straight to video, some good and some bad, but this one is one of the worst. I can't believe this was able to snag a multiplex screen here in town.
For the record, The Chumscrubber refers to a video game character shown in the movie. They should've just admitted the truth and titled this film The Bottom Feeder.
8/13/05
Four Brothers:
For almost as long as I've been a film fan, John Singleton has been one of my favorite directors. In the 90's he WAS my favorite. In this decade though he's slipped some. Yes, he directed the fantastic Baby Boy (which is one of this decade's ten best), but elsewhere his directing output has consisted of Shaft (which was cool), 2 Fast 2 Furious (which was disposable) and now Four Brothers, which is good, but not great. Clearly, Singleton is at his best the more involved he is in a project. His best work is stuff he's not just directed, but also produced and written. Here he's just a director for hire.
This film works well for what it is. It's not like it tries to be a great film. It just tries to be a tough, gritty revenge film, and it succeeds at that. Mark Wahlberg, Tyrese Gibson, Andre Benjamin and Garrett Hedlund (representin Minnesota!) come home to bury their foster mother, killed in a convenience store hold-up. Then they decide to find those responsible. The film's weakness is its screenplay. It loads up on far too many red herrings and conspiracy twists, to the point that I STILL don't really know what happened or why or who. But the story itself is good and I did care what happened.
Thankfully, Singleton's proven to be a surprisingly good action director. This film has one terrific car chase through the snow, and there's a long shootout sequence that is really fantastic.
And this ensemble is quite good. Why is it that Singleton is the only guy who ever casts Tyrese Gibson? This guy is great! And Andre Benjamin from Outkast looks like the next great musician-turned-actor (although Singleton has always been great at directing singers and rappers in front of the camera...and that INCLUDES Janet!). Chiwetel Ejiofor is also a great bad guy here. I may not know how to say his name, but when I see it in the credits I know I'm gonna see something good.
7/10
This film works well for what it is. It's not like it tries to be a great film. It just tries to be a tough, gritty revenge film, and it succeeds at that. Mark Wahlberg, Tyrese Gibson, Andre Benjamin and Garrett Hedlund (representin Minnesota!) come home to bury their foster mother, killed in a convenience store hold-up. Then they decide to find those responsible. The film's weakness is its screenplay. It loads up on far too many red herrings and conspiracy twists, to the point that I STILL don't really know what happened or why or who. But the story itself is good and I did care what happened.
Thankfully, Singleton's proven to be a surprisingly good action director. This film has one terrific car chase through the snow, and there's a long shootout sequence that is really fantastic.
And this ensemble is quite good. Why is it that Singleton is the only guy who ever casts Tyrese Gibson? This guy is great! And Andre Benjamin from Outkast looks like the next great musician-turned-actor (although Singleton has always been great at directing singers and rappers in front of the camera...and that INCLUDES Janet!). Chiwetel Ejiofor is also a great bad guy here. I may not know how to say his name, but when I see it in the credits I know I'm gonna see something good.
7/10
8/14/05
FALL PREVIEW
MY TOP TEN TO SEE (yes I know this is more than 10)
1. Serenity: The film version of Joss Whedon's screwed-over Firefly. I'm drooling for this, it's gonna be SO good!
2. V For Vendetta: When is a Natalie movie NOT my most anticipated of a season? When the WACKowskis are involved.
3. Into The Blue: At this point, Jessica Alba could star in Boogeyman 2 and I'd go on day one!
4. Elizabethtown: Could this be the one to prove that Orlando Bloom has any business as the lead of a film?
5. Rent: Not crazy about Chris Columbus directing this, but I'm crazy about anything that has Rosario Dawson.
6. The Weather Man: Got pushed to fall for Oscar hopes. Looks very good.
7. Flightplan: Jodie Foster works so rarely it's hard to think she'd waste her time on a subpar project. Oh, but she did do Panic Room.
8. Domino: Will be cool if Tony Scott doesn't edit this with a speed freak like he did with Man On Fire.
9. Just Like Heaven: Wow does Reese ooze cuteness in this one!
10. Shopgirl: Like the trailer. Looks like Jason Schwartzman is playing ME.
11. The New World: Terrence Malick epic. The bloom is off Colin Farrell's career, but maybe this is his ticket back.
12. The Family Stone: My future wife Rachel McAdams is in it, so I'm there even though it stars horseface no-talent Sarah Jessica Parker.
13. Get Rich Or Die Tryin: AKA 50 Mile. The trailer sadly makes this look like a generic gangsta shoot-em-up. But 50 Cent's performance actually looks alright, and the soundtrack will OWN. Clickety clank, my 6 bucks will go into their piggybank.
14. Jarhead: AAH! How'd I forget this? Great director, awesome cast. maybe looks a little too much like Three Kings, but that ain't a bad film to emulate.
MY TOP TEN TO AVOID
1. The Man: Basic looked like the pit of Sam Jackson's career. I guess he still has farther to fall.
2. Dirty Love: It stars Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra, so the odds of any intelligence being displayed on screen aren't very good.
3. A Sound Of Thunder: A hideous-looking Jurassic Park ripoff that I coulda sworn opened last year.
4. Proof: Oh god, now we gotta have more Gwyneth Paltrow movies?
5. Roll Bounce: I think Bow Wow's career really hit the skids when he lost the "Lil"
THE REST
-Corpse Bride: Yawn. I never liked The Nightmare Before Christmas.
-Oliver Twist: Uh, Polanski doing Oliver Twist? A little creepy?
-Lord Of War: Nic Cage again.
-Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang: I'd love to see a classic Shane Black-style action movie.
-An Unfinished Life: The cast is too good for this to suck, so why the delays?
-The Exorcism Of Emily Rose: This actually looks quite good and creepy.
-Transporter 2: The first one was cool, but Luc Besson needs to direct again.
-Wallace & Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit
-Good Night, And Good Luck: Directed by George Clooney.
-The Legend Of Zorro: The first one was weak. I'd prefer another Mariachi movie myself.
-In Her Shoes: Cameron Diaz is done.
-North Country: Stars Charlize Theron, and was filmed in Minnesota. Yay!
-Doom: The Rock blasting creatures with a big gun. I smell Oscar.
-Dreamer: Dakota Fanning and a horse.
-Saw 2: I'll see it, but I hope it's not Jeepers Creepers 2.
-The Fog: Jesus, ANOTHER horror remake? Oh well, this has the hella hot Maggie Grace from Lost in it.
-Syriana: Clooney, Damon
-Walk The Line: Johnny Cash biopic. This year's Ray?
-Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire: In this one Hermione finally gets nekkid, right?
-Ice Harvest: Harold Ramis has directed a movie again??
-Zathura: Jumanji in space.
-Pride & Prejudice: Keira's english, so she HAS to do one of these period films.
-Dying For Dolly: Usher falls for a girl, then presumably cheats on her and makes an album about it.
1. Serenity: The film version of Joss Whedon's screwed-over Firefly. I'm drooling for this, it's gonna be SO good!
2. V For Vendetta: When is a Natalie movie NOT my most anticipated of a season? When the WACKowskis are involved.
3. Into The Blue: At this point, Jessica Alba could star in Boogeyman 2 and I'd go on day one!
4. Elizabethtown: Could this be the one to prove that Orlando Bloom has any business as the lead of a film?
5. Rent: Not crazy about Chris Columbus directing this, but I'm crazy about anything that has Rosario Dawson.
6. The Weather Man: Got pushed to fall for Oscar hopes. Looks very good.
7. Flightplan: Jodie Foster works so rarely it's hard to think she'd waste her time on a subpar project. Oh, but she did do Panic Room.
8. Domino: Will be cool if Tony Scott doesn't edit this with a speed freak like he did with Man On Fire.
9. Just Like Heaven: Wow does Reese ooze cuteness in this one!
10. Shopgirl: Like the trailer. Looks like Jason Schwartzman is playing ME.
11. The New World: Terrence Malick epic. The bloom is off Colin Farrell's career, but maybe this is his ticket back.
12. The Family Stone: My future wife Rachel McAdams is in it, so I'm there even though it stars horseface no-talent Sarah Jessica Parker.
13. Get Rich Or Die Tryin: AKA 50 Mile. The trailer sadly makes this look like a generic gangsta shoot-em-up. But 50 Cent's performance actually looks alright, and the soundtrack will OWN. Clickety clank, my 6 bucks will go into their piggybank.
14. Jarhead: AAH! How'd I forget this? Great director, awesome cast. maybe looks a little too much like Three Kings, but that ain't a bad film to emulate.
MY TOP TEN TO AVOID
1. The Man: Basic looked like the pit of Sam Jackson's career. I guess he still has farther to fall.
2. Dirty Love: It stars Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra, so the odds of any intelligence being displayed on screen aren't very good.
3. A Sound Of Thunder: A hideous-looking Jurassic Park ripoff that I coulda sworn opened last year.
4. Proof: Oh god, now we gotta have more Gwyneth Paltrow movies?
5. Roll Bounce: I think Bow Wow's career really hit the skids when he lost the "Lil"
THE REST
-Corpse Bride: Yawn. I never liked The Nightmare Before Christmas.
-Oliver Twist: Uh, Polanski doing Oliver Twist? A little creepy?
-Lord Of War: Nic Cage again.
-Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang: I'd love to see a classic Shane Black-style action movie.
-An Unfinished Life: The cast is too good for this to suck, so why the delays?
-The Exorcism Of Emily Rose: This actually looks quite good and creepy.
-Transporter 2: The first one was cool, but Luc Besson needs to direct again.
-Wallace & Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit
-Good Night, And Good Luck: Directed by George Clooney.
-The Legend Of Zorro: The first one was weak. I'd prefer another Mariachi movie myself.
-In Her Shoes: Cameron Diaz is done.
-North Country: Stars Charlize Theron, and was filmed in Minnesota. Yay!
-Doom: The Rock blasting creatures with a big gun. I smell Oscar.
-Dreamer: Dakota Fanning and a horse.
-Saw 2: I'll see it, but I hope it's not Jeepers Creepers 2.
-The Fog: Jesus, ANOTHER horror remake? Oh well, this has the hella hot Maggie Grace from Lost in it.
-Syriana: Clooney, Damon
-Walk The Line: Johnny Cash biopic. This year's Ray?
-Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire: In this one Hermione finally gets nekkid, right?
-Ice Harvest: Harold Ramis has directed a movie again??
-Zathura: Jumanji in space.
-Pride & Prejudice: Keira's english, so she HAS to do one of these period films.
-Dying For Dolly: Usher falls for a girl, then presumably cheats on her and makes an album about it.
8/16/05
DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO
Rob Schneider movies are like NFL preseason games. I know they're not gonna be very good, yet I simply cannot resist watching them. I've seen each of Schneider's movies. I haven't liked any of them that much, but they also have not been bad enough to break this pull his ouevre has on me. Deuce Bigalow was probably my least favorite of his movies, and this sequel is about the same.
The movie is sloppy, and even by dumb comedy standards the story seems like a total afterthought. The movie is just an excuse to have Deuce encounter a bunch more women who are deformed in some way. The funniest had to be the woman with a penis for a nose (just watch out when she sneezes!). I also thought the running joke in which Eddie Griffin's character keeps getting caught in compromising positions was funny.
I give the movie points for sheer idiocy. I mean, come on, the "man whore awards"? That's amusing. Norm Macdonald has a funny cameo, as does Fred Armisen. And Deuce's love interest was freakin cuteness! Like a non-anorexic Mischa Barton.
I can't rip on the movie too much, cause it was never gonna be more than what it ended up being. And yeah, if Rob Schneider does another movie I'll probably go see it. I can't help it.
Rob Schneider movies are like NFL preseason games. I know they're not gonna be very good, yet I simply cannot resist watching them. I've seen each of Schneider's movies. I haven't liked any of them that much, but they also have not been bad enough to break this pull his ouevre has on me. Deuce Bigalow was probably my least favorite of his movies, and this sequel is about the same.
The movie is sloppy, and even by dumb comedy standards the story seems like a total afterthought. The movie is just an excuse to have Deuce encounter a bunch more women who are deformed in some way. The funniest had to be the woman with a penis for a nose (just watch out when she sneezes!). I also thought the running joke in which Eddie Griffin's character keeps getting caught in compromising positions was funny.
I give the movie points for sheer idiocy. I mean, come on, the "man whore awards"? That's amusing. Norm Macdonald has a funny cameo, as does Fred Armisen. And Deuce's love interest was freakin cuteness! Like a non-anorexic Mischa Barton.
I can't rip on the movie too much, cause it was never gonna be more than what it ended up being. And yeah, if Rob Schneider does another movie I'll probably go see it. I can't help it.
8/18/05
I was about ready to give up on the horror genre, but The Skeleton Key is pretty good. It's not a classic, but it fits the definition of solid very well.
The film also marks a comeback for Kate Hudson, who over the last few years had been one of the LEAST welcome sights in film, due to all those hideous romantic comedies. But she's excellent here, the best she's been since she was a virtual unknown.
The mood is effectively creepy. Unlike The Grudge, which had nearly an identical premise, this one has an actual story. I caught onto the truth of the situation perhaps a little sooner than the filmmakers may have intended, but there were still a couple good twists. And you can't fail with actors like Gena Rowlands, Peter Sarsgaard and my future wife Joy Bryant filling out the cast.
So it's not quite a classic, but it's the best this genre has given us in quite some time.
7/10
And the new Serenity trailer was AWESOME!
The film also marks a comeback for Kate Hudson, who over the last few years had been one of the LEAST welcome sights in film, due to all those hideous romantic comedies. But she's excellent here, the best she's been since she was a virtual unknown.
The mood is effectively creepy. Unlike The Grudge, which had nearly an identical premise, this one has an actual story. I caught onto the truth of the situation perhaps a little sooner than the filmmakers may have intended, but there were still a couple good twists. And you can't fail with actors like Gena Rowlands, Peter Sarsgaard and my future wife Joy Bryant filling out the cast.
So it's not quite a classic, but it's the best this genre has given us in quite some time.
7/10
And the new Serenity trailer was AWESOME!
8/21/05
Anyway, I saw Red Eye yesterday. This is the film about a woman (RACHEL THE GODDESS!) who becomes involved in an assassination plot due to her unfortunate rendezvous with one of the masterminds of said plot (Cillian Murphy), while on a flight.
This was a terrific movie, one of the year's best. I'd compare it to Phone Booth, in that it's a really quick, tense thriller. I like this more though cause the climax is more satisfying.
The whole middle of the film, onboard the plane, with Murphy forcing Rachel to do her part in the killing of a government official (sec. of defense, I think it was), and her having to wiggle her way out of her predicament, was just fantastic. Too bad this is a genre movie, cause Rachel and Murphy each give performances that are award worthy. Rachel's neither a damsel in distress nor a super tough action chick. Murphy is as great a bad guy as we've got right now.
Great to see Wes Craven have a bit of a comeback here. It was looking like Scream 1 & 2 were his last gasps.
8/10(very close to a 9)
This was a terrific movie, one of the year's best. I'd compare it to Phone Booth, in that it's a really quick, tense thriller. I like this more though cause the climax is more satisfying.
The whole middle of the film, onboard the plane, with Murphy forcing Rachel to do her part in the killing of a government official (sec. of defense, I think it was), and her having to wiggle her way out of her predicament, was just fantastic. Too bad this is a genre movie, cause Rachel and Murphy each give performances that are award worthy. Rachel's neither a damsel in distress nor a super tough action chick. Murphy is as great a bad guy as we've got right now.
Great to see Wes Craven have a bit of a comeback here. It was looking like Scream 1 & 2 were his last gasps.
8/10(very close to a 9)
9/2/05
BROKEN FLOWERS
Bill Murray's second career as a serious leading man gets another boost from this Jim Jarmusch film, about an aging ladies man who gets an anonymous letter informing him that he may have a son.
The film is TOO minimal and slow a lot of the time, especially early on, with long scenes of Murray basically just sitting there. But it picks up when he visits some of his exes, including Sharon Stone (whose hot daughter goes naked for no reason-not that I'm complaining) and Jessica Lange.
The film doesn't really ever resolve its story. You don't find out who wrote the letter, or even if it's real, or if a late arriving character is who they first appear to be. But in this case such unanswered questions aren't a problem.
TRANSPORTER 2
Transporter 1 was a real slick, real cool action flick. Transporter 2 is a real slick, real cool action flick. I think its a slight drop from the first one though. That one involved me even though I saw it on video. This was a theater viewing and I was less involved. The plot is a routine kidnapping, that then turns into a kind of bioterrorist attack. The villain's master plan has one incredibly gaping hole in its logic (everyone in the WORLD would die--HELLO?). Jason Staham's a cool action star though, and the fights are great, and there are some enjoyably preposterous car stunts, and Keith David is in it. I mean really, what more do you need besides Keith David?
THE CONSTANT GARDENER
I hope all of the fall's Oscar hopefuls are this good! This is just a really well made film, that works as a thriller, a drama, and actually a rather moving love story. Ralph Fiennes gives a definite Oscar-level performance, with a real arc. Rachel Weisz is terrific as well. The film is pretty densely plotted, so you gotta actually pay attention pretty well, and even I found a couple characters confusing, like I wasn't totally sure who they were. This is not as fantastic as Fernando Meirelles' City Of God (which could be one of the DECADE'S ten best), but it confirms that he is a MAJOR director and should be for years.
LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS (obviously caught on video)
This was the first Jim Carrey movie I did not go see, and I'm not totally regretful about it. Carrey's brilliance made me laugh. I also found Meryl Sreep quite funny. And Emily Browning makes me wish I was about 15 years younger. But the movie treads water very quickly. I kind of admired how dark and mean it was, but it's also not any sort of great black comedy either.
Bill Murray's second career as a serious leading man gets another boost from this Jim Jarmusch film, about an aging ladies man who gets an anonymous letter informing him that he may have a son.
The film is TOO minimal and slow a lot of the time, especially early on, with long scenes of Murray basically just sitting there. But it picks up when he visits some of his exes, including Sharon Stone (whose hot daughter goes naked for no reason-not that I'm complaining) and Jessica Lange.
The film doesn't really ever resolve its story. You don't find out who wrote the letter, or even if it's real, or if a late arriving character is who they first appear to be. But in this case such unanswered questions aren't a problem.
TRANSPORTER 2
Transporter 1 was a real slick, real cool action flick. Transporter 2 is a real slick, real cool action flick. I think its a slight drop from the first one though. That one involved me even though I saw it on video. This was a theater viewing and I was less involved. The plot is a routine kidnapping, that then turns into a kind of bioterrorist attack. The villain's master plan has one incredibly gaping hole in its logic (everyone in the WORLD would die--HELLO?). Jason Staham's a cool action star though, and the fights are great, and there are some enjoyably preposterous car stunts, and Keith David is in it. I mean really, what more do you need besides Keith David?
THE CONSTANT GARDENER
I hope all of the fall's Oscar hopefuls are this good! This is just a really well made film, that works as a thriller, a drama, and actually a rather moving love story. Ralph Fiennes gives a definite Oscar-level performance, with a real arc. Rachel Weisz is terrific as well. The film is pretty densely plotted, so you gotta actually pay attention pretty well, and even I found a couple characters confusing, like I wasn't totally sure who they were. This is not as fantastic as Fernando Meirelles' City Of God (which could be one of the DECADE'S ten best), but it confirms that he is a MAJOR director and should be for years.
LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS (obviously caught on video)
This was the first Jim Carrey movie I did not go see, and I'm not totally regretful about it. Carrey's brilliance made me laugh. I also found Meryl Sreep quite funny. And Emily Browning makes me wish I was about 15 years younger. But the movie treads water very quickly. I kind of admired how dark and mean it was, but it's also not any sort of great black comedy either.
9/14/05
THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE
That's weird. I went to a horror movie and a John Grisham film broke out.
This is easily one of the most falsely marketed films in recent memory (though a $30 million opening suggests it paid off). Now, I actually turned out to not mind that. Horror movies are opening every week (hell, TWO open this Friday alone!), so a film that is a little different from routine slasher thrills and gore is welcome.
The courtroom drama is well done, with some good ideas floating about. The actual scary scenes (told in flashbacks) are solid. The acting is strong, led by Tom Wilkinson. The film is not exceptional, but it is a good story and pretty involving. I think if it'd been more all-out horror it would've been a lesser film.
6/10
LORD OF WAR
Since Sam Jackson is killing his career I need a new favorite actor, and Nicolas Cage might be the choice. He's always good, and is again in this film. The film is sort of a true story of an international arms dealer, played by Cage. I found the film eerily similar to Blow, in that it's another biopic in which the lead almost overnight becomes a high roller and entrepreneur, and in both cases the film kind of skims over the life, reveling in the often reprehensible behavior as much as condemning it.. Cage's character is not a likable guy, although he's good at rationalizing what he does.
Andrew Niccol (whose last film was the godawful Simone) does a good directing job, although I'd almost rather this film have been a little longer. Ethan Hawke is excellent as an interpol agent who just can't ever seem to nail Cage for anything. Bridget Moynahan gets little to do as Cage's oblivious wife, and Jared Leto is STILL playing junkies? The latter half of the film though is OWNED by Eamonn Walker as a borderline psychotic warlord (or lord of war). I dare any viewer to not be mesmerized by his performance.
7/10
FLIGHTPLAN
The worst thing to happn to this movie was Red Eye. That film was much more suspenseful, more entertaining, and more satisfying. This film here is well done, and you can't argue with Jodie Foster's performance, but it's so mechanical that it never, uh, takes off. I did like the supporting cast, with Sean Bean, Peter Sarsgaard, and the ridiculously yummy Erika Christensen. Coulda done w/o the 500 shots of Jodie running in slo-mo. The last third of the film is kind of generic, but the mystery is effective enough for the first 2 acts to warrant a mild thumbs up.
6/10
This is easily one of the most falsely marketed films in recent memory (though a $30 million opening suggests it paid off). Now, I actually turned out to not mind that. Horror movies are opening every week (hell, TWO open this Friday alone!), so a film that is a little different from routine slasher thrills and gore is welcome.
The courtroom drama is well done, with some good ideas floating about. The actual scary scenes (told in flashbacks) are solid. The acting is strong, led by Tom Wilkinson. The film is not exceptional, but it is a good story and pretty involving. I think if it'd been more all-out horror it would've been a lesser film.
6/10
LORD OF WAR
Since Sam Jackson is killing his career I need a new favorite actor, and Nicolas Cage might be the choice. He's always good, and is again in this film. The film is sort of a true story of an international arms dealer, played by Cage. I found the film eerily similar to Blow, in that it's another biopic in which the lead almost overnight becomes a high roller and entrepreneur, and in both cases the film kind of skims over the life, reveling in the often reprehensible behavior as much as condemning it.. Cage's character is not a likable guy, although he's good at rationalizing what he does.
Andrew Niccol (whose last film was the godawful Simone) does a good directing job, although I'd almost rather this film have been a little longer. Ethan Hawke is excellent as an interpol agent who just can't ever seem to nail Cage for anything. Bridget Moynahan gets little to do as Cage's oblivious wife, and Jared Leto is STILL playing junkies? The latter half of the film though is OWNED by Eamonn Walker as a borderline psychotic warlord (or lord of war). I dare any viewer to not be mesmerized by his performance.
7/10
FLIGHTPLAN
The worst thing to happn to this movie was Red Eye. That film was much more suspenseful, more entertaining, and more satisfying. This film here is well done, and you can't argue with Jodie Foster's performance, but it's so mechanical that it never, uh, takes off. I did like the supporting cast, with Sean Bean, Peter Sarsgaard, and the ridiculously yummy Erika Christensen. Coulda done w/o the 500 shots of Jodie running in slo-mo. The last third of the film is kind of generic, but the mystery is effective enough for the first 2 acts to warrant a mild thumbs up.
6/10
10/2/05
SERENITY ***spoilers***
WOW! I was a big fan of Joss Whedon's Firefly, and was appropriately angry at FOX when they cancelled it. But you know what? I'm now really glad that happened, cause otherwise we never would have gotten this absolutely FANTASTIC big screen version! I LOVED this movie! I have not had a highly anticipated film exceed expectations like this since probably Kill Bill Volume One.
The trailers were misleading. They undersold the film. For one, it looked like the plot of the film was actually gonna go over old ground for us Firefly fans. It looked like Joss was gonna have the film be almost like the TV show pilot, easing newbies into the Firefly world. But NO! The film takes place a few months after the last series episode. And there's not much time spent helping newbies catch up. Good move!
The film focuses a lot on River, the most enigmatic character from the show. The Alliance is after her still, this time led by a cold-blooded operative (Chiwetel Ejiofor, even more magnetic than he was in Four Brothers). The Serenity crew learns some new things about her, and that leads to a dangerous mission to find out what made her the way she is.
The last half of this film is THRILLING! Fans of Whedon know that he's got a knack for making REALLY exciting drama with limited means, as he did on Buffy, Angel, and Firefly. Here he's got a bigger canvas (although the budget was likely modest by sci-fi standards), and there are fabulous action set pieces. And every character gets a moment or two that are just perfect. My favorite moment had to be Kaylee's big line before the battle!![]()
And a couple twists are very shocking, although Joss would be well served not to kill off characters quite so frequently if this becomes an ongoing franchise.
This movie left me more completely jazzed and satisfied than even Revenge Of The Sith. I find it unfathomable that ANY fan of Firefly could not love this film.
10/10
INTO THE BLUE
This film marks the first time ever where you could probably sue a camera for sexual harassment. It is SHAMELESS the way the camera focuses in on Jessica Alba's ass. I of course would like to send a big thank you note to the director of this film for that, but I won't. I won't because this director is also responsible for one of the lamest thrillers in a long time, a film so putrid that not even my lovely Jessica could save it.
The sunken treasure/cocaine/drug lord storyline is completely ridiculous and boring. Worst of all is the film is played completely straight. The film has no sense of humor about itself. Adding a little self-mockery would've made this movie so much more appealing. Instead I was bored out of my mind, except of course for the moments when I could oogle my future wife Jess! (plus I think all the water was why I had to go the bathroom REAL bad for the 2nd half of the film!!)
Jessica's ok in the movie, but she was better in Sin City and Fantastic Four. Just looking at her was worth the 8 bucks though. Paul Walker has some appeal, but here he's a himbo. Ashley Scott is hot too, but she's irritating. And Scott Caan is absolutely insufferable, which come to think of it is what he's been like in every film he's ever done. I think we need to propose a BAN on Scott Caan ever being in a movie again.
4/10 (ALL for my Jessica!)
WOW! I was a big fan of Joss Whedon's Firefly, and was appropriately angry at FOX when they cancelled it. But you know what? I'm now really glad that happened, cause otherwise we never would have gotten this absolutely FANTASTIC big screen version! I LOVED this movie! I have not had a highly anticipated film exceed expectations like this since probably Kill Bill Volume One.
The trailers were misleading. They undersold the film. For one, it looked like the plot of the film was actually gonna go over old ground for us Firefly fans. It looked like Joss was gonna have the film be almost like the TV show pilot, easing newbies into the Firefly world. But NO! The film takes place a few months after the last series episode. And there's not much time spent helping newbies catch up. Good move!
The film focuses a lot on River, the most enigmatic character from the show. The Alliance is after her still, this time led by a cold-blooded operative (Chiwetel Ejiofor, even more magnetic than he was in Four Brothers). The Serenity crew learns some new things about her, and that leads to a dangerous mission to find out what made her the way she is.
The last half of this film is THRILLING! Fans of Whedon know that he's got a knack for making REALLY exciting drama with limited means, as he did on Buffy, Angel, and Firefly. Here he's got a bigger canvas (although the budget was likely modest by sci-fi standards), and there are fabulous action set pieces. And every character gets a moment or two that are just perfect. My favorite moment had to be Kaylee's big line before the battle!
And a couple twists are very shocking, although Joss would be well served not to kill off characters quite so frequently if this becomes an ongoing franchise.This movie left me more completely jazzed and satisfied than even Revenge Of The Sith. I find it unfathomable that ANY fan of Firefly could not love this film.
10/10
INTO THE BLUE
This film marks the first time ever where you could probably sue a camera for sexual harassment. It is SHAMELESS the way the camera focuses in on Jessica Alba's ass. I of course would like to send a big thank you note to the director of this film for that, but I won't. I won't because this director is also responsible for one of the lamest thrillers in a long time, a film so putrid that not even my lovely Jessica could save it.
The sunken treasure/cocaine/drug lord storyline is completely ridiculous and boring. Worst of all is the film is played completely straight. The film has no sense of humor about itself. Adding a little self-mockery would've made this movie so much more appealing. Instead I was bored out of my mind, except of course for the moments when I could oogle my future wife Jess! (plus I think all the water was why I had to go the bathroom REAL bad for the 2nd half of the film!!)
Jessica's ok in the movie, but she was better in Sin City and Fantastic Four. Just looking at her was worth the 8 bucks though. Paul Walker has some appeal, but here he's a himbo. Ashley Scott is hot too, but she's irritating. And Scott Caan is absolutely insufferable, which come to think of it is what he's been like in every film he's ever done. I think we need to propose a BAN on Scott Caan ever being in a movie again.
4/10 (ALL for my Jessica!)
10/8/05
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
Ugh! This film was SO close to being really great! The set-up is superb, establishing Viggo Mortensen as this average Joe family man. Then the 2nd act is intriguing, as Ed Harris rolls in and delivers one of the creepiest villain performances in recent memory. But then we start to get answers to what's all going on, and the film loses a lot of steam. The film also slows to a crawl, as William Hurt shows up and talks very slowly. I totally get the comparisons to David Lynch here. Viggo is very good. This is the first time I've really ever thought of him as worth the attention. And Maria Bello is terrific again, as good as she was in The Cooler, which nabbed her an Oscar nod.
WAITING
I went in with pretty low expectations for this comedy, but I enjoyed this almost as much as Office Space (though not nearly as much as Clerks). I don't work in a restaurant, but I relate to a lot of the stuff going on in this movie. The Justin Long character is basically ME! Ryan Reynolds stars and he's really one of the funniest guys in the movies right now. He carries this movie. Almost all the characters, while being largely one-note, are pretty fun. There's this guy who looks like Napoleon Dynamite, and never speaks until he finally blows up at the end. Emmanuelle Chriqui again is a mean lesbian. Anna Faris continues to look like Britney Spears's long lost sister. The underage hostess is friggin ridiculousy hot! I also really liked the pissed off girl. The movie is sloppy, as these kinds of flicks always are, but it's one of the funnier movies I've seen this year.
Ugh! This film was SO close to being really great! The set-up is superb, establishing Viggo Mortensen as this average Joe family man. Then the 2nd act is intriguing, as Ed Harris rolls in and delivers one of the creepiest villain performances in recent memory. But then we start to get answers to what's all going on, and the film loses a lot of steam. The film also slows to a crawl, as William Hurt shows up and talks very slowly. I totally get the comparisons to David Lynch here. Viggo is very good. This is the first time I've really ever thought of him as worth the attention. And Maria Bello is terrific again, as good as she was in The Cooler, which nabbed her an Oscar nod.
WAITING
I went in with pretty low expectations for this comedy, but I enjoyed this almost as much as Office Space (though not nearly as much as Clerks). I don't work in a restaurant, but I relate to a lot of the stuff going on in this movie. The Justin Long character is basically ME! Ryan Reynolds stars and he's really one of the funniest guys in the movies right now. He carries this movie. Almost all the characters, while being largely one-note, are pretty fun. There's this guy who looks like Napoleon Dynamite, and never speaks until he finally blows up at the end. Emmanuelle Chriqui again is a mean lesbian. Anna Faris continues to look like Britney Spears's long lost sister. The underage hostess is friggin ridiculousy hot! I also really liked the pissed off girl. The movie is sloppy, as these kinds of flicks always are, but it's one of the funnier movies I've seen this year.
(small screen)
BEAUTY SHOP
Basically this is exactly like the 2nd Barbershop. It's easy going, but completely inconsequential. The lineup of hot actresses on display cannot be ignored though. Mena Suvari, Golden Brooks, Keisha Knight Pulliam (YES! Rudy Huxtable has grown up to be a TEN!) and Alicia Silverstone! Alicia is my Wally Pipp. She was my favorite actress until Natalie came along, making her the answer to a trivia question. She's cute and funny in this movie though. I haven't liked her this much since Clueless. Queen Latifah is good here too. I enjoyed the movie, but it's instantly forgettable, and I think the "..shop" franchise can be put to rest.
THE SLEEPING DICTIONARY
Jessica Alba made this movie in between Dark Angel and Honey, but it never got a real release. It's not hard to see why really. Jess is this tribal girl who falls for an englishman (Hugh Dancy...the most feminine sounding name I've ever heard for a guy), but oh no! Customs and law forbid them from being together! The movie is totally implausible. The setup has Jessica being given to Hugh as someone who will live as his wife, performing all "wifely duties", and he refuses her at first! Ok, there's religious beliefs involved, but I'd glady burn in hell for THAT!
But they fall in love, and Jessica (and her obvious body double...D'OH!) boffs prissy boy. The film actually becomes ok after a while, and Jessica is stunning as ever (and actually gives a pretty good performance too), but it also gets annoyingly conventional. Basically, this film is strictly for Jessica completists.
BEAUTY SHOP
Basically this is exactly like the 2nd Barbershop. It's easy going, but completely inconsequential. The lineup of hot actresses on display cannot be ignored though. Mena Suvari, Golden Brooks, Keisha Knight Pulliam (YES! Rudy Huxtable has grown up to be a TEN!) and Alicia Silverstone! Alicia is my Wally Pipp. She was my favorite actress until Natalie came along, making her the answer to a trivia question. She's cute and funny in this movie though. I haven't liked her this much since Clueless. Queen Latifah is good here too. I enjoyed the movie, but it's instantly forgettable, and I think the "..shop" franchise can be put to rest.
THE SLEEPING DICTIONARY
Jessica Alba made this movie in between Dark Angel and Honey, but it never got a real release. It's not hard to see why really. Jess is this tribal girl who falls for an englishman (Hugh Dancy...the most feminine sounding name I've ever heard for a guy), but oh no! Customs and law forbid them from being together! The movie is totally implausible. The setup has Jessica being given to Hugh as someone who will live as his wife, performing all "wifely duties", and he refuses her at first! Ok, there's religious beliefs involved, but I'd glady burn in hell for THAT!
But they fall in love, and Jessica (and her obvious body double...D'OH!) boffs prissy boy. The film actually becomes ok after a while, and Jessica is stunning as ever (and actually gives a pretty good performance too), but it also gets annoyingly conventional. Basically, this film is strictly for Jessica completists.
8/16/05
Well, I'll certainly say this for Tony Scott's Domino: it's not a film one can fail to have opinions about. If I may do a rare quoting of another review, this film was called "Natural Born Killers' younger and more insufferable cousin." I'd say that pretty much covers it. This film is one of the most frenetic pieces of cinema I've ever seen. Scott brings the same speed freak editing to this film that he did to last year's Man On Fire.
Now, I hated Man On Fire for that very editing style. I did not mind it as much here, since it's a better fit for the kind of film it is. But Domino still ranks as one of the year's more incoherent films.
Keira Knightley's Domino was a child of an actor, then a model, then a stuck up sorority sister, and finally a bounty hunter. That's a cool story, but surprisingly Richard Kelly (who wrote & directed Donnie Darko, one of the rare cult classics that lives up to the hype) makes a mess of it with his screenplay, which is like one of those Tarantino-wannabe efforts that completely misses why QT is such a genius.
Domino was a real person, and the film purports to be based on her true story, but LOTS of material is brought in here, and most of it is a complete mismatch. There's Domino joining up with Mickey Rourke's bounty hunter team. There's this whole story about a DMV worker forging ID's. There's a reality TV show following Domino and co. around. There's an interlude in the desert that's one of the single worst stretches in any film all year. There's Lucy Liu interrogating Domino. And there's about 90 other things going on.
The film's timeline is bizarre. It's seemingly set in present day, even though Domino would've gone through some of this long earlier. But the references are all to things way past their relevance exploration date. ALF?? Jerry Springer?? 90210??
Speaking of 90210, that reality show gets hosted by Brian Austin Green and Ian Ziering. Now, this part of the film I liked a lot. I really enjoy the randomness of having them not only cameo, but play major roles in the film. That sounds like something I would write into a film. Too bad Luke Perry didn't get punched in the nose though.
Keira obviously has a lot of fans here, and she's been rising in my ranks as well. She's fun in this role, playing against type, but she is not believeable for one second in it either. I won't get into her needing a butt double, yet having no trouble disrobing for one of the most gratuitous sex scenes ever!
Mickey Rourke is my hero forever due to Sin City, and he's the epitomie of badass here too. The spanish guy is a bore though.
Christopher Walken is well into his nutso element here. Delroy Lindo is one of my favorite actors, and he has a good part here. My god, I even kinda thought Macy Gray was alright in her small role.
The parts are there for a classic film, but it's way too much of a mess. Or maybe the nonstop shots of a freakin goldfish had a purpose!
5/10
Now, I hated Man On Fire for that very editing style. I did not mind it as much here, since it's a better fit for the kind of film it is. But Domino still ranks as one of the year's more incoherent films.
Keira Knightley's Domino was a child of an actor, then a model, then a stuck up sorority sister, and finally a bounty hunter. That's a cool story, but surprisingly Richard Kelly (who wrote & directed Donnie Darko, one of the rare cult classics that lives up to the hype) makes a mess of it with his screenplay, which is like one of those Tarantino-wannabe efforts that completely misses why QT is such a genius.
Domino was a real person, and the film purports to be based on her true story, but LOTS of material is brought in here, and most of it is a complete mismatch. There's Domino joining up with Mickey Rourke's bounty hunter team. There's this whole story about a DMV worker forging ID's. There's a reality TV show following Domino and co. around. There's an interlude in the desert that's one of the single worst stretches in any film all year. There's Lucy Liu interrogating Domino. And there's about 90 other things going on.
The film's timeline is bizarre. It's seemingly set in present day, even though Domino would've gone through some of this long earlier. But the references are all to things way past their relevance exploration date. ALF?? Jerry Springer?? 90210??
Speaking of 90210, that reality show gets hosted by Brian Austin Green and Ian Ziering. Now, this part of the film I liked a lot. I really enjoy the randomness of having them not only cameo, but play major roles in the film. That sounds like something I would write into a film. Too bad Luke Perry didn't get punched in the nose though.
Keira obviously has a lot of fans here, and she's been rising in my ranks as well. She's fun in this role, playing against type, but she is not believeable for one second in it either. I won't get into her needing a butt double, yet having no trouble disrobing for one of the most gratuitous sex scenes ever!
Mickey Rourke is my hero forever due to Sin City, and he's the epitomie of badass here too. The spanish guy is a bore though.
Christopher Walken is well into his nutso element here. Delroy Lindo is one of my favorite actors, and he has a good part here. My god, I even kinda thought Macy Gray was alright in her small role.
The parts are there for a classic film, but it's way too much of a mess. Or maybe the nonstop shots of a freakin goldfish had a purpose!
5/10
10/26/05
ELIZABETHTOWN
This one's getting a bum rap. I thought this film was really pretty good, albeit with another large bit of confirmation that Orlando Bloom is just not a good actor. He's not even a bad actor. He's not even an actor.
But I digress. This film works because it is a warm, extremely likable film, with another of those impeccably spunky and cute performances by Kirsten Dunst. She continues to look like an ugly rat, but she continues to be enchanting on screen. She carries the romance in the film.
The other main storyline, dealing with the death of Bloom's dad, has some very good moments. Susan Sarandon's role seems awfully small most of the way, but I thought the one big scene she got was just terrific. Alec Baldwin was also good in his small part. Jessica Biel's role was kind of a throwaway. The music is of course excellent, given Crowe's track record (no pun intended). It's a good film.
THE BALLAD OF JACK AND ROSE
I basically just stared at Camilla Belle the whole film. My god is she pretty! Anyway, the film is sloppy, but I thought the relationship between Belle and Daniel Day-Lewis as her father was fresh and interesting. I didn't hate Catherine Keener for once. I'd have gone all the way with that ending. I thought the one chosen was a copout.
This one's getting a bum rap. I thought this film was really pretty good, albeit with another large bit of confirmation that Orlando Bloom is just not a good actor. He's not even a bad actor. He's not even an actor.
But I digress. This film works because it is a warm, extremely likable film, with another of those impeccably spunky and cute performances by Kirsten Dunst. She continues to look like an ugly rat, but she continues to be enchanting on screen. She carries the romance in the film.
The other main storyline, dealing with the death of Bloom's dad, has some very good moments. Susan Sarandon's role seems awfully small most of the way, but I thought the one big scene she got was just terrific. Alec Baldwin was also good in his small part. Jessica Biel's role was kind of a throwaway. The music is of course excellent, given Crowe's track record (no pun intended). It's a good film.
THE BALLAD OF JACK AND ROSE
I basically just stared at Camilla Belle the whole film. My god is she pretty! Anyway, the film is sloppy, but I thought the relationship between Belle and Daniel Day-Lewis as her father was fresh and interesting. I didn't hate Catherine Keener for once. I'd have gone all the way with that ending. I thought the one chosen was a copout.
10/28/05
NORTH COUNTRY
Oh yes, people. Charlize Theron is the real deal! This film proves it and she could walk away with another Oscar because of it. The film deals very frankly with sexual harassment at a northern Minnesota mine. The film's male characters are all SUCH misogynistic pigs that you almost gotta wonder if the film's stacking the deck, but fact is I don't know for sure. But along with Theron (a LOCK for at least an Oscar nomination), there's top quality work from Frances McDormand, Woody Harrelson, Sean Bean (see, he CAN be a nice guy) and Richard Jenkins as Theron's dad. I dare you to not get emotional during the scene where he stands up for her at the union rally. I DARE you!
7/10
THE WEATHER MAN
What a disappointment! I'd looked forward to this since I began seeing the trailer late last year. It looked like a smart, sharp comic-drama, like maybe something along the lines of an Amerian Beauty. Uh...NO! This is the most dreary film of the year. I think it's supposed to be a quirky comedy, but director Gore Verbinski (who gets major gigs but is just not that good) never gets the tone right, which KILLS any dark comedy. The film is hugely boring for stretches, and most attempts at offbeat humor fail. It is also needlessly crude in a lot of places. There are some funny parts, but not too many, and there are some good scenes here and there, but the film is just a mess really. Nic Cage is solid as always, and Michael Caine is terrific. I could do w/o ever seeing Hope Davis reprising her shrill bitch routine again though. This film just fails.
4/10
ICE PRINCESS
Why do I watch a lot of these teen girl-targeted films, like the ouevre of Hilary Duff & Lindsay Lohan? Well..shhhh...don't tell anybody, but a lot of these movies are pretty well made and enjoyable. This one is too, even though I could give a rip about figure skating. Michelle Trachtenberg is immensely appealing in the lead. Hayden Panatierre...yes, the little girl from Remember The Titans...has grown into quite the cute thang. (I'm going to jail!) The characters in the film are actually pretty non-cliched, except for the Joan Cusack character.
6/10
MONSTER-IN-LAW
Yeesh! When will the parade of bad Jennifer Lopez films stop? This colossal dud (which was somehow a big hit) goes right down there with Maid In Manhattan and Gigli. This film dies so fast it is remarkable. The romance betwen J Lo and Michael Vartan (who showed more spark as a corpse on Alias) is completely boring. All the little cat fighting crap between J Lo and Jane Fonda is stupid and not even a little funny. Fonda's eventual turn is not just predictable, but unconvincing. The only bright spot here is Wanda Sykes, who wiseasses her way into a few laughs.
2/10
THE EYE 2
I LOVED The Eye. I think it's the best of all these Asian horror flicks. This sequel really does not have anything to do with the original, and it also has nothing at all to do with anyone's eye. So aside from that though, I thought this too was a damn solid horror flick, with a couple legit scares and a penchant for being really f'n disturbing in a few scenes. And the film stars the beautiful Shu Qi from The Transporter. It's a grueling performance from her.
7/10
THE BROWN BUNNY
Ok, I'll admit. This film bored the shit out of me, so I just fast-forwarded to that infamous scene of Chloe Sevigny. I can't wait to someday be an ugly, pretentious indie film director, so I can coerce a naive actress into fellating me under the guise of art.
0/10
Oh yes, people. Charlize Theron is the real deal! This film proves it and she could walk away with another Oscar because of it. The film deals very frankly with sexual harassment at a northern Minnesota mine. The film's male characters are all SUCH misogynistic pigs that you almost gotta wonder if the film's stacking the deck, but fact is I don't know for sure. But along with Theron (a LOCK for at least an Oscar nomination), there's top quality work from Frances McDormand, Woody Harrelson, Sean Bean (see, he CAN be a nice guy) and Richard Jenkins as Theron's dad. I dare you to not get emotional during the scene where he stands up for her at the union rally. I DARE you!
7/10
THE WEATHER MAN
What a disappointment! I'd looked forward to this since I began seeing the trailer late last year. It looked like a smart, sharp comic-drama, like maybe something along the lines of an Amerian Beauty. Uh...NO! This is the most dreary film of the year. I think it's supposed to be a quirky comedy, but director Gore Verbinski (who gets major gigs but is just not that good) never gets the tone right, which KILLS any dark comedy. The film is hugely boring for stretches, and most attempts at offbeat humor fail. It is also needlessly crude in a lot of places. There are some funny parts, but not too many, and there are some good scenes here and there, but the film is just a mess really. Nic Cage is solid as always, and Michael Caine is terrific. I could do w/o ever seeing Hope Davis reprising her shrill bitch routine again though. This film just fails.
4/10
ICE PRINCESS
Why do I watch a lot of these teen girl-targeted films, like the ouevre of Hilary Duff & Lindsay Lohan? Well..shhhh...don't tell anybody, but a lot of these movies are pretty well made and enjoyable. This one is too, even though I could give a rip about figure skating. Michelle Trachtenberg is immensely appealing in the lead. Hayden Panatierre...yes, the little girl from Remember The Titans...has grown into quite the cute thang. (I'm going to jail!) The characters in the film are actually pretty non-cliched, except for the Joan Cusack character.
6/10
MONSTER-IN-LAW
Yeesh! When will the parade of bad Jennifer Lopez films stop? This colossal dud (which was somehow a big hit) goes right down there with Maid In Manhattan and Gigli. This film dies so fast it is remarkable. The romance betwen J Lo and Michael Vartan (who showed more spark as a corpse on Alias) is completely boring. All the little cat fighting crap between J Lo and Jane Fonda is stupid and not even a little funny. Fonda's eventual turn is not just predictable, but unconvincing. The only bright spot here is Wanda Sykes, who wiseasses her way into a few laughs.
2/10
THE EYE 2
I LOVED The Eye. I think it's the best of all these Asian horror flicks. This sequel really does not have anything to do with the original, and it also has nothing at all to do with anyone's eye. So aside from that though, I thought this too was a damn solid horror flick, with a couple legit scares and a penchant for being really f'n disturbing in a few scenes. And the film stars the beautiful Shu Qi from The Transporter. It's a grueling performance from her.
7/10
THE BROWN BUNNY
Ok, I'll admit. This film bored the shit out of me, so I just fast-forwarded to that infamous scene of Chloe Sevigny. I can't wait to someday be an ugly, pretentious indie film director, so I can coerce a naive actress into fellating me under the guise of art.
0/10
11/3/05
In keeping with the tradition of horror sequels, Saw 2 is pretty dreadful. Saw 1 was kind of a sadism stunt of a movie, but it had balls. Saw 2 doesn't really have balls. It is gory and brutal, but it telegraphs everything, and really does not go far enough in my opinion.
Then there's the small problem known as the plot. The Jigsaw Killer is nabbed, and then Donnie Wahlberg discovers another batch of victims being held captive. In that captive room (actually this time more a full blown house), Saw 2 has some interest. But like Saw 1, the police stuff is tedious to say the least. I did not care at all.
I liked some of the kills. One guy gets a spiked club to the head. One girl gets her wrists trapped in a very bad position. And there's a bit with a pit full of syringes that's pretty harsh. But the deaths aren't that good mostly. We see someone burn alive, but the filmmakers don't really show it. One character just convulses and dies. And why one character goes on a killing spree makes no sense.
Saw 2 is totally without suspense. Frenzied jump cuts (and badly done even at that) are not scary. Overacting is not scary (give the top prize to 7th Heaven's Beverley Mitchell, cast as a girl who'd spent time in prison...uh, RIGHT!). Hideously poor dialogue is not scary. There are a few twists at the end which are moderately interesting, and lead predictably into Saw 3.
Can't wait!
3/10
Then there's the small problem known as the plot. The Jigsaw Killer is nabbed, and then Donnie Wahlberg discovers another batch of victims being held captive. In that captive room (actually this time more a full blown house), Saw 2 has some interest. But like Saw 1, the police stuff is tedious to say the least. I did not care at all.
I liked some of the kills. One guy gets a spiked club to the head. One girl gets her wrists trapped in a very bad position. And there's a bit with a pit full of syringes that's pretty harsh. But the deaths aren't that good mostly. We see someone burn alive, but the filmmakers don't really show it. One character just convulses and dies. And why one character goes on a killing spree makes no sense.
Saw 2 is totally without suspense. Frenzied jump cuts (and badly done even at that) are not scary. Overacting is not scary (give the top prize to 7th Heaven's Beverley Mitchell, cast as a girl who'd spent time in prison...uh, RIGHT!). Hideously poor dialogue is not scary. There are a few twists at the end which are moderately interesting, and lead predictably into Saw 3.
Can't wait!
3/10
11/6/05
Jarhead is a very peculiar film. The trailer made it look a lot like Three Kings, only with pehaps an even more cynical edge. The film is actually one crazy mess. The first half of the film is at times riotously funny. I probably laughed more at this film than in a lot of this year's comedies. But then the tone shifts abruptly to more serious material, which is very jarring and discomforting. I think that's kind of the idea director Sam Mendes was going for. But the film falls short of greatness since the drama of the story is not as well done as one might hope.
Jake Gyllenhaal is excellent in this, his biggest lead role to date. Jamie Foxx is effortless in this, his first REAL role since his Oscar triumph. Peter Sarsgaard impresses again as well.
The film is strangely non-political, except for right at the end. But despite its flaws, Jarhead shoots for greatness and comes very close.
7/10
WHERE THE TRUTH LIES
What if Beyond The Sea had been made as a murder mystery? That's the quick sell of this film, a stylishly shot old-fashioned film noir, about a pair of Rat Pack-style entertainers who may or may not have had something to do with the death of a young girl. Kevin Bacon and Colin Firth do a real good job of each giving fresh performances. I've never seen either of them in these types of roles. *I* saw this film because it also stars the fabulous Alison Lohman, who here plays a go-getting young journalist. Alison's very good here, although, uh, wowza, I was not expecting to see Alison do some of the things she does in this film! Hard to believe this is the same little innocent from Matchstick Men! I was not overly immersed in the mystery here though. I liked the ending and how it comes together, but up until then I was not exactly on pins and needles awaiting a resolution.
6/10
Jake Gyllenhaal is excellent in this, his biggest lead role to date. Jamie Foxx is effortless in this, his first REAL role since his Oscar triumph. Peter Sarsgaard impresses again as well.
The film is strangely non-political, except for right at the end. But despite its flaws, Jarhead shoots for greatness and comes very close.
7/10
WHERE THE TRUTH LIES
What if Beyond The Sea had been made as a murder mystery? That's the quick sell of this film, a stylishly shot old-fashioned film noir, about a pair of Rat Pack-style entertainers who may or may not have had something to do with the death of a young girl. Kevin Bacon and Colin Firth do a real good job of each giving fresh performances. I've never seen either of them in these types of roles. *I* saw this film because it also stars the fabulous Alison Lohman, who here plays a go-getting young journalist. Alison's very good here, although, uh, wowza, I was not expecting to see Alison do some of the things she does in this film! Hard to believe this is the same little innocent from Matchstick Men! I was not overly immersed in the mystery here though. I liked the ending and how it comes together, but up until then I was not exactly on pins and needles awaiting a resolution.
6/10
11/15/05
GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN
The idea here was obviously to replicate basically everything about 8 Mile. You've got the rap star (50 Cent) making his acting debut in a film based loosely on his life, and with a strangely mature choice for director (here it is In America's Jim Sheridan).
8 Mile, save for the fantastic (albeit poorly judged) rap finale, was hugely overrated. Remember when people were touting Eminem for Best Actor? Get Rich Or Die Tryin is less about rapping, but it's actually a pretty damn good gangster movie.
It's largely familiar territory, but it's well told, and there are parts that directly mirror 50's life. Yes, he gets shot and I counted the number of bullets as they were being fired. And yes, he gets one in the teeth. I'm sure some of this stuff was totally fictional. Otherwise 50 would be serving 25 with an L. But Sheridan tells the tale well, except for a concert finale that is poorly staged.
I'm not gonna say 50 has real acting promise. His lack of emotion is necessary here, but his passiveness is often too much. But he's got charisma. The co-stars carry it. My future wife Joy Bryant plays his girlfriend and she's never been better. Terrence Howard excells in a small role. For all his Hustle & Flow hype, I still like him more in supporting parts. And the guy from Lost whose name I couldn't spell with a gun at my head is very good as well.
And of course the soundtrack is killer. I expect to be bumpin it any day now.
THE LONGEST YARD
Oh GOD! You know, I thought this looked bad, but it was worse than expected. This is by FAR the worst movie Adam Sandler has ever done. This thing is DOA from minute one. I've never seen the original, so I don't know if the plots are exactly the same, but the thing here that really bugged me was how there was absolutely NOTHING at stake in the requisite big game. They kinda invent a complication at halftime, but it doesn't make the game matter. The movie is a weird mix of comedy and drama, but it's shot too crudely to work as a drama. Sandler is at his most disinterested, which is a real setback after his solid dramedy work in Spanglish. Chris Rock generates the one laugh in the movie, saying a guy has "slave feet", but it's sad to see him stumble through the crummy jokes he gets. There's a lot of football players in the film, like Michael Irvin and Bill Romanowski, and this is about the 500th straight sports movie to have a Chris Berman cameo. To say the least, The Waterboy is a MUCH better Sandler football movie.
8 Mile, save for the fantastic (albeit poorly judged) rap finale, was hugely overrated. Remember when people were touting Eminem for Best Actor? Get Rich Or Die Tryin is less about rapping, but it's actually a pretty damn good gangster movie.
It's largely familiar territory, but it's well told, and there are parts that directly mirror 50's life. Yes, he gets shot and I counted the number of bullets as they were being fired. And yes, he gets one in the teeth. I'm sure some of this stuff was totally fictional. Otherwise 50 would be serving 25 with an L. But Sheridan tells the tale well, except for a concert finale that is poorly staged.
I'm not gonna say 50 has real acting promise. His lack of emotion is necessary here, but his passiveness is often too much. But he's got charisma. The co-stars carry it. My future wife Joy Bryant plays his girlfriend and she's never been better. Terrence Howard excells in a small role. For all his Hustle & Flow hype, I still like him more in supporting parts. And the guy from Lost whose name I couldn't spell with a gun at my head is very good as well.
And of course the soundtrack is killer. I expect to be bumpin it any day now.
THE LONGEST YARD
Oh GOD! You know, I thought this looked bad, but it was worse than expected. This is by FAR the worst movie Adam Sandler has ever done. This thing is DOA from minute one. I've never seen the original, so I don't know if the plots are exactly the same, but the thing here that really bugged me was how there was absolutely NOTHING at stake in the requisite big game. They kinda invent a complication at halftime, but it doesn't make the game matter. The movie is a weird mix of comedy and drama, but it's shot too crudely to work as a drama. Sandler is at his most disinterested, which is a real setback after his solid dramedy work in Spanglish. Chris Rock generates the one laugh in the movie, saying a guy has "slave feet", but it's sad to see him stumble through the crummy jokes he gets. There's a lot of football players in the film, like Michael Irvin and Bill Romanowski, and this is about the 500th straight sports movie to have a Chris Berman cameo. To say the least, The Waterboy is a MUCH better Sandler football movie.
11/22/05
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
The reviews say this is the best one yet (which is what they said the last time...and the time before that...). I'd say it's quite the opposite. I've found the series so far to be solid each time out but nothing more. It's not Star Wars. It's not even Lord Of The Rings. Supposedly Goblet Of Fire was such a big book that they considered splitting it into 2 movies, and they maybe should've, cause as it is this film fely very incomplete to me. It hops awkwardly between some of the dark material explored in the last film, and a bunch of lame stuff involving a school dance. And somehow a whole school year passes during the film. I liked some stuff. The "Triwizard tournament" stuff is cool. Brendan Gleeson is a hoot. But I was left pretty unimpressed mostly.
5/10
WALK THE LINE
This year's Ray, I guess, but not as good. This Johnny Cash biopic is pretty standard stuff. Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon should both get Oscar nominations. But this film doesn't leap off the screen like Ray did.
6/10
The reviews say this is the best one yet (which is what they said the last time...and the time before that...). I'd say it's quite the opposite. I've found the series so far to be solid each time out but nothing more. It's not Star Wars. It's not even Lord Of The Rings. Supposedly Goblet Of Fire was such a big book that they considered splitting it into 2 movies, and they maybe should've, cause as it is this film fely very incomplete to me. It hops awkwardly between some of the dark material explored in the last film, and a bunch of lame stuff involving a school dance. And somehow a whole school year passes during the film. I liked some stuff. The "Triwizard tournament" stuff is cool. Brendan Gleeson is a hoot. But I was left pretty unimpressed mostly.
5/10
WALK THE LINE
This year's Ray, I guess, but not as good. This Johnny Cash biopic is pretty standard stuff. Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon should both get Oscar nominations. But this film doesn't leap off the screen like Ray did.
6/10
11/26/05
JUST FRIENDS
My god this movie is relatable for me, almost TOO much. I loved the idea at the center of the movie, that if a sweet guy turns into a prick he'll get more women (TRUE). The movie is a bit messy though and it kinda gets lost. I wish the movie had been meaner and more cynical too. But the movie is definitely one of the year's funniest. Ryan Reynolds is really becoming one of my favorites. Amy Smart is the prototypical dream girl. Chris Klein is extremely believeable as a piece of shit. And Anna Faris almost made me fall out of my seat, she's so funny playing a dimwitted pop star. In Lost In Translation she was supposedly ripping on Cameron Diaz. Here it seems to be Ashlee Simpson. I know she's got the Scary Movie franchise, but let's give the girl her own starring role.
KUNG FU HUSTLE
Just a crazy, fun movie. Much as I loved the Hero/Crouching Tiger/Flying Daggers films of recent years, it's nice seeing a martial arts movie that doesn't take itself seriously. And this one sure doesn't. It is just loopy, and wildly inventive. There's a couple showstopping fight scenes here, one that totally trounces the famed "burly brawl" from Matrix Reloaded.
RENT
Critics are bashing it, but this is almost as good as Chicago. Chris Columbus is probably not a very good director, but he did do a solid job here. It doesn't become too softened. The look of the film works. I didn't love ALL the music (one performance art-style number drove me nuts), but when this film gets going it hits heights almost no other film this year has hit! This usually happenes when my dazzling future wife Rosario Dawson is on screen. She's unreal! And even when she's strung out she looks amazing! The other stage-to-screen actors are solid to very good. Taye Diggs is kind of a bore. This is a tremendous film though and it's getting a totally bum rap.
LAND OF THE DEAD
Yeesh! One of the year's worst movies. Just another tedious zombie movie. George Romero directed Night Of The Living Dead, forever the peak of the genre, but this has absolutely none of thet film's scariness or style. We don't even get a good campy Dennis Hopper, and why cast the crazy hot Asia Argento if you're not even gonna have her do anything cool? There are a couple decent gore moments, but way too few.
My god this movie is relatable for me, almost TOO much. I loved the idea at the center of the movie, that if a sweet guy turns into a prick he'll get more women (TRUE). The movie is a bit messy though and it kinda gets lost. I wish the movie had been meaner and more cynical too. But the movie is definitely one of the year's funniest. Ryan Reynolds is really becoming one of my favorites. Amy Smart is the prototypical dream girl. Chris Klein is extremely believeable as a piece of shit. And Anna Faris almost made me fall out of my seat, she's so funny playing a dimwitted pop star. In Lost In Translation she was supposedly ripping on Cameron Diaz. Here it seems to be Ashlee Simpson. I know she's got the Scary Movie franchise, but let's give the girl her own starring role.
KUNG FU HUSTLE
Just a crazy, fun movie. Much as I loved the Hero/Crouching Tiger/Flying Daggers films of recent years, it's nice seeing a martial arts movie that doesn't take itself seriously. And this one sure doesn't. It is just loopy, and wildly inventive. There's a couple showstopping fight scenes here, one that totally trounces the famed "burly brawl" from Matrix Reloaded.
RENT
Critics are bashing it, but this is almost as good as Chicago. Chris Columbus is probably not a very good director, but he did do a solid job here. It doesn't become too softened. The look of the film works. I didn't love ALL the music (one performance art-style number drove me nuts), but when this film gets going it hits heights almost no other film this year has hit! This usually happenes when my dazzling future wife Rosario Dawson is on screen. She's unreal! And even when she's strung out she looks amazing! The other stage-to-screen actors are solid to very good. Taye Diggs is kind of a bore. This is a tremendous film though and it's getting a totally bum rap.
LAND OF THE DEAD
Yeesh! One of the year's worst movies. Just another tedious zombie movie. George Romero directed Night Of The Living Dead, forever the peak of the genre, but this has absolutely none of thet film's scariness or style. We don't even get a good campy Dennis Hopper, and why cast the crazy hot Asia Argento if you're not even gonna have her do anything cool? There are a couple decent gore moments, but way too few.
12/6/05
AEON FLUX
I'm not sure a film has EVER gone so far based solely on its look.
Aeon Flux has one of the great production designs in any film in some time. The sets are great and creative, the fx are neat, and Charlize Theron is just jaw-droppingly hot in this thing. All these things do quite an expert job of distracting you from what a jumbled, weak story it has.
It is the future, 99% of the world has been killed off by a virus, and all that's left of society lives confined into this sealed-off bubble. Charlize's Aeon is part of a rebel group that hates the controlling way of the government. Her job is to kill the leader, but he's apparently real smooth with the ladies, and so things change.
The story is a retread of many other sci-fi flicks. There really are not any interesting characters, although some are played by Oscar nominees and winners. With Charlize joined by Frances McDormand, Sophie Okonedo and Pete Postlethwaite, this is one of the year's most prestigious casts oddly enough. Charlize plays it straight, TOO straight.
The strong look of the film is accompanied by a really impressive job by director Karyn Kusama of shooting the action. Considering her only feature before this was the low-budgeted Girlfight, it is rather stunning how well done the action is. She really knows how to cut this stuff. I'd LOVE to see her get another chance in this genre. Given a story to work with, she could churn out a real classic.
6/10
SYRIANA
I'd love to praise the hell out of this film. It is smart, well acted and well made. But I really found the thing terribly hard to follow, moreso than any film in some time. Stylistically this film is basically a sequel to Traffic, but that film flowed. This film doesn't flow so much. It's TOO quick probably. I actually was able to piece a couple things together at the end. I was unable to figure out exactly what the Jeffrey Wright character did at the end, or why George Clooney did what he did. The most interesting storyline has a couple Arab men being fired from a job paid for by America, who then join a radical Muslim group. I'm sure the conservative nazis will love seeing them portrayed as rather sympathatic. The film is certainly worth seeing, probably twice to figure it all out.
6/10
HERBIE: FULLY LOADED
Well I wasn't exactly expectng a classic. Lindsay Lohan is yummy here (this obviously was shot before she went on her anorexic binge), but that's it. This is one of those kids movies that has no appeal if you're older than about 6. The other characters are irritating (you know Matt Dillon hated seeing this released after he did such great work in Crash). The soundtrack is hideously cheesy (it almost made me walk out...and I was at HOME!!!). And the car is annoying. Boo Herbie! You suck!
3/10
Aeon Flux has one of the great production designs in any film in some time. The sets are great and creative, the fx are neat, and Charlize Theron is just jaw-droppingly hot in this thing. All these things do quite an expert job of distracting you from what a jumbled, weak story it has.
It is the future, 99% of the world has been killed off by a virus, and all that's left of society lives confined into this sealed-off bubble. Charlize's Aeon is part of a rebel group that hates the controlling way of the government. Her job is to kill the leader, but he's apparently real smooth with the ladies, and so things change.
The story is a retread of many other sci-fi flicks. There really are not any interesting characters, although some are played by Oscar nominees and winners. With Charlize joined by Frances McDormand, Sophie Okonedo and Pete Postlethwaite, this is one of the year's most prestigious casts oddly enough. Charlize plays it straight, TOO straight.
The strong look of the film is accompanied by a really impressive job by director Karyn Kusama of shooting the action. Considering her only feature before this was the low-budgeted Girlfight, it is rather stunning how well done the action is. She really knows how to cut this stuff. I'd LOVE to see her get another chance in this genre. Given a story to work with, she could churn out a real classic.
6/10
SYRIANA
I'd love to praise the hell out of this film. It is smart, well acted and well made. But I really found the thing terribly hard to follow, moreso than any film in some time. Stylistically this film is basically a sequel to Traffic, but that film flowed. This film doesn't flow so much. It's TOO quick probably. I actually was able to piece a couple things together at the end. I was unable to figure out exactly what the Jeffrey Wright character did at the end, or why George Clooney did what he did. The most interesting storyline has a couple Arab men being fired from a job paid for by America, who then join a radical Muslim group. I'm sure the conservative nazis will love seeing them portrayed as rather sympathatic. The film is certainly worth seeing, probably twice to figure it all out.
6/10
HERBIE: FULLY LOADED
Well I wasn't exactly expectng a classic. Lindsay Lohan is yummy here (this obviously was shot before she went on her anorexic binge), but that's it. This is one of those kids movies that has no appeal if you're older than about 6. The other characters are irritating (you know Matt Dillon hated seeing this released after he did such great work in Crash). The soundtrack is hideously cheesy (it almost made me walk out...and I was at HOME!!!). And the car is annoying. Boo Herbie! You suck!
3/10
12/14/05
GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATIONS
BEST PICTURE, DRAMA
Brokeback Mountain
The Constant Gardener
Good Night and Good Luck
A History Of Violence
Match Point
I've only seen 2 of these so far (CG and HoV) and CG was by far the better film. I eagerly await both BM and MP. Either could supplant CG as my pick here.
BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA
Maria Bello-A History Of Violence
Felicity Huffman-Transamerica
Gwyneth Paltrow-Proof
Charlize Theron-North Country
Ziyi Zhang-Memoirs Of A Geisha
Gwyneth stinks and I haven't seen Huffman. I adore Ziyi, but for her first english role I doubt its too stellar. Bello was indeed very good, but Charlize was amazingly strong and powerful here. I really hope the film's box office failure doesn't hurt her chances.
BEST ACTOR, DRAMA
Russell Crowe-Cinderella Man
Philip Seymour Hoffman-Capote
Terrence Howard-Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger-Brokeback Mountain
David Strathairn-Good Night and Good Luck
Glad to see they remembered Howard. I'm hoping the buzz on Ledger is legit, cause he's stunk for years. Hoffman's had raves, but I wasn't interested in the film. Haven't seen Cinderella Man yet, but will. Crowe IS always great.
BEST PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride & Prejudice
The Producers
The Squid and The Whale
Walk The Line
Fuck the bad reviews, Rent should be here!! Walk The Line is not a musical. Producers looks fun. Haven't seen the indies.
BEST ACTRESS, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Judi Dench-Mrs. Henderson Presents
Keira Knightley-Pride & Prejudice
Laura Linney-The Squid and The Whale
Sarah Jessica Parker-The Family Stone
Reese Witherspoon-Walk The Line
Loved Reese, but NOT a musical. Keira's neato. SJP is sure to be the worst part of that film. Linney and Dench are solid in almost everything.
BEST ACTOR, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Pierce Brosnan-The Matador
Jeff Daniels-The Squid and The Whale
Johnny Depp-Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
Nathan Lane-The Producers
Cillian Murphy-Breakfast On Pluto
Joaquin Phoenix-Walk The Line
All good actors. Phoenix was great. I'm sure Lane will be very funny. I hated Depp's performance just from the trailer. Did not see the others, though all could indeed be very good.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Scarlett Johansson-Match Point
Shirley MacLaine-In Her Shoes
Frances McDormand-North Country
Rachel Weisz-The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams-Brokeback Mountain
Oooh! Rachel was fantastic. If she eventually took home Oscar I'd be thrilled. Frances was excellent too. I expect Scarlett to be terrific too, and given my fandom for Michelle going back to Dawson's Creek I'm really hoping her performance is as good as advertised.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
George Clooney-Syriana
Matt Dillon-Crash
Will Ferrell-The Producers
Paul Giamatti-Cinderella Man
Bob Hoskins-Mrs. Henderson Presents
Clooney's the lead, but ok. He's real good. Dillon was a standout among standouts. Ferrell nominated at all is funny! Look out for Giamatti, in the "make good" zone due to his Sideways snub last year.
BEST DIRTECTOR
Woody Allen-Match Point
George Clooney-Good Night and Good Luck
Peter Jackson-King Kong
Ang Lee-Brokeback Mountain
Fernando Meirelles-The Constant Gardener
Steven Spielberg-Munich
Quite the impressive lineup. CG is the only one I've seen so far, and Kong could not interest me less, but in time I will see the rest hopefully. I bet Munich could still be big Oscar bait despite its few nods here.
BEST SCREENPLAY
Woody Allen-Match Point
George Clooney & Grant Heslov-Good Night and Good Luck
Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco-Crash
Tony Kushner & Eric Roth-Munich
Larry McMutry & Diana Ossana-Brokeback Mountain
CRASH! That film was brilliant. Once again these may all be very good. Match Point intrigues me the most.
Elsewhere, neat to see Kung-Fu Hustle up for foreign language film, and very good to see Lost's Naveen Andrews up for an award too. You could pick any of about 6 or 7 from that show!
Movie-wise, I'd say at this point it looks like Oscar night is gonna be all about Brokeback Mountain. I'm not even TRYING to see this thing opening day Friday. I'll wait a week.
Brokeback Mountain
The Constant Gardener
Good Night and Good Luck
A History Of Violence
Match Point
I've only seen 2 of these so far (CG and HoV) and CG was by far the better film. I eagerly await both BM and MP. Either could supplant CG as my pick here.
BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA
Maria Bello-A History Of Violence
Felicity Huffman-Transamerica
Gwyneth Paltrow-Proof
Charlize Theron-North Country
Ziyi Zhang-Memoirs Of A Geisha
Gwyneth stinks and I haven't seen Huffman. I adore Ziyi, but for her first english role I doubt its too stellar. Bello was indeed very good, but Charlize was amazingly strong and powerful here. I really hope the film's box office failure doesn't hurt her chances.
BEST ACTOR, DRAMA
Russell Crowe-Cinderella Man
Philip Seymour Hoffman-Capote
Terrence Howard-Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger-Brokeback Mountain
David Strathairn-Good Night and Good Luck
Glad to see they remembered Howard. I'm hoping the buzz on Ledger is legit, cause he's stunk for years. Hoffman's had raves, but I wasn't interested in the film. Haven't seen Cinderella Man yet, but will. Crowe IS always great.
BEST PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride & Prejudice
The Producers
The Squid and The Whale
Walk The Line
Fuck the bad reviews, Rent should be here!! Walk The Line is not a musical. Producers looks fun. Haven't seen the indies.
BEST ACTRESS, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Judi Dench-Mrs. Henderson Presents
Keira Knightley-Pride & Prejudice
Laura Linney-The Squid and The Whale
Sarah Jessica Parker-The Family Stone
Reese Witherspoon-Walk The Line
Loved Reese, but NOT a musical. Keira's neato. SJP is sure to be the worst part of that film. Linney and Dench are solid in almost everything.
BEST ACTOR, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Pierce Brosnan-The Matador
Jeff Daniels-The Squid and The Whale
Johnny Depp-Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
Nathan Lane-The Producers
Cillian Murphy-Breakfast On Pluto
Joaquin Phoenix-Walk The Line
All good actors. Phoenix was great. I'm sure Lane will be very funny. I hated Depp's performance just from the trailer. Did not see the others, though all could indeed be very good.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Scarlett Johansson-Match Point
Shirley MacLaine-In Her Shoes
Frances McDormand-North Country
Rachel Weisz-The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams-Brokeback Mountain
Oooh! Rachel was fantastic. If she eventually took home Oscar I'd be thrilled. Frances was excellent too. I expect Scarlett to be terrific too, and given my fandom for Michelle going back to Dawson's Creek I'm really hoping her performance is as good as advertised.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
George Clooney-Syriana
Matt Dillon-Crash
Will Ferrell-The Producers
Paul Giamatti-Cinderella Man
Bob Hoskins-Mrs. Henderson Presents
Clooney's the lead, but ok. He's real good. Dillon was a standout among standouts. Ferrell nominated at all is funny! Look out for Giamatti, in the "make good" zone due to his Sideways snub last year.
BEST DIRTECTOR
Woody Allen-Match Point
George Clooney-Good Night and Good Luck
Peter Jackson-King Kong
Ang Lee-Brokeback Mountain
Fernando Meirelles-The Constant Gardener
Steven Spielberg-Munich
Quite the impressive lineup. CG is the only one I've seen so far, and Kong could not interest me less, but in time I will see the rest hopefully. I bet Munich could still be big Oscar bait despite its few nods here.
BEST SCREENPLAY
Woody Allen-Match Point
George Clooney & Grant Heslov-Good Night and Good Luck
Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco-Crash
Tony Kushner & Eric Roth-Munich
Larry McMutry & Diana Ossana-Brokeback Mountain
CRASH! That film was brilliant. Once again these may all be very good. Match Point intrigues me the most.
Elsewhere, neat to see Kung-Fu Hustle up for foreign language film, and very good to see Lost's Naveen Andrews up for an award too. You could pick any of about 6 or 7 from that show!
Movie-wise, I'd say at this point it looks like Oscar night is gonna be all about Brokeback Mountain. I'm not even TRYING to see this thing opening day Friday. I'll wait a week.
12/15/05
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
Yecch! This was actually a bigger flop for Ben Affleck than even Gigli was, and it's easy to see why. This film never had a chance. This should've been stopped at the first step of production. Affleck is one of the more likable actors out there, but to say that he overdoes it here would pretty much be the understatement of the decade. He is insufferable from minute one, as is the whole film, which is a broad comedy without any laughs. I can't think of anything harder to sit through. Christina Applegate was so good in Anchorman, but here she's cast adrift, and forced to engage in a romance with Ben that is ridiculous. James Gandolfini is pissed the whole time, probably cause his agent didn't find him a better project to do between Sopranos seasons.
1/10
THE FAMILY STONE
A pleasant, but totally inconsequential Christmastime family dramedy. My future wife Rachel McAdams (I can take Gosling in a fight!!) steals the show, as does the always tremendously likable Luke Wilson. Diane Keaton is rock solid, and for the first time ever Dermot Mulroney makes a real impression. Oh, and how lovely is Claire Danes? That's a rhetorical question. Sadly, you gotta suffer through an annoying performance by a mummified Sarah Jessica Parker, but she's the lone bad apple. The story just never rises to where it should. It's nice, there are a few laughs, and it almost wrung a little eyeball liquid out of me at the end. But it doesn't stand out.
5/10
Yecch! This was actually a bigger flop for Ben Affleck than even Gigli was, and it's easy to see why. This film never had a chance. This should've been stopped at the first step of production. Affleck is one of the more likable actors out there, but to say that he overdoes it here would pretty much be the understatement of the decade. He is insufferable from minute one, as is the whole film, which is a broad comedy without any laughs. I can't think of anything harder to sit through. Christina Applegate was so good in Anchorman, but here she's cast adrift, and forced to engage in a romance with Ben that is ridiculous. James Gandolfini is pissed the whole time, probably cause his agent didn't find him a better project to do between Sopranos seasons.
1/10
THE FAMILY STONE
A pleasant, but totally inconsequential Christmastime family dramedy. My future wife Rachel McAdams (I can take Gosling in a fight!!) steals the show, as does the always tremendously likable Luke Wilson. Diane Keaton is rock solid, and for the first time ever Dermot Mulroney makes a real impression. Oh, and how lovely is Claire Danes? That's a rhetorical question. Sadly, you gotta suffer through an annoying performance by a mummified Sarah Jessica Parker, but she's the lone bad apple. The story just never rises to where it should. It's nice, there are a few laughs, and it almost wrung a little eyeball liquid out of me at the end. But it doesn't stand out.
5/10
12/26/05
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
This is the Oscar frontrunner so far, and I can't argue. This film works on a visual level (it's as beautiful to look at as any film since probably House Of Flying Daggers). It works from a performance standpoint, as Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal each are Oscar-nomination worthy. And Michelle Williams is heartbreaking. This is a finer performance than anything her Dawson's Creek co-star Katie Holmes has done on film. In my eyes she's Best Supporting Actress in a runaway. Anne Hathaway is also good. And the film is SO sad and powerful. I haven't been able to shake this film from my head in the 3 days since I've seen it. A tremendous comeback for Ang Lee after the Hulk debacle.
MUNICH
This film struck me just as Syriana did. It's so obviously well made, but its hard to keep up. Munich, made with expert skill by Steven Spielberg, is easier to follow than Syriana, and has a little more humanity in it. But it is WAY too long. The film's point of how terrorist killing is an endless cycle is smart and true, but also obvious enough to not need to have one long sequence after another of an Israeli hit squad (led by Eric Bana in an intense performance that's not quite what you'd expect) taking out those responsible for the Munich Olympic murders. Those individual scenes are very good, and shocking, but the film drags in a big way.
THE PERFECT MAN
Hilary Duff is simply the cutest creature walking the earth. And she has never been more cute than in this fluffy flick, which like Raise Your Voice and Lizzie McGuire coasts solely on her underappreciated charm. In this case that charm also masks how her character here is not too likeable. I also couldn't get enough of the ridiculously cute Vanessa Lengies as her friend. Look, I'm easily pleased sometimes. Give me a break.
CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS
Not as bad as expected. I found a few laughs in this Tim Allen comedy, which is so absurd at times that it almost can't fail to elicit a laugh. I liked how certain scenes played out like they were from thrillers or horror movies.
THE DEVIL'S REJECTS
It may be time to proclaim 2005 as the WORST year ever for the horror genre. It appears five spots on my ten worst list will go to such films, with this being one of them. If it weren't for Rob Zombie's fetish for having his slutty hot wife get naked a bunch of times, this could've been the worst of them all. Otherwise this is a despicable exercise in would-be horror/comedy. He tries to make it sickly funny, but there's not one amusing moment in the whole film. It never comes close to being scary. And Zombie appears to have no idea what to do as a director. Ohh, lets shake the camera a bunch of times. That'll scare em! Let's have slow motion during numerous sequences, and pointless freeze-frames! Then he doesn't even allow us to have what would've been a pretty good finish, if badass William Forstyhe had been able to finish torturing that bizznitch. No, we get a laughable Thelma & Louise ending. Zombie apparently believes he's created the most enduring characters in history. Well, this film certainly goes down in infamy.
THE BAXTER
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I don't use the word often, but this film was delightful. This is the rarest of romantic comedies, in that it isn't about the perfect looking, perfect acting folks. I AM a baxter, given this film's definition of what it means. The tone is at times overly quirky, as are the acting styles, but there are some very funny moments. And fresh off her Oscar-worthy dramatic turn in Brokeback Mountain, here's Michelle Williams turning the adorable meter up to an 11!
RUMOR HAS IT
Rob Reiner is very skilled at directing slick studio movies, and that's what this is. Jennifer Aniston gives a solid sitcom-on-film turn. Kevin Costner's settling into a terrific new career as a charming supporting actor Shirley Maclaine is dynamite. Hell, even Mark Ruffalo was ok. But Reiner gives the movie no pizazz, no soul, and it's never all that funny. Odd btw how Aniston's 1st post-Pitt film has her cheating on her decent guy fiancee and then expecting immediate forgiveness.
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
The juice and energy that Rob Marshall brought to Chicago is sorely lacking in this well-designed, but dull and WAY too long film. The geisha lifestyle is interesting, but this story kind of gets sidetracked with rivalries that are like something out of Showgirls. And then WWII is a factor later on, but it's over so soon that you wonder why they bothered. I get the sense the novel was really big, and fitting it into even the 2 1/2 hour running time was hard. I adore Ziyi Zhang, but she does struggle with her 1st all-english role. And why does everyone speak english in the first place?
2046
A strange, confusing film by director Wong Kar Wai. The story is quite a mess, and it's reminiscent of Swimming Pool. Ziyi Zhang's in this too and gives a much better performance.
MYSTERIOUS SKIN
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a brilliant young actor. I don't know that he'll ever get lots of attention, but this guy is fantastic. Gregg Araki's film is moody and has sci-fi touches. It's a Donnie Darko-esque film. Way too much of the creepy child abuse stuff and the gay stuff. Thery're part of the story, but it made it hard to sit through.
This is the Oscar frontrunner so far, and I can't argue. This film works on a visual level (it's as beautiful to look at as any film since probably House Of Flying Daggers). It works from a performance standpoint, as Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal each are Oscar-nomination worthy. And Michelle Williams is heartbreaking. This is a finer performance than anything her Dawson's Creek co-star Katie Holmes has done on film. In my eyes she's Best Supporting Actress in a runaway. Anne Hathaway is also good. And the film is SO sad and powerful. I haven't been able to shake this film from my head in the 3 days since I've seen it. A tremendous comeback for Ang Lee after the Hulk debacle.
MUNICH
This film struck me just as Syriana did. It's so obviously well made, but its hard to keep up. Munich, made with expert skill by Steven Spielberg, is easier to follow than Syriana, and has a little more humanity in it. But it is WAY too long. The film's point of how terrorist killing is an endless cycle is smart and true, but also obvious enough to not need to have one long sequence after another of an Israeli hit squad (led by Eric Bana in an intense performance that's not quite what you'd expect) taking out those responsible for the Munich Olympic murders. Those individual scenes are very good, and shocking, but the film drags in a big way.
THE PERFECT MAN
Hilary Duff is simply the cutest creature walking the earth. And she has never been more cute than in this fluffy flick, which like Raise Your Voice and Lizzie McGuire coasts solely on her underappreciated charm. In this case that charm also masks how her character here is not too likeable. I also couldn't get enough of the ridiculously cute Vanessa Lengies as her friend. Look, I'm easily pleased sometimes. Give me a break.
CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS
Not as bad as expected. I found a few laughs in this Tim Allen comedy, which is so absurd at times that it almost can't fail to elicit a laugh. I liked how certain scenes played out like they were from thrillers or horror movies.
THE DEVIL'S REJECTS
It may be time to proclaim 2005 as the WORST year ever for the horror genre. It appears five spots on my ten worst list will go to such films, with this being one of them. If it weren't for Rob Zombie's fetish for having his slutty hot wife get naked a bunch of times, this could've been the worst of them all. Otherwise this is a despicable exercise in would-be horror/comedy. He tries to make it sickly funny, but there's not one amusing moment in the whole film. It never comes close to being scary. And Zombie appears to have no idea what to do as a director. Ohh, lets shake the camera a bunch of times. That'll scare em! Let's have slow motion during numerous sequences, and pointless freeze-frames! Then he doesn't even allow us to have what would've been a pretty good finish, if badass William Forstyhe had been able to finish torturing that bizznitch. No, we get a laughable Thelma & Louise ending. Zombie apparently believes he's created the most enduring characters in history. Well, this film certainly goes down in infamy.
THE BAXTER
I don't use the word often, but this film was delightful. This is the rarest of romantic comedies, in that it isn't about the perfect looking, perfect acting folks. I AM a baxter, given this film's definition of what it means. The tone is at times overly quirky, as are the acting styles, but there are some very funny moments. And fresh off her Oscar-worthy dramatic turn in Brokeback Mountain, here's Michelle Williams turning the adorable meter up to an 11!RUMOR HAS IT
Rob Reiner is very skilled at directing slick studio movies, and that's what this is. Jennifer Aniston gives a solid sitcom-on-film turn. Kevin Costner's settling into a terrific new career as a charming supporting actor Shirley Maclaine is dynamite. Hell, even Mark Ruffalo was ok. But Reiner gives the movie no pizazz, no soul, and it's never all that funny. Odd btw how Aniston's 1st post-Pitt film has her cheating on her decent guy fiancee and then expecting immediate forgiveness.
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
The juice and energy that Rob Marshall brought to Chicago is sorely lacking in this well-designed, but dull and WAY too long film. The geisha lifestyle is interesting, but this story kind of gets sidetracked with rivalries that are like something out of Showgirls. And then WWII is a factor later on, but it's over so soon that you wonder why they bothered. I get the sense the novel was really big, and fitting it into even the 2 1/2 hour running time was hard. I adore Ziyi Zhang, but she does struggle with her 1st all-english role. And why does everyone speak english in the first place?
2046
A strange, confusing film by director Wong Kar Wai. The story is quite a mess, and it's reminiscent of Swimming Pool. Ziyi Zhang's in this too and gives a much better performance.
MYSTERIOUS SKIN
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a brilliant young actor. I don't know that he'll ever get lots of attention, but this guy is fantastic. Gregg Araki's film is moody and has sci-fi touches. It's a Donnie Darko-esque film. Way too much of the creepy child abuse stuff and the gay stuff. Thery're part of the story, but it made it hard to sit through.
12/31/05
--a couple final reviews---
MADAGASCAR: This one was a lot of fun. Chris Rock was great as the zebra. Those penguins were hilarious. And this has to be the only animated film in history to reference American Beauty!
FUN WITH DICK AND JANE: 2005 was a pretty weak year for comedy, and this fits in. Jim Carrey gets laughs, but he's rarely tried so hard for so few of them. The whole thing felt like a mess. Basically the premise itself is just not that funny. It's sad.
MADAGASCAR: This one was a lot of fun. Chris Rock was great as the zebra. Those penguins were hilarious. And this has to be the only animated film in history to reference American Beauty!
FUN WITH DICK AND JANE: 2005 was a pretty weak year for comedy, and this fits in. Jim Carrey gets laughs, but he's rarely tried so hard for so few of them. The whole thing felt like a mess. Basically the premise itself is just not that funny. It's sad.
TEN BEST FILMS OF 2005
10. Batman Begins Christopher Nolan succeeded admirably in resurrecting this franchise.
9. The Constant Gardener A great, smart thriller. And most importantly, unlike the cold Syriana and Munich, this film had a real emotional value. Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Weisz were amazing.
8. Rent I know this film got a bum rap and also flopped at the box office, but I thought this was a great entertainment with actual magic in it. And Rosario Dawson was magnetic!!
7. Brokeback Mountain Truly a film that's hard to let go of. Wonderfully acted, and just heartbreaking.
6. The Island I'm a huge Michael Bay fan and this was his best film since Armageddon. The film is basically two separate films stitched together, but I loved both halves.
5. Crash Easily the best ensemble acting of the year, and arguably the most intelligent film about race I've ever seen.
4. Constantine One of the great comic book adapatations. They hit this outta the park.
3. Serenity Everything a fan of Firefly could've asked for...and MORE!
2. Sin City Robert Rodriguez finally fulfills all that great potential with the most visually unique and just plain coolest film of the year. And yeah, it had Jessica Alba in chaps and that didn't hurt!![]()
1. Revenge Of The Sith Even with its flaws, this was the most dramatic and emotional of ALL the Star Wars films. The third act is simply the greatest thing ever put on screen!
10. Batman Begins Christopher Nolan succeeded admirably in resurrecting this franchise.
9. The Constant Gardener A great, smart thriller. And most importantly, unlike the cold Syriana and Munich, this film had a real emotional value. Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Weisz were amazing.
8. Rent I know this film got a bum rap and also flopped at the box office, but I thought this was a great entertainment with actual magic in it. And Rosario Dawson was magnetic!!
7. Brokeback Mountain Truly a film that's hard to let go of. Wonderfully acted, and just heartbreaking.
6. The Island I'm a huge Michael Bay fan and this was his best film since Armageddon. The film is basically two separate films stitched together, but I loved both halves.
5. Crash Easily the best ensemble acting of the year, and arguably the most intelligent film about race I've ever seen.
4. Constantine One of the great comic book adapatations. They hit this outta the park.
3. Serenity Everything a fan of Firefly could've asked for...and MORE!
2. Sin City Robert Rodriguez finally fulfills all that great potential with the most visually unique and just plain coolest film of the year. And yeah, it had Jessica Alba in chaps and that didn't hurt!
1. Revenge Of The Sith Even with its flaws, this was the most dramatic and emotional of ALL the Star Wars films. The third act is simply the greatest thing ever put on screen!Runners up (in order):
Red Eye, Rory O'Shea Was Here, Hostage, Fantastic Four, Coach Carter, Elizabethtown, House Of Wax, High Tension, Just Friends, Waiting
I did not see the following films for varying reasons, but I expect to see most of them one day: Bride & Prejudice, Inside Deep Throat, Diary Of A Mad Black Woman, Ong Bak, Millions, Dear Frankie, In My Country, A Lot Like Love, Mindhunters, Cinderella Man, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Howl's Moving Castle, Dark Water, March Of The Penguins, Bad News Bears, Sky High, Murderball, Last Days, The 40 Year Old Virgin, My Date With Drew, November, Junebug, The Brothers Grimm, The Cave, Undiscovered, Underclassmen, An Unfinished Life, Venom, Cry Wolf, Just Like Heaven, Roll Bounce, Thumbsucker, Pretty Persuasion, Two For The Money, Wallace & Gromit, The Fog, Good Night and Good Luck, Doom, Stay, Capote, Kids In America, Shopgirl, Prime, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Chicken Little, Pride & Prejudice, Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic, Derailed, In The Mix, The Ice Harvest, King Kong, Cheaper By The Dozen 2, The Ringer, Wolf Creek, The Producers
The following films I did not see and never ever plan to: Racing Stripes, Alone In The Dark, The Wedding Date, Son Of The Mask, Because Of Winn-Dixie, The Pacifier, The Ring 2, Sahara, The Interpreter, House Of D, The Honeymooners, The Adventures Of Shark Boy And Lava Girl in 3D, Bewitched, Rebound, Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, Must Love Dogs, The Dukes Of Hazzard, Valiant, The Man, Proof, Corpse Bride, Oliver Twist, In Her Shoes, Dreamer, The Legend Of Zorro, Zathura, Yours, Mine & Ours, The Chronicles Of Narnia, Breakfast On Pluto, Casanova
THE TEN WORST FILMS OF 2005
10. Saw 2 The most annoying cast ever, and it actually chickened out on the gore!
9. Stealth One of the dumbest action movies of all time.
8. Man Of The House This thing had 5 cute actresses in it and STILL was unwatchable.
7. The Longest Yard The worst film of Adam Sandler's career.
6. Monster-In-Law Possibly the worst film of Jennifer Lopez's career.
5. The Devil's Rejects Once upon a time, Fred Durst was gonna direct a film, and I doubt even he could churn something out THIS bad!
4. Land Of The Dead A zombie film that does not even try to be clever or scary or smart or anything.
3. The Chumscrubber In 2 hours you can see everything that can go wrong in independent film.
2. The Amityville Horror A pathetic horror remake.
1. Boogeyman This takes the bottom slot cause I couldn't even finish watching it it was so putrid. This was NOT a good year for horror films.
Runners up (in order):
Herbie: Fully Loaded, Cursed, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, XXX: State Of The Union, Elektra, White Noise, 2046, The Weather Man, Be Cool, Into The Blue
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